Two Hearts
by NellietheMarvelous
Summary: Sequel to Number One. You'll need to read that one first to understand what's happening. More Cub, more family moments, and more Caskett.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: This is still a no.  
**

**A/N: Welcome back all you Number One readers. I just had to continue the Cub story arc - though I skipped ahead a bit. Hope no one minds. ;) And yes this is a sequel which means I have quite a few chapters already planned out. Enjoy.  
**

Kate loves days like this. The ones where she can laze around with her son while Castle is out doing something or other. This time it's a meeting that has him away on her day off but she's okay with it. Just part of his job and she's more than fine staying at home with their three month old. There's nothing better than this, nothing that tops the rush she gets when she's met with a toothless grin. But today isn't a day for smiles, she's been trying all morning and yet Cub just stares up at her from his resting spot on her thighs - grunts occasionally and chews on his fist.

It comes out of nowhere. The harsh cry that spills from his mouth, an agonized squall of discomfort. It scares her, makes her jump and stare down at her infant as if he's some sort of alien. He's never made this sound. He's cried before but what he's doing now, the red face, the way he's suddenly trying to curl himself up into a ball in her lap - he's never...she doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what's wrong.

She lifts him to her shoulder, pats at his back to try to soothe him but he screams louder and buries his face in her neck.

"Hey, shhh, s'okay Wes." He whimpers, his cries quiet and she breathes out a sigh of relief. He wiggles against her, pulls his head back and looks up at her. She gives him a smile, waiting for him to return it but he doesn't. His lip is still quivering, eyes still filled with tears. Those eyes break her heart. She has no idea what color they'll end up being but they're big, beautiful, endless pools of unconditional love.

His face scrunches, mouth opening and her chest tightens when he starts screaming again. She bounces him, pats gently but it doesn't soothe him. He's clean. He's been fed. She doesn't understand. She waits a few minutes, thinks he might calm down but if anything he seems worse by the time five minutes pass.

He's a happy baby. This doesn't happen. He never cries for more than a few moments. Usually as soon as she picks him up, he quiets down. She stands with him, tries pacing back and forth, rubbing his back. Doesn't work. His knees push into her chest as his hands pinch at her neck. Ten minutes and she's done. She can't do this. She can't listen to him cry and not know what's wrong.

She calls his doctor, can barely hear over her son's cries as she explains what's going on. How sudden it happened. She's panicking. She can feel it in her chest. Her heart is racing now, her brain tumbling over thoughts, jumbling them into a mess. He was a preemie, what if it's something serious due to the fact that he was born early? She asks. Just to be safe. Is she overreacting? She needs Castle. She needs him to be okay. She needs...something.

She tries to listen to the voice on the other end of the line but her baby is squirming against her, his face pressing into her shoulder as he wails. It's a bit hard to concentrate on anything else. A lump is forming in her throat and she hears the doctor mention colic, that it's normal for an infant to cry for up to three hours.

Her heart sinks to the floor. She can't do this. She's failing. She's supposed to be able to take care of her son. Her mind is running through what-ifs even after she hangs up. It could be something serious. What if it is? What if she's a terrible mother and there's something really wrong?

Holding him doesn't help. She tries to put him in his swing for a few minutes and he quiets at first - she thinks maybe it's over - but then he's back to crying. Red faced, tear stained cheeks, mouth wide, his forehead pinched. She doesn't know how to make this better. She gives him his hippo but he ends up kicking it away, makes it fall to the floor.

"Wes...I - I don't know what to do." She swallows roughly, tries humming to him while she holds his hand but she gives up after a few minutes. It's not helping.

She starts singing, forming the lyrics that usually put him to sleep. Somehow she makes it through the whole lullaby but he still isn't stopping. His voice is cracking, suffering and she's had to blow in his face twice to remind him to breathe. She grabs him from the swing. Just gives up on it as she cradles him. He's a whimpering mess between screams and she just holds him, tries to offer him comfort.

His eyes open and her heart shatters into pieces. She can't do this. If he doesn't stop soon, she's taking him to the emergency room. She doesn't care if it's just colic, she can't see him suffer. He's her _son_. He's not supposed to be in pain. She strokes over his head, whispers to him. It seems to help. He quiets down to little huffs of air, tiny fusses that she can handle.

"S'okay Cub." Except is isn't. Because something is hurting him, bothering him, making his legs kick and his body scrunch. He's uncomfortable. She knows that just from the way he's wiggling in her arms. His bottom lip trembles again, eyes closing as he lets out a loud cry. "Oh, no, shhh, please Wes, I don't..."

She's done. An hour of trying to help and she's out of ideas. She rushes to her phone, hits the speed dial and waits. She can't do this. Certainly not alone. She sways, rocks with Wes as she waits for an answer. He's in a meeting - but maybe he'll see it.

_"Hey, Kate, I'm...is that Wes? He okay?" _She almost smiles because who else would be screaming like an infant, but she doesn't. Because her son is inconsolable.

"I don't know what to do, I've tried everything. I called his doctor but she thinks it's just colic and I - maybe I should take him to the ER. What if something's wrong? He was born early and -"

_"Breathe, Kate. I'm in the elevator, give me a few minutes and I'll be up." _It'd be silly to keep him on the phone but she's tempted. She doesn't. She hangs up and waits.

She spends those few minutes sitting on the couch, Wes cradled in her arms. The lump in her throat is too big, her vision blurs, and she just wants him to feel better. She wants whatever is bothering him to just stop. She doesn't realize that she's crying until the door opens and she looks up as Castle comes in. A tear drops from her face, lands on her shirt.

"Hey,"

"I don't know what to do." It comes out as a whisper, a plea for help. She wipes at her face with one hand, Wes still bawling in the other as her fiance sits next to them. "I tried putting him down, I tried singing to him, patting him, rocking him."

"Let me see him." She hands him over, watches as the man she loves lays their son across his knees, bounces them, keeping Wes in place with a hand on his back. He pats, stops bouncing, sways his legs back and forth instead. Nothing happens. Cub is still in misery and she's still torn to shreds by it.

Five minutes pass. Neither of them saying a word but she's about to tell him to stop, she's so close to just rushing her baby to the hospital. Her chest hurts and she wants her happy son back. Just when she's opening her mouth the crying quiets, becomes a fret, then moves into whimpers. The sound keeps softening.

She waits for it, for him to start up again but he just squirms, kicks his legs out, and lays his head down on Castle's thigh. She sighs, full of relief and wonder but also a sense of failure. An hour. She tried for an hour. She mutters a 'thanks' not even sure what she's thankful for or if she even means it. She pushes herself up from the couch, gives the father of her child a quick kiss and bends to do the same to their son.

Everything comes so easy for him and she knows he's done all of this before and she doesn't hold that against him but it makes her feel insignificant sometimes. Like now. When she failed. She's Weston's mother and she couldn't help. She leaves her boys in the living room, retreats to bedroom to collect herself. She's no good to either of them right now.

* * *

The heat is amazing, a burning pleasurable wet sensation against her skin. She sinks further into the tub, stares at her knees poking through the surface of the water. Her brain knows this is ridiculous. It knows that she's blaming herself for things that don't make any sense, things that she has no control over and it's fighting her. Arguing. Her head is starting to ache from it.

Kate hears the door click, knows she's no longer alone in the master bathroom but she doesn't look at him. He's been good to her, given her the space she needed for the last couple of hours. She sniffs, tries not to think about the fact that she probably looks like a drowned blubbering rat. How attractive. But he's seen her in far worse situations.

"Wanna talk about it?" His tone is hushed, his steps sure. He knows she won't make him leave.

"Where's Cub?"

"He's asleep." She nods mutely, finally lets her eyes drift up to him. He's standing over her, gaze soft, understanding. She hates it. "Kate, it's okay."

"No it's not! I blanked."

"You didn't. You tried, you called his doctor, you were ready to take him to the hospital. That's not failing. That's being a good mother." She lets her hands raise, the heels press into her sockets as she tries not to choke on the emotion coursing through her.

She shakes her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts and drops her arms back into the water.

"An hour. I tried to calm him down for about an hour and it took you ten minutes."

"It was more like twenty-five." He's trying to make her feel better and it's sweet but she doesn't want it. She just wants to sit here, forget how scared she was. How her chest still tightens at just the thought of it all. "I'm not better than you. I took a guess and it paid off."

_Oh._ It knocks the air from her lungs. That's what she's been thinking this whole time, isn't it? She hasn't figured it out but now, he's making it clear. He's a father, has been for so many years and she's just a bumbling fool who has no idea what she's even doing more than half the time. She doesn't say anything, just closes her eyes. What is there to say?

Three months and she still doesn't know. So she sits in here, in a tub of hot water because she's not really sure what's going on. She hears him come closer, the sound of a zipper, the rustling of fabric. She's still silent. Doesn't say anything as he strips. Doesn't open her eyes until the sound stops and a hand meets her shoulder.

"Sit up." With a sigh of a defeat she does. She's not going to fight him when he's trying to make her feel better. She lets him climb in behind, lets him situate himself in the water until he's comfortable and then she's turning, pushing into him, the water making waves as she moves. She straddles his hips, buries her face in his shoulder as his arms wrap around her.

"I was terrified. I thought I'd done something wrong, hurt him somehow or that he was sick."

"You did good." The weight lifts from her shoulders the moment she feels him cup the back of her head. He's so patient with her. "He'll be okay. Maybe cranky and he might cry but he's okay. Alexis had random bouts of colic from the time she was two months until about four months."

"I hate seeing him suffer."

"And that is what makes you such a good mom. If he didn't calm, I was all for taking him to the hospital just to be safe. You aren't the only one who gets scared." She pulls back, raises her head until she can see meet his stare.

"I guess I sometimes think that you always know what to do and I just stumble."

"We both stumble. It's called parenting." She leans in, presses her lips against his. "He's three months old, we still have his entire life to screw it all up."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"Yes it does, you're smiling." It's true and now she's chuckling against his mouth, loving that he can do this. Make her feel human again with just words, just his touch. He tugs playfully on the ends of her wet hair, nips at her bottom lip and she's forgetting all about it. All about feeling awful. About the sense of failure that took over. He's a good father, he's a good man. He'd be honest with her. He'd tell her if he thought she was screwing up their kid. Instead he's reassuring her.

"Thank you."

"Always." She huffs against him for using 'their' word in this circumstance but he's grinning cheekily, rubbing a hand down her spine. It slips beneath the water, presses into the curve of her back and she gives in. He's right, he's making her feel better. He's making sure she listens and now all she wants to do is cuddle with her son. Castle first because she's already in his lap and Wes is sleeping.

He gave her space and now he's here, pushing just enough. She lets him, she opens up, seeks comfort. He wins. The battle in her head, the ache in her temples, he wins. He defeats her doubts.

**a/n: And that my friends is the first chapter. :)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Is Cub in the show? No? Then I don't own it.  
**

**A/N: Thankfully the alerts thing is fixed! Also I tried to reply to reviews but with the alerts being so crazy, I couldn't remember who I'd already replied to and who I hadn't. I'm so sorry if I missed you.  
**

**For RandomRis because she gets so many people attached to little Cub and I love her for it!**

Something warm is tickling her neck, drawing her up from her dreams. Kate groans, tries to roll away and stay in the blissful land of sleep. It's persistent, hot, moist. Oh. It pinches at her skin sharply, pulling her into consciousness. A hand closes over her own, tangles with her fingers and she forgets about rest, opens her eyes to see a dimly illuminated Castle hovering over her, his face moving back to see if she's awake. As if she can sleep when he's resting against her, chests brushing with every inhale, one hand holding hers above her head and the other massaging her hip. It's impossible.

He looks tired, disheveled. Hair sticking up all over the place, eyes barely open and she has no idea why he's decided to jump her bones instead of going back to sleep but she'll work with it. She untangles her hand from his, cups his jaw. He didn't shave and it's rough against her palm, chafing and all she's thinking about is the red rash that's going to be burned into her skin _everywhere_.

She cranes her neck, lifts up into him, swallowing the sigh he lets escape. She tastes it on her tongue, feels how tense his muscles are and the thin sheen of sweat on his skin. Something woke him. She presses her lips into his, lets them rest there in a soft lazy kiss. Slowing things down. He tries to coax out her desperate side with a hand slipping beneath her shirt, dancing up over her ribs. It almost works. Her body is singing for him, a siren song he's more than willing to answer but she tamps it down and pushes the words into his mouth.

"What's wrong?" He shakes his head, blinks his eyes a few times and she nudges his nose with her own - just a loving bump and stroke. "Castle?"

"Talk later." She opens her mouth, ready to ask again but he's biting into her bottom lip, soothing the sting with his tongue, trying to distract her. It's working. The man is absolutely talented with that tongue but she wants to know. Needs to know so she gently pushes at his chest, breaks away with a soft pop.

"Talk now, sex later."

"It was just a dream." He leans back in but she stops him with a tug on his ear. "Kate...its been months since we've been able to have a playful morning, we've got maybe two hours before Cub interrupts. Let me love on you."

"After. Spill Castle."

"Just a stupid dream, it didn't even make any sense. I was running through the park, chasing you and you had Wes in his stroller. I kept yelling but you never even turned around and then it all changed, it was an alley and we were trying to apprehend a suspect. He shot you...Kate..he, he had Wes. It didn't make any sense." His eyes are moist, and she feels a tug in her chest when he drops his gaze to the collar of her shirt.

"Hey," She keeps her tone soft, gives a rough swallow. "I'm right here and I promise you that no one -_no one _- will ever get their hands on our son. And if by some chance they did, they wouldn't live to tell the tale."

"Kinda sexy when you go all mama bear." And it's back. She wants to scoff, maybe roll her eyes but she doesn't. It's clear that there's more to the dream. More fear and more emotions but she won't drag this out. She'll distract him. Take his mind off of it. Prove it was only his brain playing a cruel trick on him.

She hooks a leg behind his, twists her body until he's sprawling on his back and she's rising high above him. Thighs straddling his hips and her palms on his stomach. She'll make him forget all about his dream.

"Just _kinda_?" She moves her hands, lets her fingers tease the hem of her own shirt, dragging the cloth up slowly, brushing along her skin. She knows it taunts him, makes him crazy. Once she's sure she has his full attention, she tugs it off and tosses it over her shoulder to land haphazardly at the end of the bed.

* * *

Kate could never put a price on this part of her mornings. The hour - sometimes more, sometimes less if a body drops - that she spends sitting in a rocking chair in her son's nursery with him staring up at her. His eyes bright and curious. It's been almost four months since he was born and she's still amazed by him. Every single day he does something different or makes a new sound and she's so proud of him.

She's still in her pajamas, putting off getting ready until the last possible moment so she can talk with Wes. He's a good listener, and he chatters in his own little language, sometimes interrupting with his own string of sounds.

"Momma has to go soon but I wanted to tell you a story first, about Daddy." Cub blinks, lifts his fist to his mouth and shoves his fingers inside. "The first time I met him, I was in awe, entranced completely. He writes books - you can't read them for a long time - but anyway, he's kinda famous or something and I waited in line for over an hour just for his signature. Seems so silly now."

It does. She's holding their baby and she's thinking back to a day that he wasn't even a constant in her life. She taps Wes on the nose gently, strokes up to the bridge, traces up and over his brow. He grins, his toothless smile and she does it again. Just a light tap and then the swipe of her finger over his features. He makes a noise, something between a coo and a gasp.

Now she's the one smiling.

"Second time I met him, he was...I'll just say that he was a person of interest in something. He was awful, Wes, a complete flirtatious jerk. You're never allowed to be like that, okay?" One of his eyebrows raise and she swears in that moment, he knows exactly what she's saying. This time she gently rubs her thumb over his warm chubby cheek, the skin soft and smooth.

"I arrested him too. But he's a good man. A good dad. A bit of a goon sometimes though." He does it again. The smile. The half coo, half gasp. It takes her a moment to realize what's happening. She almost panics, because for a few seconds it sounds like he isn't getting enough air but he's smiling. Oh. He's...her son is laughing. He's actually down right cackling, his face turning red from it.

"Is that funny? You think Daddy's funny?" He keeps giggling, a breathy almost choking sound. She covers his ear, presses his other into her breast and then raises her voice. "Castle!"

She sits him up, lets his diaper cushioned rear rest on her knees, her hands on his back and neck to keep him in place. He wiggles a lot now. She makes a face at him and his arms slap down against his sides as his feet kick wildly. She needs to show Castle but he isn't laughing now, just staring up at her as if she's lost her mind. Maybe she has.

Kate almost gives up but she hears footsteps, looks up just in time to see the baby's father practically sprint into the room, his foot catching on the bottom of his sweat pants. His eyes are wide, searching and she could kick herself. Maybe she should have just taken Wes downstairs to show him.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry, nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just...come here." She motions him over, places her hand back on Cub's neck. He grins at her, jerks his head around when Castle steps up next to the rocking chair.

"Hey, Cub, you telling Momma all about it?" Wes gurgles happily and shoves his fingers back in his mouth. She tries to make a face at him but he just chews on his hand. She doesn't want to just _tell _Castle that their son laughed for the first time. She wants him to hear it.

She bites her lip, ghosts her fingers up from the back of his neck to play with hair and he kicks out, opens his mouth in a wide smile and lets out a laugh.

"There, did you hear it?" She uses her nails, scrapes gently through his locks and along the sensitive soft skin of his neck. He does it again. A full belly gasping sound that has his nose scrunching. "Oh, he's ticklish."

"He's laughing. Kate, our Cub is laughing."

"I was telling him a story and he just started making this sound. At first I thought he might've been choking." She pulls his little body closer, raises him up until they're nose to nose. Eskimo kisses always bring out his happy side.

"Must've been some story."

"It was about you." She doesn't tell him anymore than that, he can suffer through trying to figure it out. She just wants to snuggle her baby for a moment. He's still smiling and her heart is bursting, overflowing with the intensity of what she feels for such a tiny person. She lets her nose run over his, up to his forehead, lingering for a second before she continues and buries it in his hair.

She closes her eyes, revels in the feel of him. Her lips press against his skin as she holds him as close as possible, he's wiggling, making it a little difficult. She hates this part. Saying goodbye to him but it's easier now than it was in those first few days.

"You know if he wasn't so adorable I'd be a little offended that he's getting all the kisses when I just slaved away over a hot stove so you could have a nice delicious breakfast before work."

"Oh I think you got plenty early this morning." She tosses him a smirk, lets her eyes catch his. There's a brief minute of staring, something dangerous and filled with heat before she drags her eyes away from his. She doesn't have time to go there.

Rocking forward she propels herself out of the chair, steps into Castle's space for just a little more teasing. She does love to tease him. With gentle hands she passes Wes to him, let's him cradle the baby in one arm and then she closes the distance, pushes her mouth into his for a quick, soft kiss.

"Thank you for _slaving _away."

"You know, when you say it like that it's almost like you're being sarcastic."

"I am." She walks away without another word, not pausing until she gets to the door. With a look over her shoulder she tilts her head at him, gives both of her boys a smile. Both have their mouths open, one drooling, and one...well he's almost drooling too and they both have bed hair, both in pajamas. Both positively adorable. It strikes her once again just how much they look alike. There's no way he could ever deny being the father. "You coming, Castle?"

Despite the things that have changed in their relationship, some things always stay the same.

**a/n: I make no apologies for posting on the day Watershed airs. Short little chapter. Next up we get more Castle/Cub time and some Alexis.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I definitely do not own it.  
**

**A/N: I'm still in shock from the finale. (Mainly because I told my mom two weeks ago that it was going to end EXACTLY like that and she didn't believe me.) I won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it but I'll say this: OMG. And now I'm writing Cub to deal with my explosive feelings. Because he's adorable and perfect.  
**

She's early getting home, excited for time with her family as she shoves the key a little harshly into the lock. She just wants to be inside, kick off her shoes, strip out of her work clothes, play with her son. As soon as she twists her wrist and hears the click, she's pushing through the door. A smile tugs at her lips before she even swings it shut behind her.

The entire living room is covered in sheets. No visible piece of furniture and at first she's a little taken aback. It's not exactly what she'd been expecting when she walked in. Multiple colors adorn the sitting area, a purple twin sized sheet stretching between the chair and the couch, forming a tent. Another white tied to it as an extension. A red one - she doesn't even know where that came from - and a blue.

She tilts her head, examines the handy work. It's not bad. She's seen better blanket forts - like the ones she built with her dad - but she won't tell Castle that. Her eyes catch on the sock clad feet sticking out from one corner. She knows those feet and with a shake of her head, she heads to their bedroom to rid herself of the badge and gun.

"Kate?" She hears it as soon as she's entering the room.

"Be there in a minute, just changing." She moves swiftly, efficiently. She's done this so many times that it's all without thought. Just a flurry of precise movements around their bedroom.

Her clothes join his in the hamper of dirty laundry as she opts for comfort. If she's really going to be crawling through a fort of sheets, she wants to be comfortable doing it. She's about to pull a worn t-shirt over her head when her reflection in the mirror catches her attention. She pauses, examines what she sees. Some days she's confident, feels sexy, but today she catches the flare of her hips, wonders if she's really lost all the baby weight.

With a roll of her shoulders, she turns away and finishes dressing. Better things to do than let her mind plant doubts where there shouldn't be any. She steps into a pair of shorts and almost trips as she's pulling them up her legs mid stride to the living room. She's in a bit of a rush, wants to join her boys but it's the sound of Castle's voice that stops her, makes her lean against the back of the couch and eavesdrop on her soon-to-be husband.

"You know Cub, you might not know what any of this means but I grew up without a father," She presses her fingers against her lips, tries not to make a sound. "I met him recently, well not too recently but he helped me save your sister. He was also the reason she was taken. I spent my entire life not knowing and then suddenly he's there and...I don't know, I guess I'm trying to say that I'll never leave you, Wes. Never. And I hope I make you proud."

He doesn't talk about it much - he's not supposed to but hearing him promise their son something like this crushes at her chest, makes it heavy and tight. It still upsets him that he didn't have a father figure. She stumbles over to the entrance of the fort, gets down on her hands and knees. As soon as she's crawling in, she sees them cuddled together in a corner. Castle still has his legs sticking out and he's holding Cub's hands, keeping the baby wearing a blue and brown onesie upright on his chest.

She settles in next to them and props her head up on her hand, her free fingers reaching out to rub the back of Cub's head. Wes blinks at her, shows off his gums in a big smile. She never thought she'd be like this with him, that she'll do anything - _anything _- just to see that toothless grin.

"Hey, baby boy." She loves them like this. Together, playing, being father and son. As much as she loves taking over when she gets home, becoming a mother and just being - holding - snuggling with her little boy, she likes this too. She can wait. As much as she convinces herself they do this all day long, she's just as taken with the idea of watching.

Staring as Castle gently lays Wes on his chest, rubs a hand down his spine. Those hands still amaze her daily. How gentle they can turn when he's handling their son. How rough they can be when she needs to just forget the day, how velvet they can feel when he decides to slow things down, make love.

She scoots closer, pressing her front into Castle's side, her chest against his shoulder so she can touch them both. Be in the moment. Cub is wiggling, squirming, raising himself up on unsteady arms. He squawks, a frustrated sound with his lack of ability to move around and she almost understands. He's a mover. He's going to be a handful as soon as he's mobile but he's trying to push away and all she wants to do is come closer. Babies and their silly ways.

"Watch this, he gets so mad - I think he has his Momma's temper." She almost takes offense to that but her attention is on the way he holds their four and a half month old. He has one hand on his back, one on his legs and Wes is grunting, his face pinching as he frowns. She knows that face, knows what comes next. Sure enough he's opening his mouth - yelling out with his brow furrowed and his hand slapping down against his father's cotton clad chest. He's not crying, he's just mad.

"Daddy being a meanie? Let him roll, I'll catch him." He does, he lets go and Wes rolls towards her. Settles on his back in the indentation between his parents. The dip where her body is touching Castle's. She puts her hand on his belly to keep him from going any further. She doesn't need him rolling into the floor.

"How was your day?" She snorts out a laugh, can't help herself.

"Really? We've become that couple?"

"What's wrong with that question? I haven't seen you since we fell asleep last night. Seems like an honest inquiry."

"Early body drop. It was...a day. Missed you." Even as she says it, feels it, she's staring down at the dark head of hair. The miniature combination of them. "Both of you."

"After this one is in bed for the night we'll take a nice long shower, curl up and you can tell me all about the case." She drifts her gaze back to his with a lazy sweep. She's not sure she wants to stop looking down at Wes and the way he seems mesmerized by the sheet ceiling above them but she wants to look at his father too.

"Sounds pretty good to me. So, Cub's first blanket fort huh?"

"Figured it was time." He's so serious as he says it, no hint of amusement in his voice - pure affection and conviction. "We took pictures."

She hums a response, stretches her neck to place her lips against his smooth cheek. She lets it linger despite the awkwardness of the position they're all three in.

"Espo asked when we were going to bring the _'littlest detective'_ to visit."

"What if he's the littlest writer?" She shakes her head, tickles the baby's belly to make him giggle. He kicks at her, tries to get away from her prodding fingers as she rolls to her back, holds him in the crook of her elbow. His laugh is one of the greatest things she gets to hear on a daily basis. And he's already turning out to be such a goober. Just like his father.

She doesn't want him being a cop - but she'll love him always. She doesn't want him to be a writer either. She wants the ball of joy in her arms to pave his own path. To be something, anything, everything.

"I think he can be anything he wants to be. He'll be great at whatever he chooses."

"Why Katherine Houghton Beckett, you getting all sentimental on me?" Yes. She is. She has been since day one. The very moment she found out she was pregnant. Yes. Even before that.

"I cried when he was born Castle, if that's not sentimental I don't know what is."

"I cried too. With Alexis and Wes. That power of emotion doesn't go away, I'm sure even if we have another child we'll both still end up blubbering messes." She turns her head, raises her eyebrows at him. She _was not_ a blubbering mess. She'd just been overwhelmed and terrified - mostly happy though, that's what she remembers. The happiness. That life changing sense of joy.

"You know, I come home after a long day at work and you've insulted me twice. Saying I have a temper and then calling me a 'blubbering mess'." She feels tiny fingers pinch her arm, repositions Wes until he's on his stomach next to her. "Better watch it Castle or we'll never even _practice_ making babies."

She sits up with a smile on her face and crosses her legs. The top of her head is almost touching the sheet stretched above them but she's uncomfortable lying down. She moves her son to rest in front of her, puts a toy by his hand. A pair of brightly colored soft dice that rattle when he shakes them. Castle stays where he's at. Doesn't move an inch except for the hand that's now rubbing up her back.

"I don't think we need the practice. We're already so _good_ at it." It doesn't even occur to her that she's actually having this conversation with him. That they're joking around about more kids. She's too busy being distracted by the serious look on Cub's face, the way he lays his head down on the floor when he's tired of holding it up. The little patch of hair that sticks up no matter how many times she pats it down and his beautiful eyes locked onto the toy in his hands.

"We did make a beautiful little boy." There's no denying it. He's a looker and he hasn't even been in the world for half of a year. "But I don't know, Castle, I kinda like the practicing part."

"It is rather...enjoyable, hot, kinky even." She scoffs, slaps at his chest as their baby squeals in excitement at something. "Ow!"

"Not in front of Wes."

"This just solidifies the fact that you have a temper." She almost hits him again but then she'll be proving him right so she chooses the higher path. Leans over him to plant a kiss to his smart mouth. There's all sorts of ways to shut him up and this one isn't so bad. He nips her bottom lip, tugs on it as she pulls away and every ounce of blood in her body rushes south. "A very sexy temper. One might even say that it's-"

"Maybe you should quit while you're ahead."

"Yeah, I'll do that." His hand reaches, cups the back of her neck with a warm gentle hold and then he's tugging her back down. She goes willingly, let's him cherish her mouth while their son is sighing happily, grinning at his toys.

It's the click of the door that pulls her away and momentarily forgetting they're inside a fort, she looks in the direction the sound came from. Only she sees nothing but fabric. She doesn't like not knowing who just walked in - it's a cop thing. She knows it's one of two people but she still doesn't like not being able to see them. The fort moves, some of the sheets swaying and then a pop of color pokes through.

A flash of an orange red and Alexis' smiling face.

"Room for one more in here?" There's plenty. Apparently when Castle makes a fort, he goes all out, makes it big enough for an entire family. It's a bit impressive. Impractical but impressive. She won't feed his ego though.

"I think we can squeeze you in. What do you say Kate, one more kid?" Her cheeks flush because her brain doesn't register the question being about Alexis. Her brain hears 'one more kid' and she's not ready for that discussion. Wes is too little and she doesn't want anymore children. Her son is more than enough. He'll always be more than enough. He's perfect and he's everything.

"Yeah. Come on in, Lex." The girl crawls in, goes straight for Wes. He loves his big sister, is always so happy when she comes around and Kate falls more and more in love with their relationship every time she witnesses it. This time is no different.

As soon as Alexis sits, she pulls Cub into her lap and presses a sloppy kiss against his neck. He giggles, throwing his head back into her chest, looking up at her. The smile on his face is the only proof Kate will ever need that he loves his sister. Even if he doesn't understand that's who she is. Even if she's not always around and there's such a huge age gap. He adores her.

It's not hard to fathom. Alexis has a personality that just makes you fall in love with her. She's very much her father's daughter and completely opposite of him all at the same time.

"Did you build this fort Wes?" Something akin to a chirp is the answer Cub gives. "You did a great job, little buddy."

"Hey now, I helped!"

"You always did make the best forts." Finally, he sits up, joins the little circle they've unknowingly formed. Reaches out to play with Wes' toes. Everyone always does it and Kate wonders what it is about baby feet that makes every single person reach for them. The cute chubby shape of them perhaps, or maybe it's those tiny little toes.

He flexes his foot against Castle's palm and pats his uncoordinated fingers against his sister's denim clad leg. It's definitely the toes. As soon he stretches them out, she's sure of it. No doubt it's the tiny toes. Alexis strokes over his head, rakes her fingers through the thick crop of hair.

"He still has so much hair."

"It's turning a lighter shade and getting thicker. Softer." Her eyes catch with her partners on the last syllable. Soft like his, her mind adds silently. She's pretty sure his adult daughter doesn't want to imagine the situations in which Kate buries her fingers in those thick locks so she keeps it to herself. Files it away as Castle leans back, drops his hand from their sons foot.

"What do you say Alexis, does this meet first-ever-fort requirements?" She gives a smile and a nod. "Don't worry, I plan to invite you when we venture to the cardboard castle making."

Kate opens her mouth, about to make a quip about it being a castle but she doesn't have the chance because something has excited her son and he's the one who interrupts. A high pitched almost ear splitting happy yell that his body squirming against Alexis' chest. She laughs softly, turns him around to face her and makes a face at him. Has him giggling in seconds.

It's the moments like these, sitting in some ridiculous - but awesome - fort of sheets, with the most important people that make days like this one worth it. With their son giggling and his sister puffing out her cheeks, letting him pat a chubby fingered hand against her mouth as she blows out the air - it eases Kate's mind. Makes her feel like this is exactly what she was put on this planet to do. To help others. To be part of a family.

* * *

She's sitting up in bed - hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun and only a robe covering her when Castle returns with two mugs. Hot chocolate - she asked him to surprise her but the whipped cream on top and the spoon give it away. He offers her one with a warm smile and she closes her hand around it, pulls it from his grasp with a steady hand.

Normally she hates going to bed with wet hair but the shower had been too tempting to pass up and now hot chocolate? This man spoils her sometimes. She holds the cup with both hands when the mattress dips under his weight. Careful not to let even one drop slosh over the rim. She wants to enjoy this treat. He settles in next to her, their robes clashing against the blanket beneath them.

She grabs the spoon, dips into the whipped cream then submerges it in the chocolate for a brief second before lifting it to her lips. It melts in her mouth, a puddle of blissful indulgence. It's almost too hot but she swallows it down anyway, enjoys the burning slide it creates.

"A young woman, around mid twenties, no ID yet. We're running prints. We don't know who she is or why someone killed her. We have the how - single gunshot to the chest. Straight through her heart." She hears him suck in a sharp breath and she knows exactly what he's thinking. She reaches over, squeezes his thigh. "Close range - don't worry I'm fine. Just frustrated with the lack of knowledge."

"We've made it with less."

"Come in tomorrow, be my partner. Dad wants some time with Wes anyway."

"Alright. Is that really all we have?" She loves that he still helps, still comes to the precinct when Alexis or Martha offer to keep their son. It's usually only for about three to five hours but she does enjoy it. Loves that he still lumps himself in on the cases even if he isn't with her every single day.

"She was found with a purse, no wallet. Wearing a dress, heels, club wear not high end party so we ran a canvas of the clubs in the area but nothing much. Some guy said he saw her dancing with a girl but he couldn't remember anything after that."

"I remember those days."

"Mm." Yeah, Kate knows all about how those days ended for him. Remembers his file with stunning clarity. Police horse. Enough said. She takes a sip of from her mug, feels the cool topping touch her nose. As soon as she pulls the cup back she reaches up to wipe her face with the sleeve of her robe. Warm thick fingers wrap around her wrist, stop her from moving. She watches his eyes darken, feels her heart skip to a new rhythm, faster and slightly off kilter.

He puts his hot chocolate down on the nightstand, then eases hers from her hand to sit them side by side. She really just wants to wipe the white sweet treat from her nose. That's all but the moment he leans in she's smiling because he's really doing this. He's really pausing millimeters from her face, poking his tongue out to collect the spot from her skin. Ridiculous cliche of a man.

It shouldn't be as hot and hilarious as it is but she's choking back a laugh, letting his mouth dart down to cover her own, giving in the second he's pushing against the seam of her lips. But she can't. She just can't and then she's laughing into him, pushing at his chest until he relents.

"You taste delicious." She knows what he's talking about and it still sends a flare of heat through her veins.

"You're supposed to be helping me build theory."

"I am." And the moment she feels the heat of his hand slip beneath her robe, brush over her thigh, she's giving him a smirk. "We should go back to the clubs, maybe go undercover."

"Why Castle, so you can have your way with me against the wall of a dirty dimly lit bathroom - me in a tight dress and strappy heels?" His fingers pause on the inside of her leg, his air rushing out of his mouth, blowing right in her face as his eyes widen.

"Uh - that's...not - what?"

"Calm down big boy, I wasn't serious." It's comical, how easy it is to get him. But now it ends with revenge and she knows it's coming. The second he narrows his gaze, grips her thigh, she knows she's in for it. "Castle, the case. We're talking about the case."

"You started this."

"What? I did not. You did." She might have, maybe, sort of started it but she isn't going to admit it. Not when he's the one who put his tongue against her skin. All she did was tease with words. A scenario that will _never_ happen. Well...she doesn't think it will.

"Nope. I clearly recall it being you."

"Maybe you've reached the age where your mind starts slipping." He growls, a low sound that rumbles from his chest and before she can even brace herself he's over her, dragging her down the bed with a grip that sets every nerve in her body on end. She yelps, startled by his sudden outburst but it turns into peals of laughter when his mouth attacks her neck.

**a/n: I wanted this one to be family oriented and fun. Get ready for the next chapter guys. That's all I'm saying.  
**

**Also for those who have asked - No, I'm not doing a post finale story. But I will continue Make It A Strength.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
**

**A/N: I have the flu. So I'm writing Cub and watching Stana interviews to make things better. You have no idea how much I HATE being sick. It's not even a wimpy 'oh I don't feel good waaahhhh'. It's a full on 'omfg just shoot me in the face and leave me to die' that's how much I hate it.  
**

Her thighs are burning, the muscles protesting under the stress she's putting them through. Sweat is dripping down her back, making her sticky and uncomfortable but it feels too good to stop. She'll need to soon but she just can't yet. Another round at least to slow down, ease her body back into the normalcy of walking.

With her sneakers pounding the pavement and and her arms stretched to hold onto the jogging stroller, she slows her pace, longer strides and deeper breaths. It's Cub's first run. Not that he's doing anything more than sleeping but it's still a big moment to her. She wants it to be a good one because it's the first time it's been warm enough to take him out and she still has a fuzzy sleeper on him, a hat, and a blanket tucked around him just in case.

It's a little more difficult to run pushing a weight in front and she's tired, she's aching and she really wants to sit down. Her steps falter and she gives in to it, settles into a walk as she works on getting some air into her lungs. She's not out of shape by any means but she never thought of how much effort it takes to push a baby up an incline while running.

She pulls the stroller back against her stomach, peeks over the top to see that Wes has his head propped up on his hand, mouth open, drool pouring out. She likes to think he gets that from his father but only because she refuses to admit the times she's woken up, wiped her hand across her face and been thoroughly disgusted.

She stops pushing, steps around in front of the stroller and adjusts the straps, makes sure he's nice and snug. Call her paranoid but she just needs to check that he's secure every once in awhile. She drops down to a crouch, tugs the corner of his blanket up to rub against his cheek and chin. Satisfied the drool is gone, she lets it drop, caresses the side of his face with her fingers. He's getting so big, every day it seems he grows and she's still in awe of him.

He sighs into her, turning his face into the warmth her palm offers and she's shown once again that his love for her is unrelenting - even when he's sleeping, he just knows where she is. With one last sweep she adjusts his beanie, and stands. It's nice out, a little cool now that she's no longer exerting herself and the beads of sweat are starting to dry on her skin but still nice and bright. She doesn't want to leave just yet, she wants to enjoy having her son out with her.

Her shirt is sticking to her and she's in need of a shower but it can wait. She grabs the stroller, pushes it over to the nearest bench and plops down expelling a gust of air from her lungs. She tugs her son closer, watches his eyes flutter as if he's just noticed the stop in motion. He barely made it ten minutes into her job before he passed out. One minute he was talking up a storm in his own little language and the next minute it was silent. He blinks twice, closes his eyes again for another long moment and then he's slowly looking up at her.

"Hey there, you missed it buddy." He blinks again, frowns with his lips squished together. She doesn't like this face. It's adorable but it isn't that beautiful grin she loves to see. "Don't be grumpy, you had a nice little nap and it's beautiful today."

"Hi," Her head snaps up at the intrusive high pitched voice. There's a little girl beside her, freckled face and blond curls. Kate looks around but doesn't see anyone with her. Just people idly walking by. "You have a baby?"

"Yeah, I'm Kate and this is Weston. What's your name sweetie?"

"Kayla, Daddy calls me Kaykay." The little girl smiles, showing off a missing front tooth and Kate's left picturing the day Wes loses his first...if he ever gets any. Five months and still no sign of teeth.

"Are you here with your Daddy?" Wes yells out over her question - a smile finally appearing on his face and making the girl giggle.

"Yeah."

"Where -"

"Kayla!" Both of them turn at the sound. A blond man running towards them with a panic stricken look on his face. There's no doubt it's the young girl's father. He grabs her shoulders as soon as he reaches them, lifts her up until she's crushed into his chest. "Jesus, Kay, I thought someone had taken you!"

"No, Daddy, I wanted to see the baby."

"Kayla you can't just run off, do you hear me? You promised to stay in the girls bathroom until I came out, remember?" Kate watches the interaction with curiosity and fear. She wants to ask him why his daughter was unsupervised but it sounds like he had things under control and just has a rather sneaky child. "And you know better than to talk to strangers."

"Kate's nice and she has a baby, look at him Daddy, isn't he cute?"

"Kayla, your dad is right. You can't go running off just because someone has a baby. That doesn't make them nice and you could get hurt." She worries she might have overstepped but the man just gives her a slow nod, almost as if he's not sure what to make of her. She doesn't really blame him. She's sitting here in workout clothes that stick to her skin and she's holding her son's hand as if they're just enjoying the time outside.

"Thank you, uh Kate, right?"

"Yeah."

"And that's Weston!" Kayla points at Cub, a smile on her face and her hand tucked around her father's neck. Something clenches in Kate's chest, makes her anxious and uncomfortable. "Isn't he cute?"

"He is, he's very cute. Must get that from his mother. I'm Mark." It makes her forehead pinch and she's not sure she heard the man correctly but if so then he just complimented her. At least, she thinks it's a compliment. "How old is he?"

"Five months." As she says it, she squeezes the chubby fingers tangled with hers and looks back down at him. He's in a better mood it seems, chewing on his blanket and scrunching his nose. Although there's still a bit of a furrow to his brow.

"I'm five years old! Daddy says I'm a big girl."

"Okay, Kaykay, I think we've bothered this lovely woman enough. Thank you for you know...not kidnapping my kid."

"Uh, you're welcome?" She's really not sure what to say when he's smiling at her and backing away. Is he flirting? She's not sure. "Besides, it'll look bad if a cop kidnaps a kid."

"You're a cop?" Oh no. She knows that tone, the way his voice peaks at the end of the question. The octave raising. He's another one of those men that finds it fascinating. She gives a nod, rocks the stroller back and forth as Cub starts to fuss. He grows more agitated, yells out once before settling for an unhappy grunt.

"I should go, he's getting fussy."

"Maybe we'll see you around?" She pushes up from the bench, gives them a smile as they walk away. She waits until they're out of sight before she kneels in front of her son. He's still huffing but he seems less upset. She playfully tickles his chin, trying to get that smile back - the one a little girl coaxed out of him. He frowns, huffs again and she gives up.

"You gonna be a ladies man like your father?"

"Well apparently, I'm not the only charmer in this family." This time she jumps at the sound of a third party entering her conversation. Almost topples over but catches herself with a hand on the grass.

"What are you doing here?"

"Woke up lonely. Knew you'd be here so I brought you coffee and a bottle for Wes." She shakes her head, takes the hand he's offering and lets him hoist her up. He steals a kiss from her, a little possessive and rushed. A hard press of his lips but she lets him and just quirks her eyebrow when he lets her go. He has that look in his eyes. She knows that look but she won't say anything. She'll give him time to simmer in silence.

With a smile, she takes the coffee he offers and finds herself back on the bench. He plops down next to her, tugs Wes closer to him and reaches in to tickle his belly. She loves the idea of this. She loves doing this. Sitting in a park with their son, sipping coffee. She wishes she had more time, more days off. Maybe she needs to cash in some vacation days soon.

"I was just leaving, Wes is getting fussy."

"Seems fine now. Maybe he missed me or maybe he didn't like Momma flirting with another man." There it is. He's done being silent about it. Jealous Castle is coming out to play and it shouldn't make her grin but it does because he's ridiculous.

"I wasn't flirting. I was being polite."

"Hmph. Looked like flirting."

"Oh yes. Because making sure a little girl gets back to her dad after she runs off is definitely flirting." She's making fun and maybe just maybe that's the wrong thing to do but he's broody and the pouty face is the same one her son was making just minutes ago.

"He was flirting." Now he's just grumbling and she stifles a laugh. As if she could ever love any other man besides him.

"Okay, so maybe he was. Women flirt with you all the time especially now when you have a baby with you. I see it but I don't say anything because every night, you're with me. I know where you sleep. I know where your heart is."

"Well Cub didn't like him."

"Mm. I see." She leans over, plants her lips against his cheek, and slides her fingers over the back of his head. "You're being ridiculous. I love you."

He takes the bottle he's holding and passes it to Wes. He grips the bottom of it with his fingers but gives their son the freedom of grasping it with his own hands. He's becoming an independent baby. Wanting to do things for himself and getting mad when anyone tries to help. She knows where he gets it from, that's all her and for once she really hopes he grows out of it. Because she wants him to be a snuggle bug. She wants him to be more like his father.

"I figured he was hungry and you'd be on your way back but I thought it might be nice to just hang out here for a bit." He's talking nonsense, rambling and she knows that he's aware of it. "Nice out."

"It is." She leans into his shoulder, watches as Wes blinks back at them. A smile finally taking over for a brief second before he continues sucking at the nipple. He looks brighter. His eyes clear and big. They're changing, becoming a gray twist of color. "What color do you think they'll be?"

"What?"

"His eyes."

"I don't know. They look like yours...just more gray. I hope he has your eyes." She turns to him, a little taken aback by the words. "You have gorgeous eyes. I believe I told you that the day we met."

"You also told me that you'd be happy to let me spank you - I didn't exactly take anything you said seriously back then."

"I stand by it."

"Maybe later, Stud." She reaches over, squeezes his thigh and he takes that opportunity to clutch her hand with his own. "I always thought they'd be blue like yours. A beautiful brilliant blue."

"We can always try again." For the first time, it doesn't completely knock her off balance. Maybe it's the scenery. The green and the trees. She can hear kids laughing or maybe it's solely because he's letting go of her fingers, reaching with both hands to take their son out of the stroller and cradle him to his chest but she's okay

"Oh I don't know Castle, you're getting a bit old."

"Wait till I get you home, I'll show you old." She knocks her head into his shoulder, runs her hand up his thigh. She probably smells like a gym but he isn't complaining.

"I'm sweaty and gross and that's really what's on your mind."

"Now I'm just thinking of you in the shower." He's such a man. But he's a man holding their son in the park and feeding him and yeah, she's thinking of a shower too. Them in the shower...but later because Wes comes first. And he's currently being vocal, a gurgle bubbles up from his throat as he pushes the bottle away from his mouth. "You know I'm serious. If you want more kids, we can try."

"I - uh, I don't know. How about we make it through this one's first year before we discuss it." It's as honest as she can get but it's enough because he gives her a warm smile in reward before both of them turn their attention back to the baby. Their talkative little Cub with his sighing and huffing and loud yelling when he wants something.

"I know Wes wasn't planned but I see the way you are with him and..."

"Castle, I love him. More than anything and he's enough for me. So let's just put a pin in it and discuss it once we make it a bit further. Besides, aren't we supposed to be planning a wedding?"

"I suppose we should considering in just a little over a month you'll be my wife." It still makes her bite her lip, duck her head as if it's some sordid secret that she's not supposed to know. She pats his arm lightly, a silent question he knows the answer to. She wants access to her baby and he gives it by sitting him up. "What do you think Cub, won't Momma be pretty in a dress?"

"He can be in it. Not as the ring bearer or whatever though. I just want you to hold him."

"Are we really talking about this?" It makes her shut her mouth, question why he's asking such things as she plays with Wes' fingers. "No, no, not in a bad way. I just meant, are we really having a wedding? We didn't talk about it until now. Not really and I guess I just thought you wouldn't want one."

"Castle, I want my dad to walk me down an aisle. I may not want everything like the hype and the poofy stuff," He makes a face but she continues on. "but I want pictures to show Cub. Nothing big."

"Small and simple?"

"Sounds perfect." It does. It sounds just like what she wants and she'll admit the reason she's been putting off discussions has everything to do with her irrational fear that he'd want big and loud and that's just not her. He gets it. He knows and that's what has her leaning in to give him a soft kiss. To brush her mouth over his, let her hand cup his cheek.

Wes squeals - a happy loud pitched sound that breaks their intimate bubble but she doesn't mind, neither of them do. He's too cute in his soft blues and the beanie that covers his ears. It makes his cheeks look chubbier.

"There's our happy boy. See, told you - he just didn't like you talking to other men." She rolls her eyes, scoots as close as possible to the two men she adores and let's it all sink in. She's marrying him in less than two months. She's been a bridesmaid multiple times but this? She's never been the bride. She doesn't really know how to do this. Oh. She needs a dress.

**a/n: Park time and Wes' first run. :D And what? Did I finally make them discuss the wedding? Oh yeah. I did.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I'm not cool enough to own it.  
**

**A/N: Oklahoma Strong guys. We'll make it through.  
**

She doesn't want to do this anymore. How hard is it to find a dress? Just something simple and not poofy like the last billion she's walked by. Okay, not a billion. She's exaggerating a bit. It's not her fault, she's carrying a fussy baby and she wants to just find _something. _Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to put this off.

"What about this one?" She turns towards the sound of her friend's voice, gives the heap of fabric a once over and a noncommittal shrug. It's decent. "Girl, we are never going to find something if every dress gets that unimpressed shrug."

"Lanie,"

"No, listen, just try it on. Try at least _one _dress on - I mean what's the point of dress shopping if you don't even try?"

"This is just harder than I thought and none of these are what I want and Wes is cranky and -"

"_And _you're talking in run-on sentences with that look on your face which means something is actually bothering you. Out with it." Lanie is right. Something is bothering her and she doesn't really know what it is or why it's choosing this day to rear it's ugly head.

She wants to go home. Her son is chewing on her shoulder with his hand tangled in her hair, fussing - scrunching his face to show he isn't happy and she just wants to go home. He squirms, whimpers, and she automatically reaches up to rub her hand along his spine. He's a bear today. An adorable one in his green sleeper but still a bear - maybe he's just feeding off of her energy. She's not exactly sunshine and roses.

"I - I don't know. It's just an off day." Cub raises his head, fusses, his fist tightening in her hair and pulling hard on the strands. "For both of us, it seems. No-no Wes."

She reaches up, untangles his chubby little fingers and brushes her hand over his head. The soft locks of his are smooth beneath her finger tips, soothing herself with the touch almost as much as it soothes him. Not quite because she isn't the one nuzzling his neck right now but it calms the nausea settling in her stomach.

"Then try this dress on. I'm more than capable of holding mini Castle."

"Okay, I'll give it a shot but he's being clingy and cranky."

"Honey, I've dealt with Javi when he's sick. I'm fully prepared for one tiny baby." They trade, Kate takes the dress and hands Lanie the Cub. He's not exactly tiny anymore. He's tall for his age according to his doctor and Kate doesn't doubt it a bit. She's not short by any means and neither is his father.

His father. Castle. Richard Castle - she's marrying him. Maybe that's why she's in knots, why she fumbles with the dress as she heads off to the fitting rooms. She doesn't even really hear the little sales girl commenting on how pretty she is until the door is being unlocked and she's ushered inside a small cubicle with a floor to ceiling mirror. She wants this. She wants to marry him but she's also biting her lip, taking her time to peel off her clothes because _something _about it seems off. Not marrying him - that she's pretty sure of but the rest of this. Something isn't right about any of it.

She just feels weird. It's the dresses. It has to be. She's getting too overwhelmed. She felt fine until they started looking through white, ivory, cream. So many. Fluffy, slim, strapless, halters. Beaded and not beaded. Lace and pointless ruffles. She hates ruffles. It's too much. She wants - she doesn't know what she wants. And with a sigh, she unhooks the dress from the hanger and steps into the skirt of the dress. She doesn't even know if she likes it, she's just humoring her friend.

The idea of it is nice though. It's ivory, smooth against her skin, fits nicely over her hips. She just feels like something is missing. Like there's a part of this day that isn't right. It's heavy in her chest, constricting around her lungs but she's trying. She is because she's getting married and she needs a dress. She awkwardly reaches behind herself for the zipper, with some stretching she gets it between her fingers and tugs it upwards. And with every inch, the way it tightens the bodice of the dress, she falls a little bit in love. Maybe Lanie is right. She just needs to wear it.

Because this one is winning points and when she reaches the top, adjusts the strapless cups of it over her chest, she's sold. She tugs her bra straps down just to see what it'll look like, tucks them under her arms. She doesn't need to try anything else. Because this one dress is pretty perfect. The smooth line of it, the slim cut, the way it's like silk against her fingers. She even loves the silver embellishment cinched at the hip. Everything she's been feeling, the weariness and the weight in her chest just melts as she smiles at her reflection. This is a dress she can see herself in, this is a dress her mom would fawn over - the thought halts her, stops the hand from running over her stomach.

That's it. That's what's wrong. The cloud hovering above her head. She wants her mom here for this. As a child, she always pictured dress shopping with her mother. A shiver races through her as she sniffles, swallows the lump forming in her throat, she isn't going to cry. She won't. Not when she's here with Lanie who is standing outside right now, being a good friend despite the mood she's been in all morning. She chokes it down, reaches for the door and then steps out with a somewhat heartfelt smile.

The first thing she notices is the way Wes is snuggled against Lanie's neck, his eyes drifting shut, lashes long and dark against his cheek. She supposes he gets that from her. The second is the look on Lanie's face and if she wasn't already sure this is the perfect dress, she would be now.

"Wow, Kate you look -"

"I want it. I want this one."

"Are you sure you don't want to try on some others - expand your options?" She doesn't. She doesn't even want to look at anything else because she knows this is the one she wants.

"No. This is it." Apparently there's an undeniable conviction in her tone because Lanie doesn't try to argue, says nothing as she turns back to the dressing room. She wants to get dressed, pay, go home but she can't resist a little playful jab directed to the woman swaying back and forth with a five month old in her arms. "Baby looks good on you Lanie."

"Oh we are not going there."

"Come on, you don't want little Javi's running around? Even Ryan has a mini version of himself now." A girl version but still an adorable 'Ryan'. A little playmate for her Cub. She's enjoying this. Teasing and seeing Lanie almost lose her cool. It's nice to turn the tables.

"I'm the aunt, I get to spoil him and send him home for you and writer boy to deal with. Go get dressed."

* * *

The only thing she carries through the door, is her son. She isn't bringing the dress here. Castle is too nosy and call her old fashioned but doesn't want him to see it. She wants that surprise, that thrill of knowing something he doesn't. It's going to drive him crazy and she loves that. Besides, in just a month, he'll get to see it up close and personal. Surely he can make it four weeks.

"Hey, how was girls day?" He's curious, she can see it in his eyes, in the way he abandons the laptop to the coffee table and sits up just a little straighter.

"Honestly? It was awful." She kicks off her shoes, plops down next to him with a ragged sigh. She's tired, Cub's tired. They're both cranky. Not even two seconds and he's reaching for the baby. Her arms are achy, her whole body is achy and she wants to curl up in bed for a nice long nap. She needs it but she isn't the only one. Cub smiles at his daddy, giggles when Castle noisily kisses his cheek. "Don't let the smile fool you, this one is cranky."

"Was it really that bad?"

"No, Lanie is always good company and usually so is my Cub." She gently pinches his side, knowing that it usually sends him into a squirming fit of laughter but this time, he just blinks, frowns at them both. "See."

"Probably just tired. Shopping takes it out of a man."

"I found a dress."

"Yeah?" He's failing if he's trying to hide how excited that makes him. His eyes light up, the smile that tugs the corners of his lips making him look younger.

"Yeah."

"Then why do you look so sad?" She pulls her eyes away from his, settles them on the baby burrowing into his chest, pressing his face down into his father's protective body. She isn't hiding. She's not trying to deny that there's a lingering sadness about this day. She's just not sure how to explain all of it without it seeming small and insignificant. Because even in her head, she feels ridiculous for being so affected.

"Just didn't picture dress shopping with my son and best friend." She's saying it wrong. She knows as soon as she sees his brow furrow, his lips parting to say something as he pats Wes with a light hand.

"I could have kept him but you said you wanted -"

"No. No, that's not what I meant." She scoots closer, settles against his side and it's immediately comforting. The way he offers so much of himself without doing anything more than nudging her shoulder. "I haven't thought about finding a wedding dress in a long time and I guess the last time I really imagined it, I thought my mom would be here. I don't regret taking Wes, he might have been a little fussy but so was I."

"I didn't think about -"

"S'okay. I'm fine. It was just...bittersweet." Like everything else. When she found she was pregnant, when she gave birth to her first child and now this. Now she's getting married. There's no other word to describe it. It's all bittersweet but the joy outweighs the heaviness in her heart. The good outweighing the bad.

She feels better being here - next to him with their son curling up on his daddy's chest and shoving his thumb in his mouth. She reaches out, pulls his hand gently until his fingers are just resting against his pout, no longer being sucked on. The curve of his lips puckering as his eyes open and she gazes into twin orbs that match her own. She's pretty sure he has and will have her eyes - they're definitely not blue.

He frowns, opens his mouth to yell at her and in a year or so she's sure she won't be as impressed but for now, she thinks it's adorable that he tries to be so bossy.

"Shhh, sleep Cub." She strokes his cheek, whispers her love for him as she turns, drapes her legs over Castle's lap. She wants to nap but she has no plans of moving from this spot.

"Maybe you should sing to him."

"I think you just like hearing me sing." Her son isn't the only one in a cuddly mood, she is too and she makes it known with a press of her nose against Castle's chest. It's enough to have him pulling his arm free from between them, wrapping it around until his hand rests on her hip. She likes this. The way he has his fingers on her and their son. "Let's just stay like this."

"I'm certainly not complaining but I'm still pretty sure Cub wants Momma to sing him a lullaby. He can't sleep without it." It's a lie. Their baby is already slowly closing his eyes, his breathing becoming deep and relaxed but she'll give him this because he's holding them, not even complaining that she's sprawled over his lap, making it impossible for him to return his attention to his work.

So yeah, she'll quietly hum and mutter a few meaningless words every now and then in something resembling a melody. She doesn't know if he's comfortable but he doesn't complain and she catches the moment Wes finally succumbs to his sleepiness. Castle holding him in place with one large hand over his back, the top of their little boy's head pressing into his neck. Those eyes are no longer visible - the ones that match her own and she feels her muscles relax. He'll be happier when he wakes.

They both will. That's her last thought as she sinks against her human pillow, as the last syllables leave her lips on a sigh. She's falling asleep too, the sound of Castle's heart beating out a rhythm beneath her ear and the soft skin of her baby's hand between her fingers. She's still coherent enough to know she should move, take them both to bed but Castle kisses the top of her head and she knows that she's not going anywhere. She'll never go anywhere.

"Sleep, Mrs. Castle." Those are the last words she hears.

**a/n: So I don't think I'm actually going to write the wedding. Haven't decided yet.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I have no car, no home of my own, no real life BUT I do have 3 cats. This means no, in case you hadn't already noticed.  
**

**A/N: I have a peanut butter shake. In other words, I'm pretty happy and you get Cub.  
**

She can hear his voice before she ever opens the door.

"Not yet, Cub. You can't do that." She's marrying a loud mouth. He talks too much and he rambles on and on for hours but maybe she likes it. Okay, she does. She actually _loves_ it because it's annoying and adorable. Sometimes just annoying though and on those days...she doesn't like it quite as much as others. Like yesterday when he wanted to discuss flower arrangements - that she doesn't even need - and she wanted to make the most of the fact that their son was down for his nap. Yeah, she's not a fan of his talking when it gets in the way of other fun activities.

"No...no. No you don't, Wes. You have to wait for Momma." She's not sure she wants to know what's happening inside but her curiosity and need for Tylenol gets the best of her. The migraine that pulses at her temples and makes her want to crawl in a dark hole for at least two days, is starting to be a bit much. Although it doesn't seem so bad when she pushes the door open and steps inside her home.

The click as it shuts startles the mostly naked baby in the floor, making his head snap towards the sound. He rocks back and forth on his hands and knees, his diaper clad butt sticking up in the air and a wide drooling grin taking over his face. She never thought she'd be one to fawn over drool but then again...she is in love with Castle and he does tend to drool at his desk when he falls asleep in the middle of Nikki. It's kinda gross though.

She wants her baby. She wants to barge into their little moment with Cub bobbing his head up and down and his father sitting behind him and holding his waist with one hand, a video camera in the other. She forgets the pounding in her head, drops her badge and gun into the lock box that now resides on one of her end tables they pushed against the wall.

It was a mutual decision - one made after months of walking straight into the bedroom to stash her weapon in a place her son would never be able to open with his little hands. Even if he'd been too small at the time. Didn't matter and still doesn't. He's now at the age where everything is his to explore so she did this for both of them. It makes it easier and she loves that she can just plop down in the floor next to them instead of running off to the bedroom.

"You're recording?" She makes a move to scoot closer, take over trying to help their son with his first stage of travel but Castle pushes at her thigh with a steady hand. "What?"

"Let's see if he crawls to you." She runs her fingers through Cub's hair before she moves away to humor her writer. Just a couple of feet though because she came home to be near them, not on the other side of the room. They've been trying for weeks to help Wes finally move, to pick up his knees and finally become mobile but he just giggles. Usually she's on one side and Castle is on the other, both of them nudging him with soft touch and it always ends the same way - with Wes rolling onto his back to stare up at his parents and reach for her hair.

Kate clicks her tongue, knowing how much he likes the sound but he only smiles. He seems perfectly content to just rock back and forth for a few minutes with his father pushing gently but then he gets frustrated and he yells out at her, pinching his brows together and slapping a hand against the floor. She's not sure why it's amusing to see his attitude but it is. Maybe it's even cuter because she doesn't know if he's fed up with being in the same spot or if he's sick of Castle poking at him. She knows what that's like.

"C'mere, Wes, come see Momma." The smile comes back, his eyes scrunching until they're almost closed. His devious face - that's what she's nicknamed it. "You can do it."

It's his hand that moves first, just an inch but it's something and her heart starts racing the second he rocks forward. She doesn't even care anymore that her head hurts because this is the greatest feeling, just one hand moving and she's melting into a puddle because he's _moving._ He's learning.

"That's it, go see Momma, Cub. She misses you." She'd look up at the man if she could, thank him for saying exactly what she's feeling but she can't because one little bare knee nudges forward, a tiny left hand working with it simultaneously and her eyes are filling with tears. It's barely two inches of space but he's doing it.

Another knee forward, another smack of his palm against the floor and this time he's a little more steady.

"Yeah, c'mere Cub. Come on." She reaches for him, beckons him closer with a flex of her fingers and he stops, lets out a loud squeal and then he's back on the move. Determined this time. She can see it in his eyes, see it in the way he concentrates to keep pushing, to keep going. It's a slow start by after the first few unsteady inches, he speeds up. His hands moving faster, body following behind when his knees dig into the floor. "Castle,"

"I see him."

"Castle, he's crawling." And she's crying. There are no tears streaming down her cheeks but she's close enough. Her vision is blurry and she can't even make out how much distance is left between them until she feels the brush of his skin against her fingers. She doesn't care that there's still enough space for him to keep going, she slips her hands beneath his arms and lifts. Her tiny little baby is mobile. "You did it! You did it, Cub!"

She presses her lips into his cheek, cradles the back of his head as he grabs at her face with his warm chubby hands. As much as she wants to see him do it again, she doesn't want to let him go.

"Told you she's worth the wait, Wes." The words stun her, make her accept the hand he's offering and not even frown at the camera that's still pointing her direction. She's not sure what he's talking about as he pulls her up from the floor but it quickly clicks together in her brain. The one sided conversation she heard when she was unlocking the door. The way he was holding onto the baby when she walked in.

"You stopped him, didn't you - made sure I was home to see him crawl for the first time?" He looks almost sheepish. As sheepish as one can look while filming - brow in a curious, absolutely boyish frown and she's never been more in love with this side of him.

Just when she thinks she has him all figured out, he does something like this and she's left with no air in her lungs and no words on her tongue. She adjusts the half naked baby to rest on her hip and leans in to brush her mouth over his. A soft easy touch. A lazy sweep of her lips that he returns in equal measure and then she's pulling back, meeting his eyes, rubbing her nose along his.

"I knew you'd be upset if you missed it."

"I love you." And he's right. She would have been upset, she already feels it. The way her chest constricts when she gets held up with a case, when something happens and she stays late. When Wes is sleeping by the time she makes it home and she's missed a full day with her son. Some days, she wonders if it's worth it.

"Well that's probably a good thing."

"I did agree to marry you." He raises an eyebrow at her and she resists the urge to lean back in, smother his lips. Honestly, she would have done it but her son is opening his mouth against her cheek, trying to eat her face - or give his own kisses.

"And our wedding is in a week."

"The day we've been together for two years." She's being sappy but it's okay because their son just crawled for the first time and Castle made sure that she was here to see it. So she'll do this. She'll be mushy for him.

"We should celebrate."

"We are...we're getting married." It's still a little weird to say, causes her stomach to toss but she's not having second thoughts - she's not. She's just letting it sink in. Seven days and she'll be Katherine Houghton Castle. It's a kind of a big thing and yes, she plans on celebrating accordingly on her first night as his wife.

"No, I meant Cub walking - well crawling - we should celebrate."

"He's a baby, everything is a celebration for him." It's true that their son is easily excitable. He squeals, giggles, laughs, smacks his hands on things, kicks his legs so wildly he knocks himself off balance and topples over sometimes. Not something he gets from his mother - in fact, Kate is pretty certain that's a Castle family trait.

"We could get him a puppy." A foot jabs into her side, toes digging uncomfortably as a hand presses over her mouth, grabbing at her lips. She wonders if they planned this. Castle asking and Wes distracting. She narrows her eyes, tugs the pinching digits away from her face and she wants to say 'no' but she hears a beep and it draws her attention down to the camera that's still in his hand, up close and personal.

"Are you still recording?"

"Not anymore...battery just died." She turns away from him, carries their son into the kitchen and tries not to think about the angle of his 'forgotten' taping. There's no way that thing got a good view when she kissed him. It was probably facing awkwardly and there's definitely an up the nose shot. She hates him. "So is that a yes for the puppy?"

"We're not getting a dog. We have a child and he's not even a year old."

"He's half a year and he just crawled! That's a big deal for a baby." She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, swings Cub around to the other hip so he'll stop pushing his toes into the same soft spot of her stomach.

"Great, we'll get him half a cake. No dog."

"But -"

"No. Come on, let's take this half naked one upstairs for his bath and then it's story time." She's not sure if she's talking to their son or Castle at this point but both seem pretty excited. That's all she needs, two boys and a dog. Although now that she's picturing it...no. Nope. She won't break. They don't need a dog. Not when the loft already has four people living in it.

It doesn't matter that Martha is rarely around these days, she still resides here and it's not just them who would be dealing with a rambunctious pup. Besides she already has one. He's currently tugging the ends of her hair, twisting them around his fingers to pull the tangled mess towards his mouth.

"Oh, ew. No, Wes. We don't eat hair." She's already halfway up the stairs before she realizes that he's still standing in the middle of the living room. "Hey, you comin' or you just chilling out down here?"

"Coming. Definitely coming." She tosses a wink his direction. Let's him think it over, he'll figure it out. She hears the moment he does, the amused gasp that's just a few steps behind her now.

"Why, Katherine Beckett, I never."

* * *

She's staring up at the ceiling, the blankness of it is almost soothing, not quite as soothing as the man next to her had been just a little while ago but it's close enough. Her head no longer hurts. In fact she feels pretty damn good, relaxed, better than she has all day. Her son is crawling. Her baby boy. It does call for a celebration. And they did. They had a little party, just the two of them while Cub was blissfully unaware.

Castle's arm is heavy over her waist, dead weight as his breath fans out across her cheek and she really has no idea how he just passes out in the middle of a conversation but this is one time that she won't elbow him in the ribs, force him awake.

There's no way she's interrupting his sex induced coma just to argue over the possibility of getting a dog. Clearly he doesn't find her reasons for not getting one all that interesting considering he lets out a loud snore in her ear that has her shrugging away from him, pushing herself out from under him and climbing out of the bed. She shrugs on his shirt, buttons it up to cover herself and pulls on a pair of shorts to ward off the coolness in the air.

Her partner doesn't even notice that she's gone, just cuddles the pillow instead of her. She rolls her eyes and heads out of the room. She likes the thought, honestly, of having a pet but she's already running ragged some days because of the baby and the job. She doesn't think she can handle anything more than two Castle boys and bastards who kill people.

She pauses by the couch, looks longingly up at the stairs, wonders if she can get away with waking her Cub for some snuggle time but it's almost two in the morning and he'll be incredibly cranky if she does. Her adorable little boy, not a morning person at all. In fact, he seems to detest mornings almost as much as she does until she gets coffee in her system.

"Oh for heaven's sake Katherine, just go get the boy." She jumps, almost out of her skin, clutching her chest and turning to the couch. Startled doesn't begin to cover it. Mouth open, gaping at the dark silhouette.

"Jesus, Martha! What are you doing, sitting in the dark?"

"Same thing you're doing skulking around. Go get Weston, and then we'll talk." She almost puts her foot down, refuses but she loves Martha and the woman is right, she wants to go get her son.

She does. She rushes up the stairs, not even caring that it makes her look like she's panicking. She's not. She just wants to know why her future mother-in-law is sitting alone in the dark. And maybe she's panicking a little because she thought they were alone in the loft and it's a little weird to think about his mother being on the couch when they were stripping each other naked. Yeah, it's weird.

She almost turns around when she catches site of Wes snuggled in his crib, the blanket tucked around him and his arm squishing his hippo into his side. But she doesn't. She reaches for him, gently lifts the clump of blanket, baby, and plush animal into her arms. He sighs, opens his eyes on a frown, bottom lip quivering.

"Shhh, just Momma." He whimpers as she tugs the soft fabric tighter around him, lays his head on her shoulder and clings to the hippo's foot as she carries him out of the nursery. There's a muffled cry against her but she rubs his back, whispers into his hair: "Sleep little Cub."

He quiets when she's on the stairs and he's back asleep by the time she joins Martha on the couch. It's okay, she doesn't need him awake, she just wants to hold him for a little while. Feel him nuzzle into her chest while he slumbers. It's been a long week.

"He gets bigger everyday."

"Seems like it." And that's the problem. She wonders if Martha knows - of course she does. The woman may be dramatic but she's rather wise. "I miss a lot."

"You're here for the important things." It's mostly true. She comes home as soon as she can, wakes up early just to be with him before she has to go work, and some nights like this one, she steals him from his crib and just holds him while he sleeps. "You're a good mother."

"Thanks."

"I'm not just saying that, you know? I mean it. You adore him, anyone can see that." She bites her lip, doesn't look up from Wes' slack face. "So why aren't you sleeping, dear?"

"Castle wants to get a dog and I feel like I can't even keep up with a baby." As soon as it's out and she realizes what she's just admitted, her head snaps up and she tries to shrug it off, apologize. "I didn't mean -"

"You're allowed to feel stretched thin, Katherine."

"I almost missed it. He crawled today and I would have missed it, if Castle hadn't held him until I got here."

"I think you're too hard on yourself. You two are getting married next week, why don't you take some vacation?"

"I hadn't thought about it." She hasn't. They haven't talked about any kind of trip or anything that would be considered a honeymoon. It seems strange now that neither of them have brought it up.

"Everyone deserves a honeymoon."

"I don't want to leave Wes though, not for more than a night." Even the thought of a full night is a startling shock that she's not really okay with but she knows they need some time to themselves. Something not work related and she wants to do this right. She wants to have a wedding night that's all about them joining their lives. It's forever and that's a thing. A big thing.

"So leave him with Alexis and I, go to the Hamptons and we'll bring him to you as soon as you call."

"Thank you Martha, I think we just might do that." She'll need to talk to her other half about it but she's sure he'll be okay with it. All she needs to do is tease him about finally getting to see her in the dress and being the only man to ever take a wedding dress off of her. She'll have him. "So why are you hanging out in the dark?"

"Oh, just thinking I've overstayed my welcome."

"What are you talking about?"

"I stayed with Richard because Alexis went to college and because he's my only son but now he has you here and Weston. Maybe even a dog soon. He doesn't need me living with him forever and I'm sure you're -"

"No, no Martha. I love having you here and so does Castle - even if he pretends not to." Kate does love it. She's missed having a mother figure in her life and maybe she's clinging a little but it just feels like the right thing to do. She adjusts Wes, cradles him in the crook of her arm so she can watch his chest rise and fall, stare at his mouth when he makes that little noise in his throat. Something that sounds like a sigh and a garbled 'da'. "If you're thinking of moving out just because of me, because I'm marrying your son and we have Wes, don't. Please don't."

"Oh it's not just that. He needs a place for his family."

"You are his family - our family."

"And when you two have more children?" It takes her by surprise but it shouldn't. This is Martha.

"Uh - I...don't think that's going to happen." If it wasn't so dark, she is sure there would be a visible blush to her cheeks. "At least not for a long time."

"No offense but you didn't exactly plan that one, did you?" It's a solid point. A good one. They were careful and still she's holding their sleeping six month old son in her arms. "Calm down, Katherine, I'm not moving out this second. Just throwing it out there as a possibility."

"Just promise you'll talk to him before you decide?"

"I will, if you promise to talk to him about this irrational fear you have of being a bad mother." It's not that she thinks she's a bad mom, it's just that she does miss things and it does hurt her feelings when she comes home and Castle animatedly talks about a new sound their son is making or how he now growls when he reaches for a toy.

It's the same feeling she knows Castle gets when he lets someone else watch him for the day and joins her at the precinct. When they listened to Alexis gush over the way he sits up by himself, it was something they'd both missed.

"We should probably all get to bed."

"I'll take my grandson, you go." She passes him over, he doesn't even wiggle and she smiles in the dark room. He's his father's son. "Goodnight, dear."

"Night, Martha." She can hear the woman talking to Wes as she heads back to their bedroom. She feels better though, and that's enough for now. As she crawls back in the bed, he reaches for her with one eye cracked open. "Sleep Castle."

Maybe. Maybe they'll get a dog. If he really wants one.

**a/n: There's a line in here that's from an episode of the Mentalist because it just fit perfectly. Not even sorry for borrowing it.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Nope.  
**

**A/N: Well guys, here it is. The chapter I've been slaving away over and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. Hope you like it too, even though there really isn't much Wes. ;)  
**

It's the heat that wakes her. The hot sticky air pulls her into consciousness, makes her groan and try to roll away from it. No luck, it's lingering and stifling and she can't move her legs. Her eyes fly open in the dimly lit room, hands pushing at the blankets - she hates being confined, it still makes her panic just a little - but it isn't the softness of the covers that she touches. It's more like silk beneath her fingers. Not the sheets. They're smooth but not _that_ smooth. She looks down, cringes at the sight. Even with only a small lamp in the corner of the room, she can see the orange glow it casts, the shimmering fabric that covers her.

There's no way. No way they didn't...she looks over at her partner - her husband. He doesn't look much better. His shirt is rumpled, and she worries that the creases he's creating will be permanent. He looks good though. Great. Hot. He looks hot and not just in an 'oh my god she wants him naked' kind of way, though it's true. No, he's actually sweating. Beads forming on his brow, making his skin shiny and glowing.

"Hi," The sound of his gruff voice makes her drag her gaze back up from his half unbuttoned shirt to meet his sleepy stare.

"Hey, please tell me we didn't actually fall asleep."

"We did." She already knows they did. She remembers the drive to the Hamptons and stumbling through the door to their bedroom with lips and hands touching, seeking, finding as much skin as they could with all the fabric between them. After that, things are a little fuzzy.

But she's still wearing her wedding dress - sticking in uncomfortable places - and he's still partially in his tuxedo. His pants are still on. She groans. This isn't happening. Her goal had been to get him out of those pants. It's their wedding night but she hadn't slept the night before and she just remembers lying down, cuddling into him fully intending to do more as soon as the initial shock of being his wife set in and then that's it. Nothing else until just a few minutes ago. Just missing hours that should have been spent a little differently.

Wife. She's his _wife_. Okay, yeah she can do this. It's working for her and he really does look fantastic in that tux, even sleepy and rumpled, sans jacket and bow tie. She lets her fingers play along the collar of his shirt, a hint of a smile toying at her lips.

"I can't believe we fell asleep." She glances over his shoulder at the clock, lets her eyes slip closed when she reads that it's three o'clock in the morning but she has every intention of staying awake. Apparently she isn't the only one, a sneaking hand creeps over her hip, tugs on her until she's facing him, their chests almost pressing together. It's too hot for this.

"We can make up for it."

"Can I just point out the fact that I at least got you half unbuttoned while my dress remains perfectly zipped. Getting too old there, Castle?"

"Maybe I wanted you to keep the dress on." She smiles, leans into him to tease his bottom lip with a playful nip of her teeth. She's burning up, roasting even and she wonders if the air is even on. "I really like it."

"Mm, yeah I could tell by the look you got on your face when I started walking towards you."

"What look?"

"The ever famous, aroused yet stunned '_I don't know what to do with myself so I'm just going to stand here with my mouth open_' look." He latches on to her with a growl, sucks at her lips as her hands slip down to the remaining buttons of his shirt. It's too hot...they need to remove some of the layers between them. She's sticky, can taste the sweat on his skin as she ghosts her mouth over his jaw, teeth biting at his flesh as she rids him of his shirt.

And now she's recalling the way he stared, the way his eyes were soft passion, filled to the brim with a love that knows no bounds. How his hands clenched nervously at the baby wiggling in his arms, and his mouth twitched up into a smile that only she knew how to return. Both her men, waiting for her at the end of slow walk with her father. If that's not _nearly_ perfect then she doesn't know what is.

He brings her back to the present with a press of his fingers into her ribs. The grip is possessive, might even be nice if it didn't make the material of her dress stick to her skin.

"Hot...hot, Castle it's too hot." He pulls back, grins wolfishly at her and she rolls her eyes as he pushes his hips into hers. "I'm serious, I need out of this dress, I'm sweating."

"No. Dress stays on."

"Castle," She's almost whining, almost but not quite because she won't stoop to that level and there's still that hint of demand in her tone. She won't let him get to her, no matter how much her body protests, she will stand her ground.

"You're a _Castle_ too now, Kate." And then his hands are bunching her skirt, sliding it up her legs as he pins her on her back and maybe, she'll let him win this round. "We'll take a dip in the pool after."

And with just that heated whisper of a promise in her ear, he wins. And she's so very glad she opted for a dress that doesn't have any tulle. No poof, just slick clean lines and easy for him to glide up over her skin. Yeah, she's letting him win. She'll suffer through the sticky heat, cool off later because there's no way she's capable of arguing when she's just been reminded that he's _her _husband.

* * *

Her body is humming, blood swimming through her veins on a euphoric high that she might be a little addicted to. A taste of something only Castle gives and Kate has no shame in lying here like this with him. Still dripping and bare from the skinny dip, towels beneath them as they stare up at the sky. It's still dark but she has no idea what time it is anymore. She lost track when they decided to play naked Marco Polo. She lost track of everything.

"Cool down?" She huffs out a laugh at his ridiculous question.

"Yeah, but I thought the plan was to just swim, not go for round two."

"And three." She pats his chest, nuzzles her nose against his shoulder - the wet tendrils of her hair trailing along and leaving rivulets of water on his chest. She can't resist bursting his bubble.

"Technically three wasn't in the pool." Although poolside probably counts but she won't tell him that. She'll keep it to herself, and just relax. That's what she really wants to do. Just relax and curl into him.

"We're married." She would tease him about the awe in his tone but she's feeling the same thing. It doesn't seem real. None of it really does - except on days when they're arguing and cranky. Those days seem all too real and all too long but this has been a good day. A great day and there's no way she's going to downplay her emotions right now.

He's seen her at her worst. He's stuck with her through everything. Been there for the birth of their son - it's no real surprise to herself that she really did it. She really married him on their second anniversary. A cheesy move that she came up with, something to show him that she's never going anywhere. One and done. That's it. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. She will not mess this up. She will not let him mess it up either. It might not always be easy but she doesn't want easy.

She just wants him and with that thought, she presses her lips against his collar bone, twisting onto her side for a better angle of his damp skin. He's cool to the touch now, not sweaty and sizzling. She's not sure which one she prefers but both scenarios turned out pretty well.

"Thank you." She feels him tense, knows before the words even come out of his mouth.

"What for?"

"Today. For always being here, for our son, for putting up with me, for loving me - really the list can go on and on." It's quite the list. She's mapped it out in her head before and maybe once or twice on paper and there's hundreds of things he does that deserve gratitude. So many times, he could have walked away and he almost did but now here they are, matching bands that shine as he twists their fingers together into a knot. "Just, thank you."

"That goes both ways."

"I know and _just_ so you know, if it's even possible that someone can see us right now, we're never doing this again." She feels him chuckle, hears it rumble in her ear as he reaches for his robe. It's soft as it settles over them, not quite covering everything but serving the purpose of concealing most.

"No one's around."

"Good because I don't want to go inside yet. It's too hot." She's not opposed to sleeping out here, with the breeze washing over them and the sound of waves crashing in the background. Seems like a pretty soothing atmosphere.

"I'll call someone in the morning about the air - see what's going on."

"I want to get it fixed before we have Wes up here. I mean, it doesn't matter much in the day time, we can play outside and go shopping or something but -"

"You're rambling."

"I miss him. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours." It hasn't even been twelve. The reception lasted a while and honestly, they'd both been a little reluctant to leave after spending about two hours swaying on the dance floor with Wes cradled between them.

Their son is going to be a dancer. He loved it. From the grin and giggle with every turn to the way he'd laid his head on her shoulder and fallen asleep before they were done. Now she misses him and she's supposed to be enjoying time alone with her writer.

"This is our honeymoon, Castle. It's already going to be short and we're having Martha bring Wes as soon as the air is fixed - I just...I'm sorry that we're not doing something better."

"Oh I don't know, Kate, I think it sounds pretty good and there's no way I can leave our son for more than five days."

"Neither can I." She can handle a night - maybe two. She'll miss him. She is missing him but there's no way she can leave him for multiple days in a row just to enjoy being newlyweds. As far as she's concerned, he's more important than that and they've been married for awhile. Sharing a home, sharing a son, being together so often over the last six years. There's no real need for a vacation.

"We staying out here all night?"

"Mm."

"Is that a yes?"

"Maybe. You know what I _loved_ about today?" He doesn't even flinch at her fast paced switch of topic. Just looks down at her as she rests her chin on his chest to meet his curious eyes. "That everyone we wanted to be with us, was there."

"Not everyone." It's a whisper, soft and timid but she hears it, feels her heart constrict in time with the hand that tightens at her hip, the fingers that squeeze hers. He's right. He makes a very valid point but she doesn't want to end up sad. Not right now. Not when she spent part of the morning crying in Lanie's bathroom with her mother's ring clutched in her hand.

"You're right. Not everyone but the ones who could be there, were and I know that...I know she would've been proud."

"What's not to be proud of?" It's accompanied with a shoulder shrug but she knows everything he chooses not to say. He's keeping the moment light, trying not to let things get too far out of hand. It's sweet. "I'm a great catch."

There it is. He just can't let it be, he has to always ruin it. She pinches his shoulder, grins against his skin at the girly yelp he lets out. It's still overwhelming, it's still scary but she can see herself being with him for the rest of her life. They just fit. It isn't always easy but tonight they're celebrating because this is them. They're doing it. Trusting one another and diving in for good.

"Seriously though, she would be proud. You looked so beautiful and strong. Kate, when I saw you in that dress for the first time - you're right - I stood there like a moron with my mouth hanging open but so did everyone else."

"I don't -"

"No, listen, she'd be proud. I'm proud. To see how far we've come, both of us, is remarkable but you? You're everything to so many people and you don't even realize it. Me, the boys, Lanie, your dad, our _son_ Kate - we all love you so much." He's twisting the rings on her finger and she gulps down a breath.

"I know." She does. She really does but it still tugs at something in her stomach to hear it.

"So yes, I stood there and probably looked stupid for a few minutes but I was in awe, disbelief that it was actually happening."

"It was a cute kind of stupid." She finally murmurs after a few moments of silence. What is she supposed to say to such a heartfelt speech? There's nothing. She has nothing to offer besides herself. Broken pieces included. "And I'm sure no one noticed."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She leans up, presses her mouth to his in a soft, warm, long kiss. Something slow and teasing, fit for a bride and a groom. A husband and a wife. She's the one to break. Her lips split on a smile, interrupting the caress. She doesn't open her eyes, lets herself be fully immersed in the moment as his hands grip at her hips. It's a tight press of his palms, drawing her closer, luring her in and then a hard shove.

It knocks her off balance, tips her over the edge of the pool with a splash as her body meets the water. It takes her a minute to figure out what just happened, to resurface in a spluttering mess of disbelief. Body soaked and mind racing. Oh he's so going to pay for that.

"Castle!"

**a/n: Will reply to reviews tomorrow guys. I'm running on no sleep for the last 37 hrs.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Nope.  
**

**A/N: Just dropping this off. Enjoy.  
**

She doesn't leave a note. Maybe she should but she doesn't. It's not a big deal, they're only going to be right outside and it isn't her fault that her writer spent half his night playing video games. She's pretty sure she isn't supposed to know that but even in such a large house, he isn't quiet and she'd been thirsty around three this morning. Of course he would be the one sneaking around, playing video games on their honeymoon and it's so amusing to her that she can't even find it within herself to be upset.

Her man-child. Sleeping the day away and she could wake him but she won't. Because she enjoys her time alone with Wes and the quiet that the Hamptons offers. She likes the freedom of wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt that's normally sleep wear, throwing her hair up in a ponytail and not caring who sees her lazy attire because she's here with her husband and son. She loves the way tiny finger cling to her shirt, pulling it down off her shoulder in the process of trying to be closer to her. The smile that shows off his two bottom teeth as she sits him on the kitchen counter and smothers his skin in baby sunscreen - he likes it. He giggles when her fingers brush under his arms.

"Ticklish boy." He wiggles, squirms, absolutely does not sit still as she rubs the lotion over every inch of him. Twice and she still puts him in a onesie to make sure he's covered. She's a worrier, it's what she's good at and there's no way she's letting her _baby_ boy get a sunburn. It's not happening. "Come on, Cub, let's get out of here. Enjoy our last day here while Daddy snoozes."

Wes squeals as she grabs him up, swings him around to rest on her hip. His hands grab for her shoulder, pinch at the skin he's exposed and she doesn't even complain. If she has little fingerprint shaped bruises, she'll live with it. It's days like this one that she feels like she's doing this right. He's happy, he has everything he needs and when she looks in his eyes - those endless pools of love surrounded by long dark lashes - she knows that this is enough.

"Let's go build your first sandcastle." And even though she knows that he doesn't understand what she's talking about, she swears he's excited about it. Or maybe it's just that she's excited. Either way, she doesn't waste anymore time before heading out the door with just a diaper bag slung over her shoulder and Wes in her arms.

She's always had a love/hate relationship with sand. She loves the warmth of it, the softness but she hates that it clings, gets everywhere and that's why she brought a blanket. She doesn't care that they're here to play in it, she doesn't want it all over. Dropping the bag and digging out the blanket, she's trying not to jostle Cub around too much. He doesn't mind, just clings like a monkey as she attempts to spread it out over the sand. It's harder than she thought with a baby occupying one arm but she manages to get it somewhat flattened out. It's good enough.

She sits cross legged on the edge of it, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the weight of her baby in her lap. He presses his head back into her chest, slaps his hands against her thighs as she digs a water bottle out of his diaper bag. Maybe she should have waited for Castle to be up, to join them but she knows he'll find them when he rouses. She just wants to be out, to make the most of their last day.

"Watch this Wes," She pours the water over the sand in front of them, turning it a dark murky color as it soaks up the liquid, making it pliable and sturdy for their hands. She knows before she ever caps the bottle that this is going to be messy, no matter how much she's tried to prevent getting sticky sand all over their clothes. "Here, watch Momma."

She drops the bottle, reaches towards the mushy sand, spreads it around, feels it clump on her fingers. It doesn't take long before he's leaning forward, patting his hands over hers and letting out a yell. He pulls his hands back as if it's a shock, a sensory overload and she chuckles as she presses a kiss to the back of his head. He reaches again, flexes his fingers in the pile she's pulled together and grabs a chunk of it.

He seems mesmerized by it, pulling his hands in close to his face and releasing his hold. The wet clump falls to her leg and she wonders why she even bothered trying to stay clean. She has a six month old - clean isn't even a word in her vocabulary with him around. She gets drool, cheese puff dust, smashed carrots and peas, dirty diapers, spit bubbles, runny noses and now sand that he's mashing into her skin. But she enjoys every bit of it.

This is exactly what she's been needing. Just time to spend with her family. Martha was right, she needed this time off to think, to be only a mother and not splitting her time. It's been nice, it's made her rethink things that she's been putting off - things she's been avoiding when Castle brings them up. She'll get it all sorted with her partner before they leave tonight. She wants to be clear headed when she goes back to work.

"You like it, Cub?" He chirps at her, looking up with his teeth showing and his nose scrunched. His devious grin. "You're just like your father."

She lets him make a mess of her legs, smear sand over her as she molds a tower together. The first of three. She's decided their castle will have three towers. Even though she's the architect, this is really all about Wes and spending time together as mother and son, so she makes light conversation with him. Asks questions that she knows he doesn't understand and can't answer. Like if the first tower looks alright or if it leans too much to the left.

He mutters a 'da' in response to most of her inquiries and that's okay. She takes it as a yes. Doesn't make much of it, although she's hoping his first word is 'momma' but she'll never tell anyone that.

She's almost finished with the second tower - pressing lines into it with her nail to make it look like stone blocks - when she hears a shuffling sound. Sand being kicked around. She doesn't turn, just waits because she's too into making sure their castle looks perfect and the fact that Wes is 'helping' by patting his hands a bit harshly around the base of the small structure.

"You two planning on coming inside anytime soon? I made lunch." Kate frowns and casts a glance up at their intruder from over her shoulder. He still looks sleepy, but alert enough that he's managed to throw on some clothes, even comb his hair. Shame really. She loves when Castle's hair is suffering serious bed head or when she's the one that gets to mess it up.

"How long have you been up?"

"About an hour. Thought I'd give you some time with Cub." She grins at him, beckons him closer with a jerk of her head. She doesn't want to go in just yet. She wants to finish building the tiny little castle and take a picture of Wes next to it.

"Come help us. As soon as it's done, we'll eat."

"Help you build a sandcastle - as a family of Castle's?" He's already sitting down next to her, dropping with a lack of grace that makes his shoulder bump into hers. "How can I say no to that?"

"Just start on the last tower, Castle." It's an order spoken in a soft tone, her eyes full of affection as they catch his.

"This is awfully small..."

"Don't knock it, there were just two of us working on it." He gets quiet, sets out on his mission of the final tower with steady hands, his knee pressing into hers.

Technically only one person has been working on the tiny fortress. As much as she appreciates her son's help, he's too little to actually do much. Soon though, he'll be able to help, carry water in a bucket and use his little sand covered hands to do more than grab and pat. She really loves him, more than she ever thought possible and she doesn't want him to grow up alone. But is that even fair?

Her thoughts have been racing, dreams getting carried away with images and scenes of two kids running around. A little girl chasing her big brother and it's put things into perspective. She's stalling for reasons that need to be voiced. She needs to talk and with a shaky hand that almost causes her tower to collapse, she reaches out to grip one of his. No time like the present - with their first child in her lap, sand covering him and a smile on his face.

"Am I doing it wrong?" He's amused, thinking she's about to berate him on his skills but then she laces their grimy sand crusted hands together, not even caring about the feel and he gets it. She knows with the stroke of his thumb over hers that he knows she's about to say something important. "Hey, what's going on in that mind of yours?

"I know it's small...but so are we. It's just the three of us here and maybe," She drops her gaze to Wes, feels that clench in her chest and knows she's doing the right thing. "maybe when we have more kids, we can do something a bit more elaborate."

"_When_?"

"I've been thinking about it and I do want another baby but I've been putting off this conversation because I - I worry that I'm not doing this right, that I'm messing up and -"

"Kate,"

"Let me finish." She needs to do this, to get it out. "I worry that Wes is too young but then I don't want to wait forever because you're not. No offense."

"We'll come back to that." He's trying not to smile and she doesn't even hide hers. "Kate, you're not messing anything up. You're one of the best mother's I've ever seen and I'm not saying that because you're my wife, my partner. I'm saying that because it's true. You're here for him, you love him so much that you've taken the time to think this through to the point of seeming a bit crazy."

"Gee, thanks."

"Not a bad thing. Just a little frustrating sometimes, the way you over analyze." She playfully jabs her elbow into his ribs. "And you know that if you only want Wes, I'm happy with that. I'm not pushing."

"I know but I think I'm ready, maybe not right this second but I'm not going back for my next depo shot."

"Isn't that in like two weeks?" She gives a single sharp nod. It is. Two weeks and she's letting her birth control run out. She can do this. Handle being a mother and being a cop. In the last six days, she's proven that. It won't kill her to cut back a bit. She'll take more vacation. Use the days given instead of letting them accumulate.

It's the way he's looking at her, like she's the most stunningly irritating wonderful person on Earth that solidifies her decision. She wants this. She wants to come home to him and their kids. To movies and crashing on the couch with a blanket of little bodies. To feet kicking and elbows jabbing when there's a storm and suddenly Mom and Dad's bed becomes the safe haven. She wants it.

"So you're telling me that we got married a week ago and we're officially trying for baby number two?"

"Do you think it's too soon? Wes isn't even seven months."

"Which means he'll be over a year old by the time we have another - maybe almost two depending on how long this takes." Just hearing him put it into words, rationalize his perspective, it makes her heart race, her chest fills with a wave of emotion. It crashes over her, makes her smile. It pushes her into him and with a hand on Wes to keep him from toppling over, she presses her mouth against Castle's.

"But this is the last. Just two kids for us." He nods dumbly, not even hearing what she's saying as he steals another kiss. She rolls her eyes, lets him tug at her bottom lip as he pulls back. He's such a guy. "I'm serious. We have Alexis, Wes, and then one more, okay?"

"It still amazes me every single day that you include Alexis."

"I know she's not mine but she's still my family." Wes interrupts, a growl that draws their attention and has Kate bending to press her nose into his soft hair. "Let's finish this, take a picture for the album and then I think we're all going to need a bath."

"You do have sand on your cheek. It's cute." Without even thinking of the consequences, she grabs a handful and tosses it at him. She still needs to get him back for the swimming pool incident.

* * *

It's been silent in the car since the moment they left. Wes asleep in his carseat, the shadows of night painting over everything and just their headlights glowing. Kate feels exhausted - spending almost an entire day outside always does this to her but she doesn't want to fall asleep. She wants to talk more. It almost makes her laugh. The fact that she wants to talk to him when she spent so many years, months, days, avoiding that very thing. Talking. Sometimes it's still difficult. But she tries and hopefully that's good enough.

"Castle?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think I'm a bad mom." She doesn't. She's there for her son, she doesn't do drugs, she doesn't neglect him, she isn't parading hundreds of guys through her bedroom. She's not abusive - she never will be.

"I know."

"I just - what happens when I don't come home one night?"

"I put our kids to bed and you see them in the morning." He doesn't understand what she's hinting. It goes over his head and she heaves out a sigh, clenches her fingers around his thigh.

"No, I mean...what happens when I _never_ come home, when I get shot or -"

"If. _If _that ever happens and it won't - then I...do we need to talk about this? Because now I'm thinking about your shooting and I can't do that. All I see is you bleeding out, dying Kate, and that's not something I like to relive."

"Exactly. It happened before and there's no guarantee that it won't happen again." But she's a lot more careful now that she has so many things to live for. She is, she's cautious, doesn't run at things - monsters - with blinders on. "I know that bad things happen and it doesn't matter what profession, but I have one with risks and I don't want Wes or any other kid we have to go through what I did when I lost my mom."

"They won't because you aren't going anywhere." She lets the tips of her fingers dig into the inseam of his pants, doesn't care that she's leaving marks.

"You don't know that. Just like I don't know that you won't get hit by a bus tomorrow. We have so much to lose now and I know I don't talk about it -_ we_ don't talk about it - but Bracken is still out there. He's a threat, he hasn't done anything because of my bluff but what happens if he finds out? He'll put another bullet in my chest or -"

"Stop it. Okay, I get it but just stop it. You're scared and that's fine because I am too. You're right, something could happen to either of us but our kids will know they're loved. They'll know we didn't go willingly and that's the best anyone can do." He's right and she knows it. She does. The tension in her shoulders eases. "Don't back track on me now."

"I'm not. I promise you I'm not and I'm not saying that these things will happen."

"Then why -"

"I just want to talk. I want you to tell me that I'm being irrational and that everything is going to be okay because that's what we are. I run and you chase, I freeze and you melt, I freak out and you comfort." There's a silent pause, a brief second and then his lips twitch. She's admitted a bit too much, showing him her cards.

"You're being irrational and everything is going to be okay."

"Thank you." He doesn't reply but his hand drops to cover hers. His palm resting against the back, fingers slipping between her own. "I just wanted you to understand that I don't think I'm a bad mom, I just worry...a lot."

"Which makes you a great mother. I can't fault you for it and honestly, I worry about the same things. Alexis was kidnapped because of who my father is - so yeah, I understand Kate, but we can't live like that."

"I know, that's why I wanted to get it all out before we -"

"Make more babies?"

"Baby. Singular." He squeezes her hand because he knows her, inside and out and he can tear her soul. Rip it apart and something tells her that he's about to. Maybe it's the twitch in his jaw, the way he pushes his lips together in a thin line. He takes a deep breath and then he breaks her open with the words that tumble out.

"I won't be your father, Kate. I won't take to the bottle." And her heart shreds because that's one of her biggest fears. She doesn't want her children suffering through something that she's fought so hard against. "He's a good man, I'm not trying to insult him but I won't do that. And if something happens to me -"

"I won't drown either."

"Okay, now are we done with this heavy stuff?" He takes his eyes off the road for a split second, meets hers in the dark before returning his attention to driving. "Because I'd rather talk about the fact that we just spent our first week as a married couple on vacation with our son."

"It was pretty fantastic. I almost don't want to go back. It feels like it's all just an illusion and the second we're back in the city the bubble bursts."

"But you miss the boys and putting killers behind bars." And she misses the loft and their bedroom. As much as she loves the Hamptons house, it's just not _home_.

"Yeah, wanna join me on the first day back? We can see if Martha wants to watch Cub."

"Wouldn't miss it." Even after being with him for a week, she wants him back at the precinct. Back by her side - sitting in his chair and joking around with the guys. He's still her partner - the only one she'll ever tolerate.

**a/n: Wes built his first sandcastle guys, it's okay, I'm not crying.  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Nope. Nope. Nope.  
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**A/N: Cue confused and cranky Beckett. (except she's a Castle now so...)  
**

Family day. It seems weird to call it that but that's what it is. Sundays in the park, just the three of them. Although occasionally it's four of them. Alexis joins when she doesn't already have plans of some sort. Kate's pretty sure it's the boyfriend that takes up most of her time and she can see that it ruffles Castle's feathers. He knows it too. She wants to tease, ask him how he's gonna handle it if they have a girl but she doesn't because he doesn't know.

He doesn't know that she's being so quiet because there's a possibility she's already carrying their second child. He doesn't know and it bugs her. He's so clueless and she needs him to just get it. To understand that she's confused and not at all prepared for this. That she's trying to figure things out in her head. Dates and how long it takes for the birth control to leave her system.

Her track record with contraceptive isn't the best when it comes to their relationship. She's never had an 'oops' moment until Castle. She has the baby in her arms to prove it and she knows that if she is pregnant then it probably failed again. And really what are the odds of that? Okay, so intellectually she knows the odds are actually higher than most assume but she doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to feel something bordering on excitement only to be disappointed so she's talking herself down. Telling herself it's just her body adjusting to no longer being on birth control. It's only been two and a half weeks since she skipped her appointment. Not even a month.

And now she's worrying over things that might be nothing but that's the problem. She doesn't _want_ it to be nothing. She doesn't _want_ to be this woman. The one who gets her hopes up over signs that aren't even really there, like the ache in her breasts or the way her bra seems a bit tight. In reality, the bra being tight could explain the tenderness or maybe it's her body adjusting and that's just the beginning of the list her mind has created.

She doesn't want to do this. She's never been good with disappointment. It burns in her chest, a fire that incinerates her emotions and obliterates her heart. She can't do this. She can't sit here in the park, in casual clothes, barely any makeup, hair tossed into a ponytail with her son on her legs and her partner at her back and run down every logical reason for why she's feeling this way. She needs to let it go.

She sighs as her brain races, looks down at the smiling baby in her lap and tries to just stay in the moment. To enjoy their time together as Castle's warm solid hands push gently against her back, making them swing.

Wes is loving it. The wind in his face as they move forward, the giggles that erupt when their swing travels back towards the man pushing them. His hands barely touch her and they're swinging forward again, moving faster, going higher. She grips her son, holds him tightly as she tosses a look over her shoulder. A scowl on her face and a bite in her words.

"Not so high." She feels a little bad for him. He's been dealing with her all morning and he hasn't said a word about her mood but the question is there. It's in the way he steps closer, stops the swing from retreating once again with his hands on the chains and then gently presses into her, crowding at her back.

"Kate, there's a six month old swinging higher than the two of you."

"I don't care."

"I do. I've done this millions of times with Alexis - at all different ages - and you're holding him. He's not going to fall and you're being difficult for no reason." And it's the harshness in his tone that snaps her last shred of control. The tiny straw she's been grasping at since she woke up with her head pounding and her body cramping.

"He's too little okay? Not so high."

"Maybe we should just go sit somewhere and watch all the other families have a good time." He's getting fed up with her, she can tell. He's not hiding it anymore and she's actually glad. She wants this, she wants to vent. She wants him to push.

"Let's just go home. I'm done." She won't do this here, not in front of children and not when Wes is staring up at her with curious wide eyes.

"I'm not ready to go yet and neither is our son."

"He can't talk, Castle, you don't _know_ if he's ready or not." And she's officially crossing into unnecessary jabs aimed to hurt. She closes her eyes, pushes herself up from the swing, moving Cub to her hip. She really doesn't want to be like this.

She doesn't want to be a colossal bitch to him, so she doesn't say anything when he rests his palm against the small of her back and ushers her over to an empty bench. She feels like people are staring and she just wants to slink away with what's left of her dignity but she gives in to him because she knows she's being unfair. Her body drops onto the bench, her arms lifting Wes to her shoulder as Castle sits alongside them with a heavy breath.

Little feet dig into her thigh, legs pushing up as the baby bounces against her. He's blissfully unaware of the war raging inside of her head and that's the way she wants it. She wants him happy and smiling, not fussy and frowning.

"M'sorry, today is just a bad day."

"You've been impossible for the last _two_ and I've been trying to let you sort it out but this is bordering on ridiculous. I let you snap at me this morning when I tried to take Wes, which by the way was for you because you looked exhausted and I didn't say anything last night when it seemed like you couldn't get far enough away from me -"

"What? That's not -"

"I thought you were going to roll off the bed, I almost slept on the couch." She catches his gaze, ignores the hand tugging on her ear and really looks at her writer. He's hurt. He isn't angry with her, he's just hurt and she needs to fix it. She needs to just put on her big girl panties and deal with this instead of hiding away in her own head. "Are we fighting and I just don't know about it?"

"No. I'm just...I'm angry at myself and clearly I've been taking it out on you."

"I'm going to need more than that, Kate." She owes it to him. Handing him his son, she takes a breath to calm herself. She watches him bounce their baby, eyes full of love as he kisses his head and then she leans forward, elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

Warm fingers slide up her spine, pushing her ponytail out of the way to cup the back of her neck and she let's it out. Sets the tangled words and emotions free for him to pick through.

"I might be pregnant. I think I am...sometimes." It's the pause in his touch, the way his thumb stops caressing her skin, that lets her know he heard her hushed words.

"I - we talked about this. I thought you wanted -"

"I did - I do and that's the problem. I keep thinking I'm imagining all of it or that I'm about to..." Her cheeks flush as she raises her head and looks around quickly to make sure no one is nosing in on their conversation. "I just stopped birth control a few weeks ago and this feels like maybe -"

"Like it's just a certain time of the month?" It's not really embarrassing for him to say it, but there are people around and that's why her skin feels hot and uncomfortable.

"We should go to the car, I don't want to have this conversation here." It's really code for '_I don't want to suffer an emotional breakdown in front of children_' and she wonders if he understands how close she is to that point.

Apparently he does, because he gives a nod and joins her in standing, lets her take the lead as he carries a dinosaur covered Wes. She walks closer to him than she did before. Her hip bumping his and fingers tangling around his hand. She's still frustrated and he still doesn't get it but she'll settle for squeezing his fingers too tight instead of verbally railroading him. Her chest feels heavy, even as her son slaps his palm against his father's face and presses an open mouth to his cheek in a patented Cub kiss.

She doesn't wait till they make it to the car. It's in sight and they're close enough. She bites her lip, tries to come up with reasons why she's so out of sorts. There's only one and as the breeze whips around them, children's laughter echoing, she whispers it into the air.

"I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to think about this being real because if it isn't..." She doesn't need to finish her thought.

"We'll get a test - we need groceries anyway and if you aren't, then we'll go from there but we need to find out because it's clearly bothering you. You're losing sleep and no offense but you're extremely irritable."

"Or Wes and I can go home and you can go grocery shopping." She doesn't want to go - he's right, she's cranky - and usually he lets her weasel her way out of it but he's shaking his head, gripping her hand as she tries to pull it away. He's actually going to fight her today.

"The last two times I've gone by myself and then you complain because I don't get the _right bread_."

"Fine."

* * *

It's just as nerve wracking as the first time she was in this position but for different reasons. With Wes, she was scared and unsure of how Castle would react but now they're in a good place, they both want this. And that's another thing that attributes to her mood, she doesn't want to see the disappointment on _his_ face. The look he'll get in his eyes that can shatter her into a million pieces. So she's been pushing against him, fighting her thoughts, trying to hide from the fact that she needs to figure out what's going on with her body.

He's the reason she's staring at a vast array of brands that all promise the same things. She doesn't remember if there were this many last time - but she remembers the awkwardness as someone stepped up behind her and grabbed a box of condoms. It makes sense that the pregnancy tests reside here but it's still strange. At least she's alone in the aisle this time, nobody around to know her business and she lets out a deep breath and reaches up.

She grabs a box of two, same ones that confirmed Cub and heads back to her family. She's been gone for a good twenty minutes and it has everything to do with the fact that she walked as slowly as possible and piddled around just so she wouldn't have to deal with much grocery shopping. It's the people she doesn't like. The rudeness.

It's also just tedious and boring and she always ends up forgetting something important. So yes, she takes her time walking back and hopes that he's almost done. She doesn't even feel bad about it because her mind is still on the product she has in her hands. The pregnancy tests weighing heavily in her palm and she's stalling. Maybe it's not only the shopping but the thought of actually finding out.

She needs to stop. It takes her a few minutes to push her thoughts away, to focus on finding her boys. She scans a few aisles, doesn't see them and keeps going. She hears a unhappy fuss that sounds like it's just one aisle over and she knows who it belongs to. She'd know that sound anywhere. Just as she rounds the corner, smile in place and ready to greet her son with a kiss to his cheek, she sees something that stops her in her tracks. Her family isn't alone. There's someone with them.

"I just _love_ your books and he is so adorable." Kate almost gags. She can handle fans but this woman is a bit too close for comfort. Her hand on Castle's arm and her eyes are _not _on the baby. "I bet you're such a great dad."

She rolls her eyes, watches as Castle smiles politely. Sometimes she wishes he would just turn the other cheek, ignore women like the one currently upsetting their son with her...her...okay, so there's nothing wrong with her. Other than the fact that she's hitting on a married man who is pushing a baby around in a cart. But he's too nice to them and clearly this woman takes it as a sign of interest. She's probably only read like two chapters of one of his books and it just chafes.

"Do you always grocery shop alone?" And that's the moment that Kate's had enough. She makes a show of stepping up to the cart, tossing the pregnancy tests in as if they're no big deal.

He's going to give her hell for this but she's so damn tired and she needs this woman to understand that he's not on the market. Never will be ever again. So she'll deal with him teasing later but for now, she wraps an arm around his waist, digs her fingers into his side.

"Hey Babe, got everything I needed." She's never called him that, never will, but it seems right for what she's trying to accomplish. It leaves a bad taste in her mouth, sounds all wrong. There's a reason he's just Castle to her, a reason she only uses 'Rick' on very rare occasion. Castle is the equivalent of every pet name, every affectionate term out there and then it's also synonymous for other not so nice names. Like jackass. And idiot. _Castle_ stands for everything.

So this shocks him, stuns him into just staring down at her as she squeezes into him and puts herself between him and the woman after his attention. She's not jealous. She's not. She just doesn't want someone doing this in front of her son. She's protecting what's hers - Wes. The twinge she feels has nothing to do with jealousy.

"Uh..okay. Wes and I took care of the groceries."

"Great, let's get out of here." She doesn't even make nice. She won't. Because there's a ring on his finger and that should be enough but clearly it isn't. And she's not jealous but he's hers. He's her writer, her partner, and it's really irritating that someone is trying to sabotage that. So no, she isn't nice when she rocks up on her toes, presses her lips against his. Harsh and quick.

She might be ashamed later but right now she feels pretty triumphant as the woman walks away, shoulders slumped. She bites the inside of her cheek, steps away from him and turns to her son. He's staring blankly until she smiles at him and rewards her with one of his own. His teeth showing, two on bottom and only one so far on the top.

"What was that?" She pushes forward, wanting to leave before he calls her out but he has other plans it seems.

"What?"

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you."

"Nothing. I'm ready to go, that's all." Lies. It's all lies and she knows that he's well aware of exactly why she just put on a show in the middle of shopping. "And she wanted to take you home with her."

"You know, I seem to recall a few months ago - even last week actually when some random guy came up and hit on you and both times, you told me being jealous is absurd."

"I'm not jealous. I'm just pissed off." She winces the second it's out of her mouth. She didn't mean to say that in front of her child even if it seems to amuse him into a giggle.

"I think you _are_ jealous and I think it's hot."

"Shut up."

"There's no doubt in my mind now. You're being possessive, irritable, just all around ill-tempered. A lesser man probably wouldn't be able to handle it." It takes a second for her to understand and then she's raising an eyebrow, fighting hard to keep her lips from tilting because she is not about to show him that she finds this humorous.

* * *

She couldn't wait. She just needed to know, so she excused herself from helping him make dinner and now she's just sitting on the edge of his tub, twisting her hands together and staring at the tiny piece of plastic resting on the sink. It's been more than three minutes but she can't bring herself to move. To look because then it's real.

And she's hoping. She doesn't want those hopes to get crushed. She wants a life nestled safely in her womb, growing into a baby that pushes at her insides and plays kickball with her ribs. She wants grainy black and white ultrasound pictures that show tiny toes and little hands and the perfection of an unborn human being. The hope. The love. She doesn't want to look but she needs to see.

It's so different this time. The wait. She had paced with Wes, back and forth with the test in her hand until she saw that one word pop up. Pregnant. Then she'd sat down, worked things out while panicking inside and trying to figure out if she was happy, if her boyfriend would be happy. He's not just Castle anymore, he's not just a boyfriend.

Her hands are shaking, her heart pounding and still her legs aren't moving. She's not standing up, she's not walking over and grabbing the test to read the results. She's just sitting here, with thoughts racing and images blurring. Oh. She's about to cry. She doesn't want to. There's no reason for it. She stares down at her fingers, watches the denim of her jeans become a blue blob as a tear slips out.

"Hey," She doesn't raise her head at the sound of his voice but there's something akin to a whimpered sob that leaves her lips and suddenly he's next to her, pulling her into his arms. "Oh, Kate, I'm sorry."

"No...I haven't looked, yet." And she needs to. She does but she needs this too. It's the closest they've been in two days and she needs it so she settles in against his chest, tucks her face into his neck and just breathes him in. It helps. It dissolves her fears, makes her hands stop shaking and she even forgets how snappy she's been with him. "I can't."

"Together?" She nods into him. She did this alone the first time but he's here and he's rubbing his hands up her spine, trying his best to offer comfort when he's probably just as nervous. "You know this is the first time I've done this, the whole being here as it happens - as you find out."

"What?"

"With Alexis, Meredith just blurted out she was pregnant and with Weston, you -"

"Did the exact same thing." She doesn't regret it but this is so much better. She takes a deep breath, kisses his neck softly before she pulls back. Swiping a hand over her eyes, she nods again. Stronger this time. "Together."

He's the one who gets up first, offers a hand that she takes and leads them over. She tries not to let herself get excited, tries to fight it down but it isn't working and she can practically feel it coming off of him in waves. An overflow of emotion, as if his body can't handle all of it at once and is spilling it over into her.

She meets his gaze with her own, returns the soft smile he gives and the squeeze of his hand and then they both look. Two sets of eyes seeking the same answer. She hears him suck in a breath just as hers leaves her lungs. Expelled by a rush of shock flooding into her system. Taking over everything as she reads it again.

Pregnant.

She's pregnant. It's a relief and it's a sharp pang of fear. Both normal, mixing together in a ball of surprise. It doesn't matter that she's been imagining it, doesn't matter that she let herself hope. It's still surprising and she's still staring - just making sure it's real - and then she's reaching for him, throwing herself into him and hoping he catches as she locks her legs around his waist.

It's the hot press of her mouth, open against his that springs him into action, gripping her thighs and backing her into the counter. She gets lost in the touch, the way he feels until he's panting into her.

"Wes?" It's a breathy sigh, not even his name but she hopes he knows what she's asking.

"Asleep in the playpen..." She doesn't even hear the rest of the sentence, steals the words from him as her body seeks his attention. She didn't know it would feel like this. That finding out with him holding onto her hand would send her into a frenzied need to be with him. To feel his skin against her own, his breath on her lips. To erase all doubts. To celebrate.

**a/n: So there's that. ;) Now excuse me while I go kick my own ass with this insanity workout.  
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	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I only own the babies.  
**

**A/N: More Cub but it's just a short little filler because there were pretty bad storms here again and I spent the entire night thinking a tornado was headed for my town. My hands are still shaking. Will reply to reviews once I've had some sleep.  
**

There's a steaming mug perched on the edge of her desk when she comes back from the morgue and she knows they mean well. It's a sweet thought but she hates the smell of coffee right now. Her baby - her little peanut - seems to think it's funny to punish her. Making it so she can't even enjoy the delicious aroma rising from the tiny little cup.

"Hey, Beckett, made you coffee. You're gonna need it, we just -" She tosses Espo a smile of thanks but still nudges the cup away with the tips of her fingers as she drops into her chair. "are you okay?"

"Just want to be able to sleep tonight." And keep her lunch on the inside of her body but she isn't about to tell the boys that. Not yet. Not when she doesn't really know how far along she is.

But they're both looking at her suspiciously, as if they don't really believe her. She knows they aren't going to push but it doesn't stop the brief flash of panic that races through her blood, churns her stomach. She drops her head, tries to avoid Ryan's wide piercing gaze and Espo's narrowing eyes. Only a few seconds to collect herself before she toughens up, just deals with it and pushes forward.

"So where are we?"

"Boyfriend has an air tight alibi, back to square one unless you got something good from Lanie." She wishes. She really does because she doesn't want to be here searching for answers late into the evening.

"Back at square one it is."

"You expecting visitors?" She lifts her head, tilts it to the side as Ryan points to something behind her. No she isn't. She doesn't look until Espo gives a wave and then she's spinning in her chair, just in time for her husband to appear at her side. A smiling baby reaching for her with outstretched arms and grasping fingers.

"What are you doing here?" It doesn't matter that she shouldn't, she takes her son, sits him up on the edge of her desk and nuzzles at his cheek. If anyone is staring, Kate doesn't even care. This might be just the hug she's been needing. The hands that pinch at her neck and the wet open mouthed kiss that he presses to her nose.

"Wes wants to show you something."

"Castle this is no place for him." Not when there's a few rather gruesome looking photos pinned to the murder board. Even if the boys are rising from their seats, moving to stand in front of it. She'll thank them later for being on top of things and knowing that even a baby, not yet eight months, doesn't need to see stuff like that.

"I know, I know but I want you to see this. Hey guys," Men. Their brief greetings that consist of nods. She always forgets how excitable and adorable Castle gets until moments like these so she'll play along, she'll smile and let her son push his hands into her cheeks.

"So what am I seeing, because right now, I see you about to burst with excitement and I see Wes, who is smiley and happy today." Not exactly a rare occurrence - their son is usually always in a great mood unless it's close to nap time.

"Just watch." She does, she keeps her eyes darting between Castle and Cub as he lifts his hands, claps them together. The loud pop gets the baby's attention, draws his eyes to his father's instead of focusing on her. Another clap and he's giggling, dropping his chubby fingers from her face. She doesn't know what she's supposed to be seeing.

And then Castle claps his hands together again and she watches as her son lifts his hands, mimics the motion. A soft sound of them slapping together, uncoordinated and sloppy, sends their child into a fit of laughter. He does it again, almost topples over from the way he throws himself back in excitement. She has him, she saves him with her grip on his waist.

"Oh, easy there Cub."

Something wells up in her chest, a sense of pride and amazement that has her choking. Blinking against an irrational wetness in her eyes and swallowing the knot in her throat. There's no reason to be so emotional over this but she is. Her baby just learned how to clap. Maybe it's silly but it's big for them. Big for such a little man.

She's not the only one who's amazed. It's Ryan that steps up, rubs Wes' head as the little one tries to clap again but misses and she's suddenly really glad that Castle came. That he's here and sharing this with everyone.

"He claps?" It's the only thing that comes out of her mouth when she opens it and it's a stupid question. Obviously she just witnessed it happening but she's still seeking reassurance. "Castle, he -"

"He just started and I wanted you to see." He never fails to render her speechless. She gives him a smile, doesn't even protest when Espo lifts her son out of her hold. She'll let them have some time to bond with Wes. He's already here so they might as well get to say 'hi'.

Her hand reaches out, grasps at her writer's wrist. Warm and solid.

"So..." And then her attention is drawn to the man cuddling her son. The way Wes is chewing on the badge that hangs around his neck. "When are you two gonna give us another little detective to play with?"

Her mouth opens, ears burning, and she glances nervously at Castle, meets his eyes and she _knows_. She knows they're caught. She reacted. And to detectives, that's just as good as a confession.

"I knew it!" She snaps her gaze back to the men in front of her, to Ryan holding his hand out as Espo cringes. "You owe me twenty, pay up."

"You two bet on - wait, this is why you made me coffee, isn't it?" And even though she's a little off kilter, her thoughts now a mess because they know - or they think they know - she still pushes up from her chair, feeling rather good about herself when they shrink back. They bet on her - on a baby that's growing inside of her.

She's not actually upset but she'll let them believe she is. Serves them right. She steps into their space, tugs the badge from Wes' mouth and pulls him back into her arms. He reaches for the shiny object once again, almost flinging himself back into Esposito. She catches him with a hand on his stomach as three men lurch forward, her heart suddenly thudding wildly in her chest. He would have hit the floor if she hadn't reacted quickly.

"Don't do that, Wes." Her hand strokes up his back as she looks at his face. Still all smiles and wide eyes. Her curious little daredevil and now she's in for round two with another child. She's not sure she'll survive the worrying. She's already having a hard time with it but for now, she lets it go, turns to Ryan for a bit of payback. "You know last time I was in this situation, Jenny ended up pregnant too."

She turns her back as the color drains from his face, feeling more than satisfied as she grabs Castle's hand and leads him towards the elevator. It's not that she wants to get rid of him or say goodbye to the baby nuzzling into her neck because she doesn't. But she needs to get back to work, and they need to get Cub out of sight before Gates notices that he's distracting them all.

"Thank you, for bringing him. I'll be home in a few hours." She sends them both off with a kiss, not caring who sees. This is her family and she isn't hiding or ashamed but she keeps it quick. A soft one on her son's cheek, something a little more heartfelt for his father but still just as brief.

* * *

It's more than just_ 'a few hours'_ later when she makes it home but she's quick to apologize when he points out that she's missed dinner. He doesn't say anything more about it as she changes into shorts and a comfortable shirt, eats the plate of food he left in the microwave for her. He's a good man. And she really does feel bad about getting caught up. She lost track of time. Even though she promised herself that she wouldn't. She's been doing well, managing to leave at a decent hour so she can have time with her family but this case just - it's dragging. It's consuming.

It makes her come home later than she promised and it's when she's lying in bed, with her knees up and her son lounging back against them that she wonders if maybe Martha's right and she's just too hard on herself. Because right now, clapping her hands and watching her sleepy little boy do the same is more than enough to prove that he's not suffering in any way.

She still feels a pang of disappointment in herself when Castle joins them, props himself up against the headboard. But Wes is mumbling at her, smacking his lips as he exaggerates something sounding like 'ma'.

"Momma - are you trying to say momma?" This question has been an every night occurrence for about a week. Since he first started making an 'm' sound and she's not ashamed a bit. Even if he's not quite eight months, she's sure he's going to talk soon. He'll say his first word before they know it. Her bright and beautiful boy.

"I think he'll say 'dada' first." It's the silly argument they've been having and she really wants him to eat his words.

"What was Alexis' first word?"

"I tried so hard to get her to say 'dada' but it came out 'dance'." She doesn't look at him, she's too busy watching Wes stick his tongue out at her but she knows that he's staring. She can feel it.

"So what brought on teaching him to clap?"

"It was an accident. I was feeding him, he finished a jar of green beans so I clapped and he got so excited he tried to copy." Maybe it shouldn't be so thrilling but it is and she smacks her hands together just to see him do it again. His eyes are almost closed, he's about to fall asleep but he still grins at her, copies her movement until his little hands are meeting with a dull slap.

She leans forward, kisses his nose and nuzzles into him as he squeals. He'll be asleep in five minutes, she knows how this works. He's been fighting it but he'll succumb as long as she lets him lean back against her thighs. She lets him grab at her fingers, trap them tightly in his fist and then she's pulling her gaze away, letting it skirt over to the man lounging next to her.

He's still staring.

"Sorry about being so late."

"Don't be. It's who you are. You strive for justice and sometimes forget to look at the clock." It's true but it doesn't make it excusable. She doesn't want to end up fighting with him over it - like the last time she wandered in hours after she'd promised to be home. It was months ago but she remembers and she doesn't want to end up with hurt feelings or hurting his.

_This_ is enough. Lying with both of her men. One little and one big. Maybe even a third tucked away safely inside of her. She scoots closer to her partner, tries not to jostle Wes too much. Leaning into Castle's shoulder, she wonders how they'll fit two kids in their bed. Two tiny perfect combinations of them snuggled beneath the covers, whispering back and forth, hiding giggles with their hands. She can already picture it and that scares her. Something could always go wrong. Take it all away.

"I didn't want anyone to know yet." And now she's thinking of Ryan and Espo...of anyone who finds out. "About the baby."

"Kate,"

"I just - we don't know how far along I am and the first trimester is...unstable." She's not unhappy that the boys know, she just wishes it could have waited a few more weeks. Until they know for sure that there's a living, growing, baby. A heartbeat.

"We have a healthy and amazing little boy. A strong one. I think any child we've made will be just as strong, just as stubborn, and just as healthy." He's only saying it to make her feel better and it's working. He worries too. She knows that now but he tries to do this for her - to be the rock when she needs him to. But she sees the pinch in his brow, the line that forms so she gives him a smile and turns the conversation to something more pleasant.

Something she's been wanting to ask for days but has either been too tired or just forgotten whenever she made it home.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

"Boy."

"Really?" She doesn't agree. She feels like this one is a little girl. But as she looks down at Cub, his lips parted as he sleeps, she knows that she'll be happy even if it's another little boy. "I think it's a girl."

"Mother's intuition?"

"Something like that." In all honesty, she's just hoping. She wants a healthy baby but she does really want a girl - to have a mother/daughter bond. To braid hair and paint nails, to buy things with bows and pass on her love of heels.

"So what are we calling this one? Cub is already taken but there's always Porpoise if we're sticking with an animal theme." She snorts out a laugh, knowing he's just joking around by the little half smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Or Calf. Or Pup - Oh! Joey...like a kangaroo."

"Stop it."

"Is that a no? I thought Joey was kinda cute."

"It is but uh, I've been thinking of it as Peanut. I don't know if that's because I like it or because I really want some peanuts." He pulls her closer with an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her temple as she smiles at her own silliness.

"Peanut huh?"

"Yeah."

"How about I put our Cub to bed and then when I come back, we - including the Peanut - can start the long process of sorting through names." Kate doesn't even hide her groan as he takes the sleeping baby from her lap and gives her mouth a quick kiss. She'll enjoy more of that when he gets back, the warmth and softness of his lips but for now she's left with the knowledge that she's once again saddled with naming a human being.

After the first round, she's developed a hatred of choosing a name. She loves giving her child something that's theirs, something they can own and mold but it's narrowing it down, arguing over it, reading terrible choices that make it a chore. Now she's really hoping for a girl because she already has a name in mind and it'll make everything so much easier. As long as her husband likes it too.

**a/n: Also, updating Make It A Strength tomorrow as well as Tenacity. Don't worry guys, I didn't forget about them.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Uh...nope. Bank account still at 0. Actually I don't even have a bank account. That's how poor I am, haha.  
**

**A/N: So um...I'll just leave this here and go hide...over there. Yup. I need to...go...over there.  
**

**Also this is the chapter that I intended to be a surprise for someone but then I told her about it early so we could die emotionally together millions of times a day. Yep. But still, for all intents and purposes this chapter belongs to Ris.**

She's just as nervous as the very first time they were here and apparently so is Castle. He's bouncing his leg and she knows he only does that when he's _pretending _he's fine. And she's just as annoyed by it this time around as she was the first. He needs to stop. The sound of his pants rustling against the fabric of the chair is driving her crazy and she can't take it anymore. Not when she's stripped down and in a flimsy gown that does next to nothing to ward off the chill of the room. Not when they've been arguing all morning over pointless things.

Not when she's the one who has to answer the awkward questions as soon as her doctor enters the room with a pleasant smile on her face. But as much as it bugs her, she doesn't say anything to him this time because she's not talking to him. He's done nothing but argue with her since she woke up and she's just done. She doesn't even want to say anything at all to him. He seems fine with the arrangement. Happy even so she sits quietly, listens to his incessant bouncing leg.

The peppy entrance Dr. Thomas makes is one that distracts her, makes her twist her hands in her lap and no longer worry over her husband's twitching habits.

"Well well well, back so soon?" She doesn't really like the joke but she smiles anyway, nods as the woman steps into her personal space. She's pregnant, there's no such thing as personal space anymore. "Almost didn't recognize the name. You're a Castle now?"

"Looks that way."

"At least this time, you know the drill." Not that she wants to but she keeps that quiet. Her brain is in a snarky mood but she'll keep her thoughts to herself for now. She's still mad at the man in the room. "Won't be as awkward."

"Oh, I don't know it's still pretty awkward." Because it is. And she still plans on letting her mind drift for those uncomfortable moments. "Are there any risks that I need to be aware of? I know it hasn't even been a year and I -"

"We're going to think on the positive side of things. You're healthy and that's a big plus in a circumstance such as this. Women have babies back to back all the time but there's always more of a risk when your body hasn't fully healed." She wants to ask for details. She wants to know what can happen but Castle is stepping up next to her, no longer sitting in the corner and reaching for her hand.

She lets him thread their fingers together. Feels a little better after he does but her stomach is still twisting. Has been since she spent half the morning bent over the toilet and purging her body of everything she's ingested in the last week. Okay, so she knows that's not true - or possible - but it's what it felt like at the time.

He's the one who answers the questions this time. Fills in the blanks as she lets her mind drift away. Risks. There are risks and that doesn't help her nerves. It's making them worse. She knows that every pregnancy has risks but now she's afraid that she's upped the chances of something going wrong and that really doesn't sit well at all.

She zones out completely, doesn't even know what's happening until Castle pushes gently at her shoulder, urging her to lie down. Oh. Oh. They're really doing this then. There's definitely another baby and she's dropping back to the exam table, spreading her thighs and clenching her hands. One still connected to his. This is one of those uncomfortable moments that she wants to forget but she now she's here. She's stuck in this moment and she can't go anywhere until she sees their little blob of a Peanut on the monitor.

The tiny little baby that's had her miserably ill for the last week. She's ready to see it, her eyes are already gluing themselves to the screen and her heart is about to beat its way out of her chest. She doesn't understand how her doctor is so smiley when she's about to throw up...again. And her bladder is full which makes all of this feel even more uncomfortable. But she doesn't complain - at least not out loud - because she's too busy watching, seeing grainy black and gray appear before her eyes.

But it's not the same as before...something is different and she thinks she knows but she doesn't want to assume. It makes her blood rush, her heart racing even faster and her vision swims. She's opening her mouth, about to ask what is going on when her doctor clicks her tongue and frowns. Kate feels her stomach drop.

"This complicates things a bit." She pushes up on her elbows, not even caring about the discomfort.

"What does? What's -"

"This is your baby." She points out the gray blob on the screen, then moves her hand down a few centimeters. "And this is your other baby."

Kate doesn't hear anything after that, nothing more than the pound of her own heart, the gasp that sounds as she lets her mouth fall open and her brows raise. No. She heard wrong. No. There's no way that's...but she's looking at it and there's definitely two...she just doesn't know how or when. Is she dreaming? She might just be dreaming.

"What?"

"You're having twins and you're about ten weeks." And with just a single word, she's reeling. Twins? No. There has to be some other explanation because she's not carrying two babies. She's not. She has Peanut. A single Peanut.

"Are- are you sure?" It's Castle's voice but it's shaky, higher than usual and it takes her minute to realize that it's him. Oh god. This means that she's not hearing things. Not _seeing _things. Oh god. No. Nope. This is a dream. Or a trick. Something. "I - I just...twins?"

It's the same question she wanted to ask but even she can see it now. Two bodies, two heads, eight sets of limbs. And if she's seeing it then so is he and he's just as stunned. She fights to find words, for something other than a wimpy sounding squeak to leave her lungs.

"Quite certain." And finally, Kate forces out a question.

"Are, uh, are they okay?" She needs them to be. Them. More than one. Two. There's two and it just...she doesn't know how to feel about it. She's happy. She is because that's kind of a big deal. Two little babies but now she's even more terrified and she _needs _everything to be okay because there's no way her heart can handle any more surprises right now.

"At the moment, they look really healthy but," Her chest seizes, lungs losing all oxygen and her fingers squeeze Castle's. He's squeezing just as hard. "there are a few more risks involved. From what I can tell, these babies are monochorionic diamniotic twins. That means they're identical and they're sharing the same placenta which can lead to some complications."

"Like what?" She doesn't know who asks. Doesn't even recognize the voice as she drops back to the exam table and stares up at the ceiling.

"There's a higher risk of Twin-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, we'll have you coming in for regular scans. We'll monitor pretty closely, make sure you're doing alright but right now, these two are looking really good and I think a pretty big congratulations is in order."

"What is that - the twin thing - what...what does that mean?" This time, she knows she isn't the one who asks because she's too caught up in watching the screen, seeing not one but two and for some reason, all she's thinking in that very second is that they're going to need another nickname. It seems so unimportant but her mind is still racing. She's trying to soak in the information the doctor is spouting but she's having a hard time swallowing the lump that's twisted in her throat.

* * *

Her brain doesn't shut up when they get in the car. It's still going. Still sprouting so many scenarios that she's choking back tears for more than half the trip but her doctor seems hopeful. Happy even and that's what she's holding onto. She needs to let go of the fears, enjoy this. It's supposed to be a joyful moment. And it is. It was.

After the initial shock, it was definitely a swell of love that flushed through her system, filled every crevice inside of her. So yes, she's...okay. She's still struggling to wrap her head around it honestly and she hasn't said a word since they left. Neither has Castle. He's just as silent as she is. He's probably suffering through the same thoughts. Trying to digest the things they've learned, the fact that she's holding about six different pamphlets in her hand that go into more detail about the risks and what she needs to prepare herself for.

She's still gripping his fingers. Probably too tightly but he isn't exactly being gentle. It's almost appropriate that they're still abiding by their mutual silent treatment. She's not aggravated anymore though...and she hopes he isn't either. It was stupid anyway. She never should have snapped at him and they both should have put a stop to it before it got out of hand.

It shouldn't have lasted through dropping Wes off with her father and it certainly shouldn't still be weighing heavily between them. But it is. Everything is. She looks down at the ultrasound photo in her lap, traces the outline of both babies with her eyes. She's having twins. They made two babies ten weeks ago. That's the part that makes her break the silence with a huff - it's almost a laugh but not quite.

Honeymoon babies. Ten weeks ago was about the end of their week long Hamptons getaway. It shouldn't be as amusing as it really is. And even as they exit the car and he lets go of her hand, she's still fighting back a grin. Of course she got pregnant on their honeymoon. It had to be that first night, once Wes was around they didn't really do a whole lot of newlywed activities. They didn't do any now that she thinks about it. They had both been so busy trying to make everything special for their son that they'd almost neglected each other.

A warm palm settles low on her back when they're in the elevator and she knows their tiny spat is over. Good. Because as much as she wants to be alone, as much as she wants to just curl up in bed and think, she doesn't want to be fighting with him during any of it. So she lets him have this moment, lets him press closer to her as they wait and even when he breaks their tacit bubble with his raspy wonder, she says nothing.

"Twins...we're having twins." It's hitting him. The realization that it's actually happening and she knows exactly what he's feeling. The sense of wonder and terror weaving through his veins. Needling it's way into every cell, every inch of his body - from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes. She knows because she's feeling it too.

He says the word twice more before they ever get inside the loft. Once before the doors of the elevator open and once more as he shoves the key into the lock, twists his wrist. As soon as it's unlocked, Kate pushes through and heads straight for the bedroom, stopping only briefly to drop whats in her hands on the kitchen counter. She needs time to process before her dad brings Cub home. She needs to figure things out.

Her shoes come off before she ever makes it to the mattress in the middle of the room, flying in the direction of the chair but she's not sure they made it safely under it. She'll pick them up later. She gets onto Castle all the time for leaving shoes out in the middle of the floor and here she is, doing the same thing. She doesn't even care right now. She's tired, she's overwhelmed, she feels like she's going to vomit and she might even cry.

She crawls up on the bed, rests her back against the pillow propped against the headboard and stares down at her stomach. This morning there was only one child. Peanut. And now she's fully aware of the fact that there are two. Her fingers are trembling when she touches the area just below her navel but she needs this. She needs the time alone to deal with the fact that she's carrying two babies. That she's responsible for their health.

"Kate," No. He isn't supposed to follow but he did. "You haven't said a word since we found out."

"I - I just don't know what to say." It's as close to the truth as she can get. She doesn't know what to say or what to even feel right now. She's not unhappy. She's not upset. She's actually pretty excited - which she doesn't understand - but the thought of risks, well that ruins her mood. It mangles it into something warped and cruel. Her own head plays tricks on her.

She isn't looking at him but she feels the bed dip, knows he's going to come closer. She still jumps when his palm covers the back of her hand, holding it in place against her abdomen.

"I know you want to be alone right now, to sort things out in your mind but I don't." It draws her gaze up to his and it's the first time she's really looked at him in hours. He's...happy. The light dancing in his blue eyes makes that pretty obvious and it knocks into her like a wrecking ball. "We're having twins, I think that's pretty damn exciting."

"It's not that I'm upset, Castle. I'm not. I just - it seems like there's a lot of risks."

"Let's just not worry about things that haven't happened. Besides, she said like a ten to fifteen percent chance...that seems pretty small to me."

"Okay, then help me take my mind off of it." She leans into him, curls herself into his chest as his thumb stokes below the waistband of her pants. And she knows he's just as worried but he's better at this than she is - at focusing on the good. "We know one is Peanut but the other doesn't have a name."

She needs this. As much as she did want to be alone, this feels just as acceptable and maybe it's better that he's pulling her away from her thoughts. They both know how dark those can get. So yeah, maybe this is better. Being here, with his palm over their babies and finally accepting that there are two. It still blows her mind to even think it. She won't be surprised if she wakes up any second to find out all of this is just some freakishly realistic dream.

"We're really having two babies..." Clearly, he's on the same path she is.

"Technically, we'll have three. Cub is still a baby." And as soon as she says it, she feels it finally hit full force. She can't fill her lungs, her heart stutters, and her entire body grows hot as he slides his hand to her hip, pulls her closer. She goes, couldn't stop him right now so she doesn't try. How is she supposed to handle three babies?

"We have Cub, we have Peanut and since these two are twins we could stick with the nut theme."

"What?"

"You know, like Peanut and Almond...or Peanut and Cashew or -"

"Cashew?" It slips off her tongue, full of amusement but it actually sounds pretty good as soon as it's out of her mouth. "Cashew. Peanut and Cashew...Peanut and Cash. I like Peanut and Cash."

"Does this mean we have a Peanut and a little Cash?" She hums in approval, nuzzles closer to him and places her lips against his jaw. An apology for this morning. A promise of more to come.

"It means Lanie is going to kill me."

"I was thinking it was more the embarrassment when Ryan and Esposito find out they're honeymoon babies that would kill you." She groans, buries her face in his neck as her legs tangle into his. She doesn't even want to think about that. She just wants to lie here for awhile. Not think. Just enjoy this for what it is - an impromptu cuddle session.

"I miss Wes."

"He'll be home soon and we can just laze around in bed all day if you want." She does want. She wants Cub hugs and kisses, the way he rolls around between them, sits up, pulls at the pillows like he needs them for some diabolical plan. Her mischievous little man. But first, she wants this. A yawn pulls at her jaw until she can't hold it back. She's tired. Drained. Emotionally fragile.

"Nap with me?"

"Wouldn't be anywhere else right now." And those are the words that make her finally relax. The tension leaves her shoulders, she breathes him in and she lets it go. They're having twins, their son is having a day with his grandpa, and at the moment everything is okay. There isn't just one baby growing, but two. She'll have two tiny humans squishing her organs and kicking at her ribs. Four sets of little toes pushing into her, two bodies stretching and flipping as if she's their personal jungle gym.

And that really doesn't seem so bad.

**a/n: SURPRISE! OH and I didn't want to get too into medical detail with this so basically...you can just go look it up if you're really interested in MCDA twins - their risks - and TTTS. BUT NO WORRIES BECAUSE I LOVE PEANUT AND CASH SO MUCH. Nothing too bad is going to happen to them. I don't plan on EVER harming/miscarrying a Caskett baby. I just can't. So yeah, they're having twins.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I'm not responsible for any emotional/mental issues that Cub, Cash, and Peanut may cause you (SAV).  
**

**A/N: 1.) I want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. 2.) I know I'm behind on personally thanking you guys but I plan to catch up soon - think this weekend because I'm babysitting all day long now... 3.) Dear Anon, you don't have to read them so really you have no reason to complain.  
**

There's nothing special about the day. Nothing really but she's about to make it memorable for someone because it isn't exactly easy to hide anymore and once again, it seems that everyone else knows. Although only a select few know the details. Kate steps into the morgue, choosing to breathe through her mouth to curb the wave of nausea that now tends to take over at the smell of autopsy fluids.

Normally it wouldn't even bother her that there's a man with his chest carved open but today, it does. In fact, she has to take a few deep breaths and prepare herself. She isn't going anywhere near that table. She'll stand a few feet away unless there's something she absolutely needs to see. She used to think morning sickness with her son was bad - she takes it back. This is borderline misery.

Today isn't nearly as bad as it has been and she's hoping that's a good sign. A sign that maybe her stint in this part of pregnancy hell is over. Minus the nausea and the discomfort later on down the road, she actually enjoys being pregnant. This might be her favorite part though, telling people. Seeing their reactions.

"Hey, Lanie." She gives her friend a smile, barely containing her excitement. This is probably not the best place to do this but she's tired, she doesn't go out often anymore, and her pants are fitting a bit too tight due to the now visible bulge of her stomach. She's hiding it for now - badly - with her blazer. "What do you got?"

"Not so good news," She's paying attention, she is but she's also about to go in for the kill. To make it known that she's carrying another Castle - well two. She crosses her arms, flexes her spine to deepen the curve and waits. "It looks like your John Doe,"

Kate looks down just to make sure the bump is noticeable and that's when she hears the ME let out a small gasp. Her eyes fly up to meet the surprised ones staring back at her. It's a small bump, but it's there and she knew her friend wouldn't miss it.

"Kate Beckett, you got something you wanna tell me?"

"It's actually _Castle_ now. I did marry him, remember?"

"Okay Miss Picky. Kate Castle, you're pregnant, aren't you?" She gives a shrug of nonchalance and they both know it's a yes. As if there's any doubt. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did."

"Because you can't exactly hide it much longer." And suddenly the man lying on the exam table ends up being second on list of importance and she feels a bit terrible for it but she'll find who killed him. She'll bring him justice. "So Wes is getting a little brother or sister, huh?"

It still doesn't seem real that it's actually Cub getting two brothers or two sisters but with every person that knows, it becomes a little more believable. The haze around the concept of twins is lifting and she's about to help it along by adding a fifth to the list of people who know. Martha. Her Dad. Gates. Alexis. Now Lanie - well not quite yet.

"I think girls this time."

"You want a dau- wait, did you just..." She bites her lip and nods, lets it sink in. Yeah, she did. She definitely just used the plural form and it accomplished exactly what she hoped for. Shock and awe. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Am I the last person to know again?" It's the glare that makes her wince because Lanie's not exactly on the top of the list but she's nowhere near the bottom. Not everyone knows about the fact that it's multiples. The boys still aren't aware.

"Not exactly. Only a few people know that it's twins. Immediate family and Gates because I'm a bit more high risk this time." It's sugar coating it but she doesn't want to go into detail when so far everything has been fine. "But my pants aren't going to fit for much longer and I'm only twelve weeks."

"So you want girls - not one of each?"

"They're identical so we're getting two boys or two girls. And I already have a son - I mean, I'll be happy no matter what but I don't know, I want to braid hair and play in makeup. Just things that my mom did with me." She wants those mother/daughter moments. She wants so many things and of course if she ends up with three sons, she'll be more than okay with it. They'll be her four boys - father included.

Wes has already blown all of her expectations of motherhood out of the water. He amazes her every single day and yeah, she's worried about the health of her babies but she's also starting to feel that overwhelming excitement that comes from planning ahead. Thinking of how they'll interact together - how they'll manage as a family of six. It'll be her and Castle, Alexis, Wes, and two tiny babies. She's gone from being a one-woman show to a mom and a wife. It's still so crazy to even think about.

"Are you two going for a full house?" Not really. At least, not on purpose but she shakes her head, plays along for another brief second.

"And maybe a petting zoo while we're at it, Castle wants a dog but let's get back to the case - we can have a girls night sometime this weekend."

* * *

Her body is fighting against her when she stumbles into the loft, her foot hitting something plastic causing her to almost trip as the sound of an ambulance blares from the object. A toy. Just a toy - and it isn't one that she bought for Wes. Nope. This is one of Castle's many 'big-boy' gadgets but she'll bet that he had it out to amuse their Cub. She's shaking her head, toeing it out of the way as she drops her things in the lock box. He's such a man-child and judging from the sound of giggling drifting down the stairs, she'll bet her son is going to be the same way.

She's tired. Early body drop and a late night with a fussy teething baby do not make for a well rested Kate. It's starting to leak into her bones, make them too heavy. Her moves are sluggish as she kicks her heels under the coffee table, muscles protesting her movements - she wants a nap. But she won't take one because then she'll be up all night and just deal with the same exhaustion tomorrow.

She wants to climb the stairs, wants to head up to the bathroom where she _knows _her two men are but the couch wins her attention. It calls to her, taunts her aching muscles until she's collapsing into the cushions, propping her feet up on the table and closing her eyes. She just needs a few minutes to decompress. That's all. Just a few seconds and she'll join Castle and Cub.

But she doesn't have to wait because she can hear them, they're getting louder. A laugh followed by a clap - something their son does on a regular basis ever since he learned how. Any small thing and he's smiling and clapping in excitement, rocking his body back and forth as if he just can't contain himself. A grin tugs at the corners of her mouth, and she waits for it.

Waits to hear that high pitched squeal he lets out when he sees that she's home.

"Look Cub, Momma's here." She opens her eyes just in time to see him throw his arms out, not even caring that she's more than six foot away. The happy bubbly squeal comes next and he pushes against Castle's hip with his toes, trying to get to her.

"Hey baby," Her handsome perfect little baby, with his wet hair parted to the side. She laughed the first time Castle had combed it over - commenting that he looked like a miniature James Bond in his jammies. Now it's just something they do every single time he takes a bath but it's starting to cover his ears, curl at the tips and she knows that soon, he'll need his first haircut.

She takes him from his father, her fingers wrapping around his ribs and that's when she sees it. The lion cub covering his belly. The 'Future King' spelled out below the iconic Disney character. She doesn't remember buying anything Lion King related but her son is nuzzling against her chest in a green onesie that definitely has Simba prancing around on it.

"Did you two go shopping?"

"Alexis wanted to meet for lunch and it went from there. She bought it for him." It's adorable. And her little lion seems to be a sleepy one - his hands rubbing at his eyes, a yawn making his face scrunch, a little whimper coming out at the end when his father plops down next to them. "And he might've missed nap time, sorry, we lost track of time."

She could easily get upset, this means he'll nap late, stay up late, and be a bear but she doesn't. Because he's always a cuddle monster when he's tired, wiggling to get as close as possible and he doesn't get angry at her for playing with his toes. Which is all she wants to do right now since he's not in socks or a sleeper.

Those little pink toes that push into her hand when she runs her fingers over the bottom of his foot. It makes him squirm, makes him gasp and she adores every bit of it. He's ticklish everywhere. Something that makes giving him baths really interesting and fun. And even now, with him just resting against her, she can't resist the urge to brush her thumb along the back of his neck as her other taps along his foot, making him push his shoulders up to his ears and try to get away.

"He can have a late one, we'll just stay up and read tonight."

"You can sleep Kate, you're tired. I'm more than happy to keep him occupied." She knows that but she wants to do it. She's gone during the day and story time is a family thing. They do it together. She wants it to be special, she wants it to always be the two of them, with their kids and a book.

"I'll be fine. Just give me a few hours to unwind."

"Let me help," She expects a sly smile, a lewd comment, an eyebrow waggle, something. But no, he just rests his back against the arm of the couch, pushes his foot against her hip until she's leaning forward and then he slides it behind her. "Come here."

He's the worlds biggest romantic - she swears he is but she doesn't argue. She gives him a shake of her head, not saying 'no' but just showing him that he's going above and beyond right now. She twists, stretches her legs along the length of the couch and pushes herself to lean until his chest is a solid warmth against her back.

A tension she wasn't even aware of, melts from her shoulders, body sinking into his as his hands slide up her arms. She does enjoy this. She'll never admit to being a 'cuddler' but she's definitely never passed up an opportunity to snuggle against him - unless he did or said something stupid. Then she probably rolled away with a scoff. Or tossed a 'forget it' over her shoulder.

She pulls Wes into her, brackets him with her arms as he wiggles away from her hold. He wants to switch positions too and she decides that it's okay. He won't fall asleep being held like this anyway. He'll just get cranky and fight. He'll push and yell_. _He wants the freedom to move. Her independent son. So she gives it, with only the boundaries of her arms and hands. He sits up in her lap, leans against the couch and she offers him a smile. He returns it with a sleepy one.

"Lie down with me?" He won't. She doesn't even know why she's asking but it's rewarded with a cheeky grin and the feel of a chuckle against her temple. "C'mon Wes,"

"He's a busy boy."

"Yeah, he's real busy alright. Rubbing his eyes." Another yawn too and then he leans forward, his little fingers pushing into her hips. She doesn't mind. He nuzzles his face there, between his palms and she feels him sigh. "I know, you don't want to sleep but you need to. I promise you won't miss anything exciting Cub."

Nothing exciting at all. She doesn't plan on moving - she hopes her human cushion doesn't plan on it either. Her fingers drift through the silky damp hair covering Wes' head, a move she knows soothes him to sleep and watches as his lips part.

"Did you tell Lanie today?"

"Yeah, well, not really. I just sort of showed off the bump and went from there." Tiny knees push into her thighs as Cub wiggles to get comfortable, her shirt riding up beneath him as he rests his cheek on her stomach. "If he falls asleep like this, we have to take a picture."

"Consider it done." It will be. And she knows before his eyes ever flutter that he's going to end up crashed out against her, his face pressing into the slight swell of her abdomen. She's not sure there's anything more perfect than this.

Until Castle's hands slide their way over to join, warm against her skin as he pushes her shirt the rest of the way up to expose the entirety of her midsection. She almost complains. Until his thumb circles her navel and his palms settle on either side of their son's head.

"Fascinated, Castle?"

"Yes. You didn't show this early with Wes, I'm just enjoying it."

"Yeah, well there weren't two of him drifting around in there." She tilts her head back, catches the side of his jaw with her lips. "If I keep growing like this, I'll be the size of a whale. Espo asked if I swallowed a cantaloupe."

"That'll be one _sexy_ whale." She nips his skin, holds it between her teeth until he's smiling.

"You're awful." Another kiss, this time over the mark she's left and then she turns her attention back to her babies. All three of them. "This is pretty terrifying. I love them, I love Peanut and Cash and I need them to be okay."

"They are. They're fine and I love them too. So does Wes, look, he's out." He is. His lips smashed into her skin, his nose looking uncomfortably scrunched and his arms out around her hips. And even though she knows there's no possible way their baby is aware of the two little one's growing inside of her, it still looks like he's hugging them. And he's still asleep against them.

"Yeah, until they're old enough to steal his toys."

**a/n: Just some family time.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: See previous chapter. ;)  
**

**A/N: Because my Twitter explodes every time I update. :D AND because I tweeted a picture of this half written out in my notebook and I felt bad for keeping it to myself.  
**

**It's also a thank you to every person who reviews because I haven't had time to reply yet. Life got a bit crazy.  
**

It's the press of hot wet lips to the top of her spine - pushing into her vertebra at the base of her skull, her hair pushed up messily by gripping fingers - that has her huffing out a small chuckle. He's plastered to her back - his weight heavy and smashing her uncomfortably into the mattress at an awkward angle due to the expansion of her middle. She's half on her side, half pressed into the bed but she chooses not to complain. He'll move as soon as he catches his breath and for the moment she doesn't mind their skin being glued together with sweat - the sticky afternoon air making it uncomfortably warm in their room.

She smiles, presses it into the pillow as his nose rubs against the back of her ear. Maybe it isn't the heat of the day but the frantic, raw, quick slide of their bodies that has them a bit flushed and cover in a thin sheen of perspiration. Their flesh melded together to the point of not knowing where hers ends and his begins.

They collapsed in a heap of limbs moments ago, him still at her back, too spent to roll to the side. She knows the feeling. She's still humming, nerves singing, body trembling. At this exact point in time, as he kisses her ear, she hopes he never moves. If they could just live in this daze forever, she'd be okay with it. No more murders or secrets and lies. Just them. With nowhere to be and time to themselves as their little Cub sleeps upstairs. Seems pretty perfect to her.

But not quite yet. It'll be perfect when she's not squirming to get comfortable. To somehow keep him slathered against her and not squish the children making her stomach stick out. She pushes herself against his chest, his front pressing into her back as she forces him onto his side. She's too uncomfortable. She doesn't _want _to move - she enjoys the feel of his sheets against her chest, the heat of him crowding into her back - but she can't lay half twisted like that.

Not when she's still shaky, still give out from their activities. Her knees feeling like jello after that well timed twist of his hips that had her limbs giving out, making her melt into the mattress. She's sure it was more of an ungraceful face plant but he's not making fun of her yet, so there's that. She's still gooey, lethargic and just so against moving.

She won't be able to if he keeps it up. The kisses he's pressing into her, ghosting over her ear, down the back of her neck. She groans when he pulls back, a rush of air filling the space as his chest leaves her back. The sting in her skin from him separating too quickly has her cringing. Even their legs are practically melded together. It's gross. She feels too hot.

Now it she minds. Now she wants him to move. She needs him to because she's getting too warm. Too sticky. Too gross. She wants to cool down.

"We should get up." She inhales sharply as a soft burst of pain originates in her shoulder. The way his teeth sink into her. "Castle,"

It's a warning but he ignores it, strokes a finger down the back of her neck to the bare space between her shoulder blades.

"No."

"You've had your fun, I need to move." She could sit up, push him away from her by forcing herself to get out of the bed but she doesn't. She just pushes back into his hips, lets the pads of his fingers swirl over her back.

"You can only blame yourself for this, you started it with all that teasing." She turns her head to look over her shoulder, giving him a grin. She did start it. She definitely started it but she _needed _him. And he just looked so good flipping pancakes with their son on his hip. It's really not _all _her fault. Not when she feels like this because of him. She's needy, clingy, a bit horny all the time. Because of him.

She doesn't remember being quite this promiscuous when she was pregnant with Cub. Maybe she was though, she just doesn't really remember. There's something about it though, about the fact that his babies are causing her stomach to expand, that he's her husband and he's the father of her kids and it just does it for her. Doesn't hurt that he's so good with words and helps her solve things. He's so hot when he helps.

"Too hot, Castle."

"Your fault." She turns, trapping his hand between her back and the mattress to lightly tap the side of his face with her palm and smack a kiss to his lips. When he scoots back far enough, she rolls to face him, her rounded abdomen pressing into his. She wasn't showing this much the first time she hit almost fifteen weeks.

"Your kids. Your fault."

"You're blaming our children for you practically ripping my clothes off the second Cub went down for a nap?" She rolls her eyes, doesn't recall it happening quite like that. Although his shirt probably is missing a few buttons now. "I would just like to state for the record that I'm not complaining about the clothing part."

"Good to know. But I think you're forgetting about the fact that we ordered in, talked to your mother, watched half of a movie and _then _made it here."

"Don't mention my mother while we're naked. Brings back bad memories." A laugh spills from her lips and she's pressing her palms against his chest, anchoring herself. They need to get up but she's too busy remembering exactly what moment he's referring to. She still can't believe she hid in his closet. "Although this is definitely not the same."

His hand brushes against her ribs and she knows where it's going, he wants to touch and she lets him, gives him a few minutes by letting her back rest against the sheets. As soon as she straightens her legs, his fingers stroke over the swell. The twins. She's pretty sure he's more fascinated and awed by this than she is.

"I can't wait till I can feel them move, I may take that back when they start kickboxing with each other and my bladder becomes a casualty but I just -"

"I know. I bet they'll be energetic."

"One is going to be like her daddy - slightly annoying but adorable in her incessant need for attention." She tenses as soon as it's out of her mouth. He'll catch the slip, she knows and he does. He gives her a smile, sweeps his palm over the bump.

"Her?" There's a teasing lilt to his tone and she drags her eyes away from his, watches his hand instead as she lets embarrassment flood through her. She really didn't mean to let that slide out. "It's okay if you want them to be girls."

She knows it is. She just didn't really want to let him know she's actually hoping for them to be a certain gender.

"I really did-" A loud giggle interrupts, coming from the baby monitor on the nightstand and she squeezes his wrist. Telling him silently that they'll talk about it more later. "Sounds like someone is awake."

It's finally enough incentive for her to move, to somewhat regretfully shimmy out from under his hands and start pulling her clothes from the floor. He doesn't move, he stays where he is, just watching her as she dresses and she tosses a comment his way about it being creepy before she leaves him. Even when she's padding through the living room, she can still hear her baby. Out of all the moods he could be in, she's really glad he's babbling loudly to himself.

He's sitting up in his crib when she joins him in the nursery, his hands wrapped around the bars, face pressing against them. He starts babbling, yelling in his own language.

"Hey there big boy." He bounces, almost smacks his forehead against the wood and she's quickly reaching for him before he actually hurts himself. "Calm down, Cub."

He surges up into her, his nose pressing into her cheek as she rubs a hand over his back. It takes a minute before he stops wiggling and she realizes that she won't be able to do this much longer. Effortlessly lift him for snuggles.

"Can you say Momma?" She's still trying to get him to repeat it. Or at least somewhat mumble something that sounds similar. She just wants him to talk. That's all. He's nine months and she really just wants him to say something. "Hi? Can you say hi?"

He blinks at her, squints his eyes and shows off his teeth in a cheeky little grin.

"We'll work on it later, let's just get you changed and go see Daddy."

* * *

She's not even sure how it happened. One minute she's next to Wes in the floor, him playing happily with his hippo and a pair of soft dice that squeak and the next, she's watching him pull a book from the shelf. The walls lining the office suddenly sparking his interest enough that he's crawled away from her in the brief few seconds she let her attention drift from him to the redhead currently hugging her father.

She pushes up with a sigh, knowing soon she won't be able to do this without help. She has no idea how she's going to keep up with him much longer. He's tugging at the pages of one of her favorites when she reaches him. She tries to gently take it but he has a grip. A very tight grip when he really wants something. She wonders if this is her fault for always having story time with him. He grips harder, tries to pull it into his chest, a frown appearing and his lip already starting to quiver.

He's not a fan of the word 'no'. Even now when she says it softly, his breathing becomes labored - eyes already watering and when she pries the book from his fingers he lets out a wail. She quickly shoves it back in place, reaches for him but a pair of large hands swat her away. She almost snaps at him, tells him that she can do it but she doesn't. Alexis is here and she doesn't want to make a scene when she _knows _he's just looking out for her.

"Look who came to see you Cub," He's still crying, heartbroken shrieks that tug at something in her chest. She knows he's okay, that she didn't hurt him and he's just mad but it still sucks.

Her stomach knots when she straightens back up, proving she shouldn't have bent down in the first place but she covers her discomfort by rubbing Wes' back as he cries into Castle's shoulder. She kisses his head before she greets their company with a smile.

"Hey, Lex." The girl gives a weak smile and Kate frowns. A line appearing in her brow as she watches carefully - taking in everything from Alexis' movements to what she's wearing. Something isn't quite right.

She's not surprised when Alexis reaches for her brother, lifts him from their father. Those two are close. Despite the age difference, they share a bond that she doesn't - probably never will - understand.

"Hey little bookworm," He whimpers, buries his face against her collarbone and Kate just steps closer to her writer. "It's okay."

He doesn't quiet down immediately but he calms a bit as she walks him over to the couch, rocking gently as she sits. She's good with him and Kate makes a mental note to tease Castle later about the fact that his oldest will be a great mom. If that doesn't give him a few gray hairs, she doesn't know what will. And it's payback for all the teasing looks, lingering touches he's been giving for the last...well...forever. But mainly it's just for the way he's been today. All innuendo and good hair. Who has good hair when they've been around a baby all day?

She shakes the thought with a slight glare tossed his way and joins his kids on the couch, sinking into the cushion with a new appreciation after being in the floor for the last twenty minutes.

"He's not a fan of 'no' I take it?" Kate shakes her head, leans into Castle's shoulder when he sits down next to her.

"Neither were you at that age."

"Let's not take that trip down memory lane, Dad. Wes doesn't need to hear it." She presses a hand over his ear, as if he can actually understand everything that's being said. It quiets him, silences him completely. No more whimpering or being heartbroken because Momma took his book away. He's just looking up at his sister with a smile and Kate lets out a breath.

That's better.

"Next time he's upset, we'll just call Alexis." It's a whisper in her ear and it makes her bite her lip, give a barely there nod of agreement because it's actually not a half bad idea.

"I heard that. So, how are the twins?" She's a bit thrown by the question, because she always calls or texts after each appointment. Which means that Alexis already knows they're doing fine. Still growing at the same pace, measuring small but strong heartbeats. "They look like they're getting bigger."

"They're doing well and yeah, they're definitely getting bigger, at least I assume so because my shirts are a bit tight now."

The redhead gives a hum, making a face at the baby she's bouncing in her lap and avoiding eye contact all at the same time. Kate wonders if Castle can tell that his daughter is nervous about something. His hand strokes over the back of her neck and she knows with just the press of his thumb and the way he tenses against her that he does. Of course he does. It's his little girl.

"Are you here for dinner?" It's a casual question that slips from her mouth and she hopes it takes some of the awkwardness away. She doesn't like being like this around Alexis.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, dinner would be great."

"Pasta okay?" She gives a noncommittal shrug and fishes her phone out of her pocket. Taps at the screen a few times and Kate watches the color rise in Alexis' cheeks.

"Actually, I need to go...um, I'll call you guys later." In a flash, the baby is in her lap and his daughter is out the door, leaving her and her partner more than just a little confused.

They both continue to sit there for a few minutes, silently, watching Wes chew on his hand until finally, Castle bursts the bubble.

"Okay, that was officially the weirdest visit we've received from my daughter." She almost reminds him of the one he told her about, the one after the sci-fi convention and seeing his little girl wear something that Kate still thinks was fine for the event. But she doesn't. Because looking at him now, seeing the worry lines already breaking out, she knows his mind is racing and she doesn't need to add to it.

"Take Wes, I'll make us dinner and then we can talk. I'm sure it's nothing."

* * *

It's not nothing. Hours later when she's in the middle of brushing her teeth, she hears her phone. It's not nothing. It's something and as she rereads the text, toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, she realizes that it's something pretty big.

_'Lunch at Remy's next week? Just you?'_

She doesn't know how she's supposed to keep this from Castle. Or if she's even required to. But she answers with a simple 'yes' and presses send. If there's something going on and she's the one that Alexis wants to confide in then she's okay with that. She won't keep it a secret though and as soon as Castle joins her at the sink, reaching for his own toothbrush, she leans forward, spits, and meets his gaze.

"So, Alexis just text me."

"She okay?"

"I highly doubt I'd be the first person she'd contact if something was seriously wrong, Castle. I'm sure she's fine." He's going to worry himself sick over this but so will she and she doesn't want to be sneaking around. "She asked if I'd meet her for lunch soon."

"Alone?"

"Yeah. It's probably just a girl thing. Boy related, maybe."

"Yeah, probably." He doesn't seem convinced but then neither is she. It could really be a number of things but Alexis is smart. She's a good girl and Kate's pretty sure she hasn't wound up in any kind of dangerous situation. It's still a tension weighing over them as they finish their nightly routine. She doesn't want to go to bed with it stiff in the air so she cracks a smile at him, lets her playful side come out.

"Maybe she's pregnant." And watches as he turns as white as a sheet.

**a/n: Next is the 'girl' talk.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: This is me. Not owning it.  
**

**A/N: For everyone.  
**

Her stomach is no longer protesting loudly from being empty. Her body no longer craving some type of sustenance - well nothing more than the strawberry shake she's slurping down. She hadn't even realized until the first sip that she's been wanting one, actually _craving_ one, for days. Sweet, a little tang and just absolutely amazing. This was a great idea. For both her cravings and her peace of mind. Because in the week and a half it's taken to actually meet with Alexis for lunch, shes managed to worry herself as much as Castle.

So many what-ifs dancing around in her head and then she'd mistakenly joked about his daughter being pregnant which almost ended in her writer having a panic attack. She was only teasing. But if came back to bite her in the ass. Now it's in her head too. And she's been texting Alexis almost daily, knows that Castle has been as well. The girl is probably fed up with both of them. So yes, she jumped when Alexis asked to meet today.

It's been a comfortable silence while eating. A bit of small talk and now Kate is just waiting for the big reveal. The secret or whatever it is that's had both her and her partner discussing wild theories before bed and trying not to take any of them too seriously. And right now, her company looks as though she's about to spill and Kate is more than ready to hear it. To put any crazy ideas to rest. To calm her partner who is currently at home, probably pacing back and forth with Wes on his hip.

She takes another gulp of her shake, eyes the redhead and then gently nudges her foot with her own. Coaxes her into confessing with words.

"Did you need to talk about something?" She'll be blunt because small talk clearly hasn't worked. "Your dad is pretty worried, ya know, I am too."

"I didn't mean to scare anybody. It's not...it's...how did you know that you..." Those nervous eyes drop, words dying before they meet the air and Kate feels her heart start to race as her brain fills in the blanks.

She was joking. It was only a joke. There's no way his daughter is actually pregnant. She's thinking about this too much. Letting herself jump to conclusions and getting too worked up over something that hasn't been confirmed. There's no evidence, only speculation. So she waits some more, sips at her shake and lets Alexis gather her thoughts.

"I guess what I'm trying to ask is: how did you know you wanted to marry Dad? I mean...I know you guys had Wes but you wouldn't have married him if he wasn't the right one, right?" Despite the cautious, almost terrified look on Alexis' face, Kate breathes out a sigh of relief, stroking her thumb over the twins. Okay. This, she can handle. She can be honest and deal with questions like she's still not sure where this is going...unless...

"Alexis, are you engaged?" The sharp intake of air and the shake of her head tells the detective that it's a bit more complex.

"No, I don't think so...I don't really know."

"Okay, did your boyfriend propose?" A nod is her reply and she watches the young woman twiddle her thumbs, pick at some invisible hangnail.

"I didn't say yes. We're young and still in school, I just don't know if this is something I want to add onto that stress. Should I have said yes?"

"No, I think you're on the right track. There's a lot to think about and if you aren't comfortable with the idea of being with him forever then you shouldn't agree to marry him."

"But how am I supposed to know if we'll be together forever? How do you know that you and Dad will?" It's an innocent question but it stirs something dark in her chest.

It hasn't been easy for them - to make it to this point and she doesn't know how to explain everything to his daughter. She doesn't know how much he's shared with her. If she oversteps, says something she shouldn't, she doesn't know what will happen. She bites her lip, furrows her brow as she tries to come up with an answer. One that is not only true but keeps out the messy details.

It takes her a few minutes, blue eyes staring at her, confused and seeking answers. And now Kate really wishes Castle was sitting next to her. He's the one who is good with words. But after stealing another drink of her strawberry milkshake, she finds what she hopes is good enough.

"Your father and I will always be connected now that we have Wes and these two," she rubs a hand over her stomach as she mentions the sixteen week old babies nestled inside. "I guess it's always just hope and wanting it to work. Love. And you have to fight for it. It's not easy but if it's something you both want and you both love each other then it's worth every argument, every bump in the road. Even the ones that are the size of a crater."

"I want to say yes. Does that make me naive? That I want to do it even though I'm still figuring out school and where I want to go in life?"

"No. It makes you smart because you're thinking ahead. You know you want to finish getting an education and honestly, Lex, I really don't know if I'm the best at giving advice on this stuff but maybe you could talk to him, explain why you're hesitating." She knows she isn't the most reliable source when it comes to relationship advice but she's doing okay, she's trying and she's married. That's got to count for something.

"I already told him all of my reasons for not answering and he said he understands, that he'll wait."

"He seems like a good guy. I know you've only brought him over a few times but I like him." She does. Even if the dinners were brief and Wes had been cranky due to teething, Kate remembers liking the guy.

"He is. I - I do love him."

"Then I think you already know your answer." She offers a smile, lets out a small quiet laugh. "You should really call your dad though, he's convinced you're pregnant."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah, he's been losing sleep. And complaining that he's too young to be a grandpa."

"We both know that's a stretch." It's a dead-pun delivery and Kate doesn't stop herself from smiling around her straw as she finishes off her drink.

"Oh I dunno, I kinda like him. I don't think he's _that _old...yet." She won't bore little Castle with the details of why her relationship works, of why their marriage has been pretty great so far. It's give and it's take. He brings out the best in her - sometimes the worst - and that's okay because they deal with it. They push and pull at each other and sometimes it leaves them both raw and aching but it's for the best.

It took her a long time to realize that but now that she knows, she doesn't plan to ever give him up. Not without one hell of a fight.

* * *

She's greeted by baby gibberish when she enters the loft, loud and happy. Filled with excitement and the moment she raises her gaze from the floor, she knows why her boy is so enthusiastic. His hands on gripping the edge of the coffee table, his body rising into a standing position as he pushes himself up from the floor. His legs wobble a little but he's getting better at this. Since the moment he accomplished this, he does it with everything. The couch, the coffee table, anything he can reach and it scares her.

She doesn't want him to fall. But he's so determined, his face scrunching in concentration as he steps cautiously around the edge of the table, holding on as tightly as he can and Castle is right behind him, making sure he doesn't lose his balance. She knows soon, he'll let go and he'll be her walking baby. No. She doesn't even want to think about him growing up. He's still little. He's still her baby boy. Her little Cub.

Even with him getting taller, doing more things on his own, and the two in her stomach stretching out her abdomen, she refuses to acknowledge that he's going to be a year old soon, that everything is changing and that she'll be a mother of three. Not just Wes, but two others.

"Easy there, Cub." He smacks a hand down on the surface of the coffee table as soon as he realizes that she's home. Hears her voice. It always puts a smile on her face.

"Hey, how'd it go - is she okay? Does she need something? Is -"

"Calm down, Castle. She's fine. Boy troubles but we smoothed it out." She watches his shoulders release the tension they've been carrying for days. A brief flash of relief taking over his features. It's hard for him sometimes - she sees it - to share his first child. He's too used to being the one she always turned to and it does bother Kate occasionally because she doesn't want him to be upset that his daughter has been choosing to open up to her a lot in the last couple of years.

"So she's not -"

"No, but I was tempted to tell you she was, just to see your reaction. She's a smart girl Castle." He raises an eyebrow as she squats to kiss her son on the head and part of her already knows she left the door wide open.

"So are you and yet, we still have Wes."

"Don't forget these two." His eyes follow her hands, caress over her expanding middle in a lovers gaze.

"Da-" She's used to the mumbling from her baby, the broken syllables but she's not used to Castle suddenly grabbing him up in a rush and tickling him to make him giggle.

"Somebody is a giggle box today." She narrows her eyes when her baby tries once again to make a sound but this time, his father places his finger over his mouth, moves it around to make underwater noises - as he calls them. And she knows that something is up.

With Cub squealing out a string of laughs and Castle letting his eyes dart around as if she's suddenly interrogating him, she knows that_ something_ happened. And as soon as he puts their son down, stops messing with him for more than a second, she hears exactly what it is that he's trying so hard to cover up.

"Dada. Dada." She whips her head around to watch Cub clap his hands, grin and say it again. "Dada."

It's not random syllables. It isn't just him muttering it's plain and clear and something like a vice grips her heart. Squeezing until she's almost sure it'll stop beating. Her eyes water as a sense of pure excitement floods through her but it's quickly tainted by disappointment. Not in him. He's just a baby but in herself because she's actually feeling upset. She's actually hurt by such an innocent being.

He's just said his first word. And it isn't 'Momma' but she guesses that makes sense considering he spends so much time with his father. That's what hurts, the thought of him not being able to say momma because he's so used to Castle being the one who is always there. It churns her stomach, makes her reach for him, kiss his chubby cheeks, nuzzle her face into his hair, nose against his ear. Whispering her love for him, how proud she is as she barely keeps it together.

She isn't going to ruin this moment with her stupid out of control hormones. She's just going to hold him, catch Castle's apologetic eyes and show him that she's okay. The fact that he knew she'd be like this and tried to hide it from her, makes her chest ache even more. Something heavy settling in, digging its claws down, refusing to be pulled out. But she has time to be petty later. For now she leans back, smiles down at her son as he babbles, and tangles his fingers in her hair.

She lets him. He doesn't pull anymore, he sort of pets at it, as if he's amazed by it or thinks it's pretty. She gives him time to admire it as she straightens and heads for the couch. She wants to sit with him, play for awhile and try to rid herself of the gnarled ball of emotion that's made its home in her throat. Making it hard to breathe and even harder to stave off tears.

"He says 'dada'."

"I thought it was a fluke but he keeps saying it. I know you really wanted him to -"

"It's okay, Castle. I'm a big girl and he's his own person. I'm just happy that he said his first word." She is. It's the truth but there's still a tightening around her heart. A fist clenching sensation. "Just next time, with the twins, don't try to hide it. You're terrible at it."

"He loves you." He's going to make her cry. He's going to snap her last shred of control and she's going to end up being a mess of tears. She hates these hormones. She really really hates being like this. "Kate, you have to know that he adores you - just look at him."

Her vision is blurry, making it difficult to see much of anything but she can make out his smile and the hand reaching for her face. Patting her cheek. Yeah, she knows he loves her. She knows that he's always happy to see her when she comes home with the award winning grin and the kisses he gives.

"I know."

"Good. Because as soon as he learns 'momma', that's all I'll hear all day long."

She knows he's right she does but that doesn't stop her from letting her defenses drop a couple hours later. With Castle cooking dinner and Wes playing happily in a playpen, she's ducked out. She needs time to herself to deal with her irrational thoughts. She ends up in the bathroom, stripping out of her clothes and turning on the hot water.

A shower sounds too nice to pass up. With the twins growing, her back already aches and it always helps soothe it. Even though right now, her back feels fine and she's just making up an excuse to step into the heat of the spray. To justify her actions to herself. To let the water wash over her, whisk away the tears that finally break free. She doesn't know why she's crying and she hates that. But as she bites into the back of her hand to muffle a sob - tasting the water on her tongue - she knows it's ridiculous. She's hurt. Her feelings are hurt because of something so simple and innocent and she's a terrible person for this.

Who ends up crying alone in the shower because their son just said his first word? Oh that's right, she does. Her palm settles on her stomach, stroking over the swell as she watches tiny rivers spread out over her stretched skin. She cries harder, thinking of how perfect they'll be, of how she loves them so much and god, her baby boy just said his first word and he's going to be walking soon and she just doesn't know how to handle the emotions that come along with all of this.

There's a small - hardly noticeable - stretch mark on her side now - something she hasn't seen until this moment. Being completely exposed, vulnerable, actually staring down at her bare body and she almost smiles. Maybe she shouldn't. But she almost does. She got lucky with Wes, no marks but this time there are two little aliens - Castle's definition, not hers - taking over her body and she's shown the evidence every single day. The way her stomach grows, the overwhelming hormones, and now a tiny mark imprinted into her skin.

Her fingers trace over it, a bit self conscious, and she makes a note to use lotion when she gets out but for now, she'll welcome the distraction. She'll welcome any distraction. At least that's what she thinks until she hears the door open, knows that her alone time is being interrupted. She wipes at her face, realizes how dumb it is the second she remembers that she's standing under the spray of the shower. She hears the clink his jeans make when the zipper and button hit the floor and she hopes her eyes aren't too red.

He isn't saying anything as he undresses so she doesn't either, she just waits for the cool air to attack when he joins her. She doesn't turn around when it happens, doesn't face him until she feels his hand - slippery - against her elbow and then she's rounding to press her nose into his shoulder. To awkwardly push her stomach into his, their babies safe between them as she clings to his back, nails digging in.

"I heard you crying."

"M'sorry."

"Kate, it's okay. I know you're really excited that he's learning, that he said his first word but I know you were really hoping it would be 'Momma'. It's okay to be a little upset." She shakes her head against him, lifts her eyes to meet with his and watch as his hair sticks to his forehead. She pushes it back, lets him press his cheek into her palm.

"No. I'm just...pregnant."

"If it's taken you this long to notice, I fear for your mentality." She smiles at him, his face staying serious until he sees her suck her lower lip into her mouth and then he responds with his own tilt of his lips.

"Not what I meant."

"I know."

"Wes?"

"Mother is home, she wanted some time to dote on him." She feels better, a bit. Maybe all she needed was a good cry and a hug. "I thought we could do something fun while we shower."

"Castle, I'm not sure that's possible anymore." A quick glance between them and she's almost certain they'd have to get creative...but maybe...

"Not _that,_ I actually thought we could bounce some baby names around. I'll wash your back if you wash mine?"

"Okay, deal." Of course he's the first to reach and it isn't body wash he grabs but shampoo. She turns, lets him lather it into her hair with gentle easy strokes, thumbs that push against her temples, massage over her scalp. He's too damn good at this and the name slips out before she realizes. "Ella."

"Ella?"

"I - I just," It's been in her head for years, tucked away safely and she's never shared it before. Ever. "Don't make fun, okay?"

"I won't."

"It's because of the comics. You know how I loved Elektra and when I was little I just wanted to be her. She was amazing. I always thought if I ever had a daughter, I would name her Ella even though it has nothing to do with Elektra. I just...I don't know, it sounds similar I guess. I know it's dumb."

"No." She feels his mouth press to her neck, knows he's probably tasting soap. "No, Kate. I...that's adorable."

And then she's pushing her back into his chest, her elbow meeting his ribs in a playful jab. He just has to ruin their moment, turn it into something teasing and childish. But he didn't hate the name and that's enough to have her closing her eyes, turning to face him and let the shampoo rinse from her hair. He didn't hate it.

**a/n: Because I about died when Kate said she was an Elektra fan. (Elektra is my favorite)  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Nope. But I should warn you that you may die of cuteness.**

**A/N: I've been trying to upload this (as well as two others stories) for HOURS (think about 13). Fanfic is being AWFUL. Anyway, if you're reading this..then it finally let me post it. **

Every visit, she's nervous. Always afraid that something won't look right or sound right or measure right but Castle is always by her side, holding her hand and it makes it just a little more bearable. There's no way she'd be okay right now if he wasn't right here with her. Not when today is going to be such a big day. So far so good. The babies seem okay from the outside, her stomach measures a little small but her doctor doesn't seem too concerned over it and honestly, she's not sure how it's considered small when she already can't see her toes. But she's not the one with the degree so she'll just take her word for it.

The first thing she hears is the heartbeats, racing like horses as they flood the air and she grips his hand just a little tighter. Every time. She does this every time because it means they're alive. They're still thriving. And she's so used to the sound now that she knows they sound good. Another thing to check off her list of worries for this visit.

She's made it almost halfway. Over eighteen weeks and that's a pretty big deal to her – gives her the hope that everything will turn out just fine for them. For her, and her family. Such a big family compared to last year but she wouldn't trade it for anything.

She watches the monitor as the wand slides over her stomach, sees a tumbling baby that stretches, wiggles, doesn't stop moving and another that occasionally kicks out a leg, pushes against the other. The hyper one is Peanut – she's decided – and their little lazy bum is Cash. A late night discussion had determined this. Peanut as Baby A and Cashew as Baby B.

"They okay?" It's Castle that asks and she thanks him for it with a quick glance. He's on top of things when they're here, asks more questions than she does because she's usually just overwhelmed.

"Looking great." She breathes out a sigh, pure relief and excitement. "So far you have healthy daughters."

And then Kate is pushing herself up, elbows on the exam table as she processes what was just said. Something spirals in her chest, an ache that's so beautifully crafted she's sure she's going to cry. It twists, turns, weaves through her as she looks from the screen to her husband and back again. A love filled with a passion she's never been aware exists. Something different from what she feels for Wes but just as powerful. Just as awe inducing.

"Daughters?" It doesn't sound like her voice but she knows she's the one that let the inquiry out. She knows because one look at Castle and she's pretty sure he's frozen in shock.

"Yes, girls. You guys are expecting little girls. Hope that boy of yours is ready for dress-up and makeovers." She wants to reply, say something clever about her son but she doesn't because she's too busy biting her lip, giving in to the sting of tears.

She wants girls. She wants them and she's getting them. She's had herself convinced that it would be boys so she wouldn't be disappointed but she's getting daughters. Oh. Castle tugs her hand, steps closer and she lifts her head to meet his red rimmed blue eyes. He's ecstatic, she can see it busting out of him, in the smile he gives as he presses his forehead into hers, wipes at her cheek with his thumb.

And she's so caught up that she almost forgets there's gel on her stomach and a doctor in the room. She still kisses him. A soft press of her mouth to his, short and sweet. Thanking him. For everything. Their son. Their daughters. _Daughters._ She's a mother to three and that still just blows her mind. Makes her forget to breathe for a moment.

Longer than a moment because she's pretty sure she doesn't take in any oxygen until they're out in the parking lot, next to the car. That's when she takes in a gulp of air, it's audible, a sound as if she's gasping, unable to fill her lungs and Castle stops, tugs her back around to face him. She doesn't question it when he lets go of her fingers, reaches for her hips. She lets him pull her closer, leans into him and rests her palms against his chest.

They stay like that for several seconds, her hands slowly sliding up and down until she's no longer satisfied and just pushes them up to his neck, clinging just a little. He doesn't tease. Just nudges her nose with his own. She can feel his sigh against her lips, feel him form the words as he starts to speak.

"Looks like we have an Ella." She pulls back, opens her eyes – she's not even sure when she closed them – and opens her mouth but no sound comes out. Nothing more than something resembling a whimper of some sort. "I think it's a perfect name for one of our daughters, don't you?"

And he's so cocky about it, teasing with a smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow that she dives in. Her mouth against his before he can even close it properly, tongue sneaking it's way inside and a hand clenching in his hair. She needs him. He's talking about their girls, about Peanut and Cash and they're _female _and it's one of the sexiest things she's ever seen him do, the way the name 'Ella' just rolls off his tongue.

"I want you," It's out in the open, mumbled into the cavern of his mouth before she has time to think about it, to word it differently, to realize they're still in the parking lot and people are probably staring at them through windows. She's not sure she cares.

She doesn't. Not when she pulls away to see him, to quickly let her eyes drift to her stomach and then back up. Not when his eyes are smoldering, bursting into flames as he watches her tongue poke out to swipe over her lips. She doesn't care. She just needs him.

"Mother's watching Wes, we have to -"

"Let's go somewhere then, a...I don't care Castle just – I want to celebrate," With as little clothing as possible and no interruptions.

"Katherine Castle," She cants into him, loving the way he says it. Mock disbelief and pure lust. "Are you asking me to take you to a motel?"

She shakes her head no even though it's really a yes because yeah, that's exactly what she's doing. Just for an hour – two tops. There's no way she can comfortably maul him in the car or she wouldn't even be suggesting something as suspiciously lewd as a motel but she doesn't want to wait. She doesn't want to go home, deal with his mother and then wait for their son to go to sleep. She wants _him_.

He strokes a hand over her abdomen and then he's pushing her away, opening the passenger door and ushering her in. She already knows where they're heading.

* * *

It isn't until they're sitting at home, her back against the arm of the couch and Wes hanging on to her hand as he cautiously edges around the couch that she feels terrible for prolonging this. For putting her own selfish needs above being here with her son. Although he seems just as happy as always, a smile on his face as he lets go of her, standing on his own. He doesn't walk yet but he'll stand in the middle of the floor for a few minutes, then sit down as if he's just realized he's actually doing it all by himself and no is helping.

He makes her happy. So do the babies currently dancing around in her stomach. She can feel them move sometimes. The sensation of bubbles or butterflies, a weight that settles and just stays. Cash. She's pretty sure that one is Cash. The one that makes her uncomfortable because she just stays in the same place, causing an ache to form. And then there's Peanut, the one that bounces around, never stays in one place for too long. A hyper little baby already.

Like her big brother. Girls. She's having girls and it just puts a smile on her face as she presses her fingers against her left side, the little one just hanging out. She still hasn't felt a kick, knows that Castle puts his hand over her stomach every night hoping to feel the very first but so far, it's just tugging, pulling, pushing. Odd little sensations here and there.

"Are you in pain?" She looks up, sees the alarm on Castle's face as he hesitates at the end of the couch. His eyes glued to hand she's pressing into her side.

"No, just trying to see if Cash will move. She's just chillin' in there I guess."

"Peanut still dancing around?"

"She's calm for now." She moves her fingers, giving up on getting Cash to move and offers her hand out to Wes as he tries to stand again.

"Dada dada dada."

"Yes, Daddy is back." She's a bit sore over the fact that he still hasn't taken to 'momma' yet but she knows it'll come soon. The fact that her baby boy is clinging to her hand, holding onto her wrist with one hand and bouncing up and down makes it known that he's a Momma's boy. His knees bending then straightening with every wiggle of his butt.

It's almost as if he's dancing. And if she wasn't carrying twins right now, she might join his impromptu dance party but not when she's already exhausted and needing a nap. She tries to get his attention with his name but he isn't interested.

"Wes," He smiles at his father plops down on the end of the couch with an exaggerated sigh. "Weston,"

It gets him. He looks back over at her, smile falling as he grows serious. She always wonders what goes on in his brain. What makes him giggle, what makes him give her that look. The one she's getting now. With his lips pressed together and one of his eyebrows raised.

"He looks like you when he makes that face." She doesn't see it. Doesn't understand what he's talking about when their little boy is practically the spitting image of him. Minus the color of the eyes. "Oh man, how am I supposed to survive two girls with Momma's looks? I barely made it through Alexis. I'm done for if they have your smile."

"My smile?"

"Yeah, the one can save lives and cause catastrophes all at the same time." She can't help it, she laughs because he's a mess. Saying things like this and then he points at her, tilts his head. "That one. That smile. Our daughters have that and I'll never tell them 'no'."

And it hits her again. And again. Over and over. A wave of wonder as her attention goes from the boy dancing with her arm to the _girls _she's still carrying. The little ones that are still growing, still healthy. Girls. It's still fresh and just...an amazing feeling that bubbles within her, boils in her blood. Something sharp and real. She wanted a daughter. Now she'll have two along with her baby boy. Cub, Peanut and Cash. Their babies.

"I don't know, Castle. Let's just hope they don't act like I did when we hit the teenage years."

"Is it legal to lock them in their rooms?" She shakes her head, more than a little amused that they're having this conversation. And wanting her daughter to move a little because she's resting in an awkward spot.

She helps Wes when he pushes his knee into the couch, wanting up. She grips him, lifts a little until he can find purchase and climb into her. She rests her hand over his back as he kneels by her hip. His hands already on her stomach. He always seems in awe of it. She's a little curious as to what his mind comes up with on why it's growing, why he can't fit against her the way he used to. Or if he even realizes that she's no longer the same tall, lithe, person. Maybe his brain doesn't fully understand that she hasn't always been this way.

Maybe it does and that's why he leans down as if he's examining it. Already gathering evidence before he's even a year old.

"Those are your sisters, Cub." He looks at her, frowns and looks back at her baby bump. "That's Peanut and Cash."

"We named one Ella." Castle says it as if she's already forgotten and she hasn't. Not at all. One of her daughter's has a name. "Wait, which one did we name?"

She runs her fingers through Wes' hair as he leans down to press his nose into her stomach and considers the question. She hasn't thought about it really. She's been too busy accepting the fact that they're going to have a son and two daughters – three including Alexis. That's a lot to take in and she hasn't even given much thought to which baby should be Ella.

"I don't know. Peanut is our wild child so far and Cash is mellow, calm."

"Cub is pretty wild, I wouldn't say Peanut is the only one." He's right. Their son is hyperactive, a complete bundle of energy. Always moving. Although he seems content to tug at her shirt right now.

"I think Peanut is Ella. She's active, playful, and I think it just fits." Castle gives her that smile, the soft one with the warm eyes and she melts. Her body becoming mush as he leans over her legs, moving them gently until his chest settles between them, pressing her into the cushion.

Her eyes water before he ever raises her shirt. He does this. Pushes the fabric out of the way to be 'closer' as he says. And she doesn't know if she'll ever love him more than she does in these little moments. The way he ghosts his lips over her swollen skin, leaning to the left, pressing a soft kiss there and letting his breath wash over her in hot waves as he talks, low and quiet.

"Hey there, Ella." Wes copies his father, leaning and pressing his mouth to her stomach. Babbling incoherently and she bites her lip to keep from smiling too brightly as Castle gently presses his fingers against her left side, knowing that Cash is tucked away in some uncomfortable spot. "Our little wild woman and our mellow girl."

"Push just a little harder," He glances up at her, blue eyes questioning and she gives a nod. Showing him it's okay. "I think Cash is moving."

He presses, gently, steadily and she feels their daughter finally move. The relief is instantaneous.

"Better?"

"Much." She pulls Wes away from her stomach, tucks him between the back of the couch and her side as Castle continues to graze his fingers over her. Another press of his mouth a little further to the left as she nuzzles Cub, hears him squeal and push her face away with his hands.

"And over here is Cash, right?" She nods, tickles the back of her son's neck to hear his delighted giggles again. "Let's read them a book."

"All of them?"

"First family of five story time? I'd invite Alexis and make it six but I'm sure she's busy." Kate bites her tongue, almost spills the beans about what she's been discussing over the last few weeks with his daughter but that's why they're having dinner tomorrow. She won't ruin it for the girl.

"Okay, what book?"

"Your pick." She drops her head back against the arm of the couch, lets her eyes find the ceiling as she pours through titles in her head. The ones she knows happen to reside in their collection. She could pick one of his...listen to him gloat about it like he used to when she was pregnant with Wes, or she could pick something else...keep him guessing.

She doesn't know. She just isn't sure what she wants to hear right now. What words she wants to flow from his mouth in that husk he gets when he's reading to her.

"We could let Cub choose. He seems to always make his way over to the shelves anyway." It's true. The books that line the walls are his favorite things to get into. He pulls them down, fumbles with them until he manages to get them open and then he claps at his accomplishment.

"I think that's a great idea." She grins at him, nudges his shoulder with her knee and replies rather cheekily.

"I'm full of great ideas today." He catches the meaning behind her words, gives her a wink. "Just grab whatever book he reaches for."

"Look at us. Letting big brother pick for story time with his sisters." And if she wasn't already emotionally overwhelmed by the fact that she's having twin girls, that they've named one Ella and that she's a mother to three babies – she would be now. When he uses words like that, there's no way she's able to control her emotions.

She watches as his own statement washes over him, the way his eyes widen just a little before he drops his gaze back down to her round stomach, nuzzles his nose into it again, whispering an 'I love you' against her skin.

And then he's pushing himself up, reaching for the boy she's tucked against her and she lets him go. Making a silent vow to cuddle again as soon as they come back with something to read. She places both hands over her daughters, a loving embrace that'll have to do until she can hold them in her arms. Until they can have story time outside of the womb. With Daddy making funny faces while he reads, and Wes wiggling because he doesn't like to sit still.

**a/n: Next we get into more names...and cranky Becks.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: People would kill me if I owned it because Cub would exist.  
**

**A/N: Here it is...also, this is for Sav because she was sickly and because I might be taunting her on twitter right now...  
**

She's dying. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration but she feels like it's over a hundred degrees right now. She shouldn't be this hot. Not when sitting at her desk doing nothing of great importance. She's sweating. Actually perspiring underneath her shirt...well Castle's shirt because she's been too lazy to do the laundry and all of her maternity ones are dirty. So yeah, she's wearing one of his button downs which is stretched tight and she's sweating. She can feel it making the material cling - as if it doesn't do that enough already with her stomach expanded. But this is worse because she's just so hot.

She reaches for her bottle of water, revels in the cool slosh of it as the liquid washes over her tongue. It's not enough though. She's still too warm in here. She needs air. So when Espo mentions going on a food run she perks up, watches as he rises from his desk while Ryan rattles off an order that he actually expects his partner to remember.

"Take me with you." It isn't a question. It's not not even a polite request. It's almost rude. A demand that leaves no room for argument. But he does. They both do, stammering out excuses as to why she needs to stay.

"You're pregnant." It's the excuse they both stumble over at the same time. Voices mixing together. She rolls her eyes and quickly downs another swallow of her water.

"Nothing gets by you two, does it?"

"I think what Ryan and I are trying to say is that...well...you're big and pregnant. I mean you're...uh, I'm not saying you're fat." Normally she'd be amused by this, watching Esposito dig himself into a hole but this time, she's hot and she's miserable. And her control is wearing thin - fraying, almost tearing in two.

She narrows her gaze, lips forming a thin line as something akin to anger boils in her chest. She's sticky with sweat, Ella is tossing around in her stomach as if she's riding a roller coaster, pushing into her sister and making Cash push uncomfortably against her bladder. It's not a good time. And now her boys are calling her fat? No.

"Way to go Javi, she looks pissed." She tilts her head. Catches Ryan's eyes, watches as he ducks his head.

"I didn't see you jumping in with anything better." She raises an eyebrow, chews the inside of her cheek and then feels the last shred she had on her control break. Quickly. Like a rubber band that's under too much pressure.

"You know what guys, how 'bout you deal with two girls kickboxing the hell out of your insides and being so hot you can barely stand being in this stuffy precinct and then we'll talk. I'm going."

For a few seconds they both just stare at her, eyes widening as they realize what she's just said. She's not sorry she let it out. They're the last to know this time instead of Lanie and it feels good to finally get it out there.

"Did you just-"

"You're having-"

"Twins. Identical twin girls, now are we going or we just gonna stand around and chat all day?" She's hungry too. Hot, hungry, tired. Not a good combination when she's pregnant and currently pressing against her side to calm Ella down.

Ryan is the first to react, slowly dropping his blue eyes down to her stomach as she pushes up from her desk. It's getting harder and harder to do this without bracing herself first.

"Let's go, I'm starving." She doesn't even give him time to reply before she's heading to the elevator. He's silent when he catches up, pressing the button and waiting for a few moments for the doors to open. He's watching her, she can feel it. Even after she makes it into the elevator just fine and out to the car. He's still watching.

He's down right staring as she straps into the passenger seat and she's had enough. He'll wreck the car if he does this the entire time. She doesn't want to wreck. She wants a strawberry milkshake and chicken. Like maybe a grilled chicken sandwich with the works. Yeah, that sounds good but they have to make it there first and he's still not starting the car. His eyes are still on her. She knows where this is going and she doesn't like it.

"Can I help you with something, Espo?"

"Uh...I just, are you sure you should be riding around in a car when you're -"

"Promise not to crash us and I'm sure I'll be just fine. But you won't be if you don't stop with the staring." He turns away, faces out the windshield as he finally starts the engine. Her hands fly to the knobs controlling the air conditioning. She cranks it up, adjusts her side to blow straight into her face and waits for it to go from warm to cold.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Javi, I have an overprotective man at home. I don't need two." She really doesn't but she knows all of them mean well. They do. It's just their thing - they _think _they should keep her safe and sometimes it's really sweet. But not when she's hot and hungry. "I'm fine. I'm just hot."

"I'm gonna need a snowsuit if you keep that thing on full blast." She chokes out a laugh as he pulls out of the parking spot. "How does Castle live with you right now? I bet your kid is a Popsicle."

There's the man she's used to. Always making jokes. And she appreciates it right now. Turns the air down just a notch because she's still pretty warm but she does feel bad for him.

"Hush, I'm not that bad."

"Really, cause you just took our heads off in there for suggesting you stay and keep your feet propped up." Firstly, they said nothing about her feet but she won't be petty and point it out. "Then you practically slaughter us with your twin confession. Girls huh?"

"Yep. Can you drive faster, I'm starving." She's not even going to admit that her voice goes up an octave - almost a whimper by the end of her sentence.

"Kate Beckett -"

"Castle."

"You'll always be Beckett to me." It's actually sweet and she lets her eyes meet his as she gives a smile and they stop at a light. "But are you seriously whining right now?"

And then the smile is gone. Her fingers shooting up to flick him in the ear. She's not sorry for it, not even when he shrugs away and mumbles about her being overtaken with hormones. She better be getting a strawberry shake out of this.

* * *

Something melodic and flowy greets her ears as she opens the door to the loft - a soft and sweet sound of music. She pauses as soon as it clicks shut behind her, taken by the vision of her husband in socked feet, holding their son's hands and dancing around in circles with Wes on his toes - tiny feet never touching the ground. She wants to join, but she doesn't want to interrupt and her belly would get in the way. So she watches for a few minutes.

Saying nothing as Castle twirls around, careful not to knock the little one off balance. She loves them when they're like this. Just having father and son time. Something she knows her writer missed out on. It aches in her, makes her want to just hold him sometimes. That seems a little silly though - holding a grown man. But she's done it before and she's sure it'll happen again at some point. He has nightmares - like anyone else and she's been there, held him until his body stopped trembling.

And she's held him after they've made love, when he all but collapses against her and she's left with no other option - never looking for one - other than to pull him close, stroke her fingers through his hair, over his cheek. She loves those moments as much as she loves these ones. With her baby boy giggling with each turn, his hair ruffled and messy.

It's probably five minutes - maybe more before they realize she's watching. It's Wes that sees her first and pulls his arms away from his fathers hands, falls on his butt and wastes no time at all taking off in a crawl. Heading straight for her, he's a speed demon and in just a few seconds, he's tugging at her pant leg, pulling himself up to wrap his arms around her knee.

"Hey baby, you dancing with Daddy?" He's not the only boy that comes to greet her. Castle follows, a hand flying to her hip, massaging the spot that's been aching all day and pressing a kiss to her lips as Cub tries to climb up between them.

"You're home early."

"Cutting my hours. Less stress and better for the girls." It earns a smile, a big one and she knows it's the right decision. They've been talking about it for a few days. Now that she's made it to twenty-one weeks, she doesn't want to push herself when there's more than just her at risk. More than just a baby, two babies. Her body is already showing how difficult it is for this. The aches, the way her hip hurts almost constantly, a sharp ache that isn't made any better when Peanut - their little rambunctious Ella - decides to push her toes against the same side.

"Are you still taking the early maternity leave?"

"Most likely." She steps around him, holding onto small hands to make sure she doesn't topple their son over as she moves further into their home. "So are we still going to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Give Wes his first haircut?" She eyes him curiously, they'd just talked about this this morning, and again when she went with Espo to get some lunch. Their baby needs a trim. His hair is curling at his ears and the back of his neck, a messy mop of hair that is starting to just drive her crazy.

"Now?"

"You want to wait?"

"Well, no I just - you want _us _to cut it?" She does and she tells him so with a sharp nod.

"I don't want him to be scared and if a stranger comes at him with pointy objects, he'll freak out. So yeah, I want to do it myself. I've cut my dad's hair before." No big deal. She's managed just fine and she's trimmed her own a time or two - though maybe she shouldn't have. Especially that time she was four and managed to give herself something resembling a mullet.

She can do this. She can give their son a trim. It's not going to hurt him.

"Can you put him up on our bathroom counter while I find the scissors?" She's being nice about it, not just telling him what to do because he's not the one pressing into one of her organs, and pushing uncomfortably from inside. She swears with each day, it feels more and more intense. She knows that Wes used to do the same thing, but honestly, she'd managed to forget how strange it was.

When she makes it into the bathroom with the scissors in hand, she's suddenly taken aback by what's actually about to happen. This is their little Cub's first haircut. She steps up next to the counter, smiles down at him as he scrunches his nose and grins. It won't be hard. He's a good baby, he won't cry and it doesn't hurt him. But she's still shaking a little when she reaches for the first caramel colored lock...she poises the scissors, ready to snip and then nothing. Her hand isn't working. She can't get her fingers to operate and she's biting her lip, trying to fight tears.

No. This is dumb. It's just a haircut.

"I - I can't." It's soft, a breath of words that only Castle hears and it's enough to send him into action. He takes them from her hands, taking over and closing the blades. A sharp sound echoing, signifying the first cut as she holds on to the baby's waist. He sits still surprisingly. Their little wiggle worm actually just sits, giggles at each sound of a cut.

She watches his hair fall to the counter, sees how happy he is and knows that she's being ridiculous. And then she notices where Castle is heading with the scissors and she opens her mouth, snaps at him.

"Don't get that close to his ears."

"I'm not going to hurt him." She knows he'd never hurt him intentionally but the blades are sharp and Wes keeps turning his head toward the sound and he's getting too close.

"Just...go around slowly."

"Kate," It's a warning. The tone that tells her she's hovering too much and making him feel like he's not good enough. She hates that she does it but sometimes she just can't help it. This is her son. Her _only _son. He's small, and defenseless and it's her job to protect him. To protect all of them. Even the writer she's currently growing agitated with.

"Sorry."

"Just don't distract me or he'll look like Van Gogh." She doesn't laugh, instead she shoots him a glare, grips her son just a little tighter, his cotton clad legs are slipping around on the marble.

"Don't even joke like that - it's not funny."

"What do you think, Cub? Did Momma miss her nap today?" She rolls her eyes, huffs out a sigh and just gives up. He's clearly in a joking mood and she's not. She'll just stand quietly while he cuts. She doesn't want to end up fighting over something this trivial. Not in front of their babies. All three of them. She'll bite her tongue. Even if she really wants to snap at him, tell him he's being childish. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Uh oh. This means I'm in trouble." And the way he says it almost pulls a smile from her which just irritates her even more. "Wes, I think it's time you learn when a woman says 'I'm fine', it really means 'I'm anything but fine and you're a moron.' Remember this, it'll come in handy."

She shakes her head, watches as Castle brings the scissors to the last part of untouched hair. The left side, just above his ear. And just a few snips later and one very loud excited yell from Cub, his first haircut is a success. Leaving him with short locks that are easy to maintain by simply combing them over or spiking them. She's not really a fan of that but she's sure at some point her husband is going to be tempted to try it.

"So how'd I do?"

"Good. It looks really good." It does. Better than she expected. "You were right - I did miss my nap today."

"Oh yeah?" She gives a nod, knows she's been too cranky today but it was so hot at the precinct and even now, she just wants to strip down to nothing but his shirt and her panties, crawl in bed and cuddle.

"Mhm. What do you say we take Cub and lie down?" Castle doesn't even give her a verbal reply, just takes their son, dusts the hair off his face gently and heads back into the bedroom.

It gives her time to get ready. To let her hair down, rid herself of makeup. She does and she enjoys the way her skin feels after it's been cleansed. The way her headache goes away as her hair tumbles to her shoulders. She shakes it out, kicks off her shoes and then she's pushing the pants down her legs, stepping awkwardly to get them off.

With a hand against her stomach she joins her boys, Castle already sprawled on his side with Wes sharing his pillow. As soon as her knee hits the mattress Cub is reaching for her. She settles down, facing them, letting her baby scoot his way over to her and press his nose against hers. Her big boy. She kisses him softly, runs her fingers through his short hair. Still just as soft.

"Let's go night-night, little guy." She feels her writer move closer, doesn't need to look and then his hand is on the side of her stomach, stroking over Ella's romper room.

"How was this one today?"

"Mm, same. Twirling and kicking." She nuzzles against Wes, just to see his smile, those perfect little teeth.

"Cash?"

"Pushing her sister, I think but mostly calm." And then in a move that seems almost planned, she presses her lips against her son's forehead just as Castle does the same to his hair. This is why she's taking time off soon. For Cub's first birthday and to give herself a bit of a break since she's got two babies destroying her insides. And two stretch marks to prove it. Though she's lucky it's only two. "I was thinking..."

"I never know what to expect when you start a sentence like that." She smiles at him as Cub snuggles into her neck.

"We could go to the Hamptons for his birthday. Invite the family for a day."

"What about -"

"We could have a little party for him here and then head out for a week or so." She's been thinking about it for days, trying to work out all the details and it's just something she really wants to do. A bit of family time before she's so miserably pregnant that she can't even enjoy it.

"Sounds good. While we're sharing thoughts...I've been thinking of names all day."

"Oh?" Wes pushes his fingers against her nose, smashing it and making her pull back just a little. "Ow, Cub. Don't do that."

"And then I realized that I've never asked you if you would want to use your mother's." Something squeezes around her heart, takes the air from her lungs as she locks gazes with him, startled by his words. She's just assumed that he'd know.

"No - I don't...I don't think I could do that. Maybe for a middle name though."

"Okay." He doesn't ask why. Doesn't linger on the topic. Just rubs her side, fingers sliding up her ribs and then back down to push gently against their daughters. "How 'bout Emma? Ella and Emma?"

"No. Too cliche and I don't think it really fits Cash." He pokes at her stomach and she feels the one she's nicknamed Peanut - the one they've named Ella - push back at him. Knows as soon as his eyes widen and drop that he's felt it too. "Did you feel that?"

"Barely."

"That's Ella. She always hangs out on this side, and Cash is down here today," She grabs his wrist, moves his hand until it settles on the underside of her belly.

"Mm..." She lets him press as their son mumbles for attention. She lifts her eyes, meets a set of matching ones and nudges his nose with hers. "Mm"

"Hey baby,"

"Mma...Mama." Her chest seizes, body tensing as she hears his soft jabbers. The word he's just pushed out and she almost thinks she's hearing things until Castle slides his hand back around to her hip, massaging the sore spot. "Mama"

"That's right big boy, that's Momma."

"Mama." And then she's laughing, hugging him into her, almost crying as he keeps mumbling and it no longer matters that he didn't say it first - that it wasn't his very first word - because it's still beautiful, still amazing and she feels just as loved.

**a/n: Also, some people were throwing out name suggestions (which is really sweet by the way and I actually loved reading them) but I already have Cash named. Her parents just don't know it yet ;)  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Not owning it.  
**

**A/N: Present for all my twitter people...you know who you are.  
**

The fresh air is nice. The breeze almost cool so it's not too hot, though she isn't about to do anything more than sit and occasionally walk around with her family. Ever since they woke up this morning to Wes hollering for Momma, she's known they'd end up taking him to the park. It's a beautiful day, skies clear, wind blowing, birds singing kind of day. Well she doesn't actually hear any birds right now. Just kids off in the distance as they approach Cub's favorite fixture this park has to offer. He's a fan of the swings.

But this time, Castle detours with him tucking him under his arm and spinning around, lifting him up until he's squealing and flapping his arms like a bird. His little plaid button down rippling in the wind, showing off his belly. With each spin Castle dips him down, raises him back up telling him that he's an airplane and she just smiles at them, points at the swing and the kids playing on it.

"I think the girls want to swing." She leaves them, playing in the grass and perches herself on the slightly uncomfortable plastic of the swing. She presses her hand against the top of her stomach, pushing down to get Ella out of her ribs. She knows it's her that's decided to play up there. Cash is still sitting lower, that seems to be where she stays - right against her bladder. "Hey Cash, you wanna move a little?"

She feels something tug, a relief from the pressure and she wonders if maybe the baby is responding to her and then the weight settles heavier and she lets out a sigh. Rubs over the lazy one.

"Not what I meant, Cash. I got your sister in my ribs, I could use a little relief kid." And then she feels the kick, low on her stomach, almost as if she's being used as leverage as the little one finally eases up, settles in a spot just a bit to the left. "That's Momma's good girl."

She spots a flash of bright colors out of the corner of her eye, turns to see a little girl settle in the swing next to her and gives her a curious stare. Maybe it is a little weird that she's big and pregnant and slowly swaying back and forth. Her converses pressing into the dirt with each rocking motion.

"Hi." She gives the little one her attention, the red curls and freckles making her hard to miss and as adorable as a baby kitten. The bow keeping her locks at bay is equally as cute, white and pretty. "My mommy talks to her belly too."

"Hi. I'm Kate, what's your name?"

"Rosie. Well that's what my mommy calls me." The girl points to a woman sitting on a bench and Kate gives her a little wave, tries to show her that she's not just some stranger who is planning to take off with her kid. Although that'd be rather hard with the bulge of her stomach. She notices the woman gives a nod, waves back and returns to sipping her drink. She has a belly too. Not as big but definitely expecting. "Is that your baby?"

Now Rosie is pointing at Wes, crawling around in the grass with his father trailing after him and the boy is definitely getting stains all over his new blue jeans.

"Yeah, and these two." She rubs a hand over her swollen abdomen, watches as Rosie's eyes widen. A smile taking over the girl's face and revealing her missing two front teeth.

"More than one? Mommy's having a baby too but just one. It's a boy but I wanted a sister."

"Boys aren't so bad, I promise." The child huffs, digs her shoes into the dirt as if she's preparing to launch herself. "I'm having girls."

"What are their names?" It's an innocent question, filled with curiosity and wonder. There's no way she can be upset about the grass stains she's going to need to scrub out of denim when this little girl is keeping her occupied.

"Well, this one," She pokes at her left side, feels Peanut push back against her hand. "is Ella, and then her sister doesn't have a name just yet so we call her Cash."

"Ella is a pretty name." Kate nods at her, watches Wes push himself up into a standing position with Castle's help. And then her little boy is smiling a wicked mischievous grin and pulling his hands away from his fathers, balancing unsteadily in the grass. "He's so cute."

"I bet your brother will be just as cute. And you can still play with him, even though he's a boy."

"I know...but I still wanted a sister." She's grumbling and Kate thinks it's adorable. The way her nose scrunches in distaste at the thought of a boy versus a girl. "I think your baby misses you, Kate."

The words push her back into watching her husband and son, just as Wes takes a clumsy step in her direction. His legs wobbling and knees almost giving out but he straightens, tries again with the other foot and she's frozen in her spot. Legs no longer rocking her seat back and forth, the chains no longer squeaking as she watches her smiling little boy take another step. Unsteady and stumbling, falling forward and catching himself on his hands, Castle helping him back up.

Tossing a wink her direction as she holds her arms out. Tries to coax him into trying it again. This is the first time he's done this. The first time he's taken wobbly steps and her heart is bursting in her chest, Ella stretching out in her stomach, Cash curling into a ball and she's pretty sure she's about to explode with emotion.

"Wes!" She hears herself say it but she can't believe it comes out of her own mouth. Or the fact that he smiles at her, claps his hands together and pushes his left leg forward.

"Momma." He's gotten better at saying it in the last couple of weeks. It's no longer broken syllables and forced. It flows, and as he picks up speed, legs pushing him faster, he keeps saying it. Over and over until he's at her feet, pushing his chest into her knees. She wants to lift him, pepper kisses along his cheeks but she settles for ruffling his hair until Castle steps up behind him - picking him up and making some weird defunct engine noise that makes Cub and Rosie both laugh.

"He walked!"

"Apparently he wanted you and who is this young lady?"

"I'm Rosie. Kate told me about the babies in her belly. One is named Ella." Children are naturally curious, naturally honest and it cuts through to her, makes her wonder how her daughters will act. If they'll be like this little girl who is so blunt and adorable or if they'll be more reserved, shy almost. She already knows her little Cub is a people person but what about her girls? She doesn't know.

"I'm Rick, this is Wes and yeah, we named one Ella."

"You should name the other one something really pretty too." It amazes Kate every single day she sees her writer with their son but now she's seeing him react with this little girl - and it makes her anxious. Makes her want her daughters here. "And put bows in their hair, like mine!"

"I'm sure we will." They chat for a few minutes with the girl, as Castle pushes Kate and Wes on the swing - her belly is almost too big to do this but they manage. She answers Rosie's questions about the babies, and about Cub. And then the girl is being called away by her mother, her curls bouncing as she takes off in a run.

It gets quiet between them - just the jabbering of Wes to keep them company as Castle presses his hands gently into the small of her back, making the cotton of her shirt slide against her skin. She's starting to feel hot out here. But she promised her son they'd play and he won't understand if they leave before they've even been here an hour.

He may not be a year old just yet but he will be in the next couple of weeks and he's already so perceptive that sometimes she worries he knows too much. If that's possible for a toddling baby. Her walking boy. Oh god, he's walking. Where did the time go? Why isn't he still two months old and clinging to her shirt, nuzzling his tiny nose against her collarbone?

She swallows as her husband pushes them higher, tries not to let her emotions get the best of her while they're in a public park. Wes blows a raspberry into her arm, sloppy and wet against her skin and it's a little gross but she still just smiles at him - presses her lips to the top of his head.

"She reminded me of Alexis." She's not surprised that it's the first thing out of his mouth, his breath coming in a hot pant against her ear before he pushes against her back, sends them swinging through the air.

"The hair?"

"And the honesty." She can see it. The resemblance. "Are you getting too warm? Your face is turning red."

"I'm okay for now. Just promise me we're getting ice cream after this and I can make it."

"You'll get your strawberry shake." It shouldn't excite her as much as it does but she can't help it. She just wants one all the time and as sad as it, it's the highlight of her day sometimes. Not today though. The little boy with his mouth still pressed into her arm stole that title on this day. He walked. Okay, it was more stumbling and toddling around but it counts. "But seriously, Kate, we can go if it's too hot out here."

It isn't not really, she knows it isn't judging by the fact that Wes isn't even pink in the face yet. Her body is just overrun temperature wise and loves to remind her that she's indeed pregnant. As if its even possible to forget at this point. When her girls are moving, and kicking it's hard to remember being anything but cramped, bloated, and aching. Definitely pregnant.

"Let's swing a little longer and then we'll go. I really want that milkshake." Just like she's wanted it every single day. "Oh! Maybe we can get Subway too. For dinner, Cub loves their cookies."

"So do you." She does. The white chocolate chip macadamia cookies. They're her favorite. Oh that sounds so good right now. A sandwich, a cookie, and then they can stop and get the strawberry milkshake on the way home. Sounds pretty good to her. And she knows that Wes won't mind if he gets a cookie out of the deal. He'll be a happy little boy. With chocolate on his face and crumbs in his clothes.

* * *

Cub is back to crawling once they're home for the day. Pushing himself up to stand and occasionally taking a few steps but then he sits back down and just crawls the rest of the way. She's okay with it. Doesn't push him to be anything other than what he is. Just her perfect, toddling boy who thinks it's easier to just get there on all fours instead of walking.

But it's still a shock for Martha. Still surprises her into rushing over, grabbing him up from the floor and pressing exaggerated kisses into his cheeks as he squeals the whole time. If Kate were able to, she would join the excitement but she's already stretched along the couch and there's no way she's getting up without help from Castle.

"He's walking?"

"He just started today at the park. He tried to get away from Daddy and he came straight over to me." Well not exactly straight. It was more of a zigzag of shaky uncoordinated stumbles.

"Weston, you're growing up too fast." Kate nods her agreement, strokes her fingers along her active Ella as Castle pushes his thumb into the arch of her foot. Such a good man. A glorious and amazing man.

"So are these two."

"Miserable?"

"You've no idea." And she knows it's only going to get worse. The bigger they get, the further along she is, it will only be more pressure, more stretching of her stomach and them pushing her organs around. She'll be more out of breath over the simplest tasks.

"You're right, I really don't. I only had Richard and he was enough for me, let me tell you."

"Hey! I'm right here." His mother waves him off, carries Wes around with her as she bustles about in the kitchen and Kate has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She's sure he was certainly a handful. Even now, as he pokes his bottom lip out in a mock pout, she's reminded that he's still a handful. He gets into more trouble than their baby most days.

"Don't worry, Castle, I still love you."

"First she's moving out and then she's saying that -"

"Hey, it'll be okay and you said you were glad she's found a place of her own." That's what he'd said not even an hour ago when she was the one saddened by the news that Martha would no longer be living with them. She's still not sure how she feels about it. She's so used to having her around. Leaning on her sometimes when she feels overwhelmed by her job, being a mother and a wife.

And maybe she's clinging a bit because she still misses her own mother every single day and it's just been really nice to have a mother figure again. Someone to have talks with. Girl talks that she can't just have with her husband. But now he's the one acting like it hurts and she's the one trying to lean closer to him, her stomach making it impossible so she just nudges his thigh with her toes and wiggles her fingers towards him until he gives her a hand.

She doesn't use it to pull herself up and she knows he's a bit unsure of where she's going with it when she tugs. Until she presses it against her stomach, right over Cash and lets him feel the little one move. She's moving. Their lazy little bum is turning, pushing out against the confines she's in and making her presence known to the both of them.

"I'll miss her too. I'll miss her a lot but these two will keep us busy."

"That's Cash moving, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Ella is calm right now - surprisingly." Usually evening time is her play time but she must be resting. Saving up her energy for later. "And Cash is taking advantage of it."

"Do you want Cash's middle name to be Johanna? It doesn't really fit with Ella and I just...I know you said we might use it -"

"I don't really know yet. I would have to figure out her name, see if it sounds okay."

"We could split it." She frowns at him, tilts her head as she tries to figure out the question in his eyes, the way he leans over her, brushes his thumb over their daughters.

"What do you mean?"

"We could use Jo as Ella's middle name. It sounds pretty cute and Hanna for Cash." She hears Martha say something, pretty sure she's talking to her but she can't focus on anything other than the man in front of her and the fact that he's really thought of this. That he's really taken the time to pick it apart and try to find something to honor her mother in a way that gives both of their babies a piece of it. A way that doesn't offend her or hurt her feelings in any way.

In this moment he's too much for her to handle. Too much to comprehend and she's left speechless. Just staring at him. She doesn't know for how long before she finally hears actual words leave her lips.

"Ella Jo Castle...it does sound pretty cute." And then he's smiling. Letting out a breath that shows her how worried he was about putting the idea out there. Like she would be mad that he wanted to separate her mother's name into two. But she isn't. Not when this is a way for both of their daughters to carry a reminder of the grandmother they'll never get to meet.

"And now we just have to find Cash a name that fits with Hanna."

"You're pretty amazing and sweet sometimes, you know that Castle?"

"I've heard it once or twice." She's feeding his ego but she'll let it slide this time. Because one of their little girls has a full name and Cash will too. Soon. She just knows they'll find something perfect for their lazy baby. "Does this mean Cub gets a puppy for his birthday?"

"No." He's been asking for the last few weeks. But the answer hasn't changed. Not even when he leans over her, pushing himself up to plant his mouth over hers, a loving kiss that seeks the cavern of her mouth. A sweeping tongue that has heat flooding into her cheeks, turning them pink. The answer is still no. Even when after their son is in bed and he takes his time, undresses her slowly, makes her melt. It's still a no. Their son is not getting a puppy because she's pretty sure it's Castle that really wants it.

**a/n: I'm sitting outside drinking sweet tea right now and watching twitter...just waiting for the explosion.  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Cub, Cash, and Peanut are mine. Nothing else...  
**

**A/N: Hi, I have nothing clever to put here...so just enjoy.  
**

Day one of their miniature vacation and Kate already feels less stressed. Just a night in their Hamptons home and she's more rested than she's been in weeks. No bodies. At least she hopes there won't be any bodies. But if Castle doesn't watch out, he might be the body. He's been in an impish mood all morning, taunting playfully and it's fun for now but she's getting tired. Just tired. Wanting a nap and it's barely even noon. But she isn't about to lie down and sleep when there's so much she needs to get done.

She wants to take Cub back to the beach, let him play in the sand again now that he's just an hour and fifty-seven minutes shy of being a year old. Her baby boy, walking, talking, and now a year old. Yesterday was the big party, with cake and balloons and presents. Icing everywhere and pieces of cake smashed by his little fingers. He loved it. So did she. Every minute of it - even when Ryan and Espo were arguing over gifts and the kids ended up covered in ice cream.

Oh. Ice cream sounds delicious. No, she just had some last night, she doesn't need any more but it does sound good. Maybe she'll talk Castle into going on a shake run for her. Or maybe she'll just make one - she knows all the makings are in the kitchen. But not yet, right now, she's going to push herself up from the couch, wait on her son to wake up and then they're going down to the water. Even if it is the fourth of October, it's still in the seventies and to her that's more like high eighties at this point.

She tries to get up, bracing herself with an arm behind her but the couch has too soft of cushions making it a quicksand effect. The more she tries, the harder it is. She flops back - giving herself a brief moment to collect and she stares up at the ceiling, determination painting across her face. She can do this. She just needs the right leverage, she uses both arms, scoots herself to the very edge and half rolls, half pushes until she's finally balancing on her own two feet and no longer being sucked in by the traitorous piece of furniture. Oh how she _hates_ this couch.

She gives it a glare as she stands there for a second, just wondering why it's so hard to maneuver around with a belly. With two babies making her look like she's farther along than just six months, she's surprised she manages to still do this on her own. Most of the time, sometimes she asks Castle for a hand or he just offers it silently with a bit of a smirk.

"Are you glaring at our couch?" She startles, turning to the left to see him leaning against the wall and there's that stupid smirk she was just thinking about. The one laced with amusement at her expense.

"Wha - no."

"Are you sure?" She huffs at him, crosses her arms over her chest, resting them against her stomach. She can always feel Ella move when she does this. Any pressure at all and Ella is pushing against it, moving like crazy. Her active little Peanut. "Because I think -"

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Few minutes." He shrugs a shoulder, his smirk falling the second she arches an eyebrow.

"Are you saying that you just watched me get up from the couch, didn't even bother to help?" She's not actually upset, but she pretends to be, watches him squirm, taking several steps towards her to try and smooth things over. He's so easy.

"I - I didn't - last time you didn't want me to help." He looks worried, cautious and she knows that he's remembering how she insisted she didn't need help just a few days ago. She gives in, cracks a smile when he gently touches her elbow as if she might turn away from him. It turns into a bright teeth showing thing as soon as his brow scrunches in confusion. The lines of his face deepening, making him look his age.

She leans forward, pressing a kiss to his pout - quick and leaving him no time to respond.

"Relax. I'm only teasing."

"You're a cruel woman."

"So you've said. I'm guessing our little Cub is still sleeping." He gives a nod, tugs her elbow as he flops down on the couch. "No. Nope. I just got off that thing."

"Come on, sit with me. I'll help you up this time." It's the wiggling of his eyebrows that gets her, makes her roll her eyes and situate herself between his legs, back against his chest. He always wants to be like this if they're relaxing, says he likes to feel Ella and Cash move beneath his hands and feel her heart next to his. He's a cheesy man. A terribly committed romantic and she's a bit ashamed to say that she loves it. One of the many things about him that sends a swell of love crashing over her, knocking her down, drowning her.

The heat of his breath against her ear sends a shiver through her, making her push back against him to be closer. She touches first, ghosting fingers down to the hem of her shirt - an old faded thing she pulled from his drawer, with a Superman symbol over the chest. She's the one to pull it up, knowing if she doesn't then he will. As soon as the fabric is bunched beneath her breasts, his palms smooth over the swell, around her navel, one settling over Peanut, the other dipping around to the spot Cash rests in.

"How are my girls today?" It's a rough whisper into her ear, has her biting her lip and warmth spreading through her. The sound of his voice has always been able to do things to her. Make her angry, happy...this time it's verging between happiness and arousal. Maybe it's just both. The texture velvet in it's low rumble, she loves when he drops an octave.

"They're doing okay."

"How 'bout you?"

"I'm fine." Something warm and silky presses softly to her neck, his mouth, she knows that sensation anywhere. Those are his lips, parting, sucking and she sinks into him, muscles going lax beneath her skin. But he stops, abruptly. Nudges his nose against her ear.

"S'okay to complain Kate. You're carrying two babies - I know you love them and I'm not going to judge you for voicing how you really feel right now."

"Being pregnant sucks." It's the first thing out of her mouth and she feels his snort of a laugh. She loves the fact that her body is nurturing her twins, loves that she can feel them move and interact with them but she doesn't like the back ache that she's had for almost two weeks, the way her feet start to swell when she gets too hot or has been standing for more than twenty minutes. Or the other - grosser - parts that she doesn't plan on discussing with him. "But I like when they move, well sometimes Ella gets too enthusiastic in there and my ribs pay the price. It's so weird though, two moving instead of just one. I thought feeling Cub was strange."

"I can feel Cash, she's doing something." She is. A weird nudging thing she does that Kate is pretty sure happens to be her knee or her elbow. And then it intensifies, becomes an ache as she settles, making Kate press against Castle's fingers to get their lazy one to stretch back out. "You okay?"

"She's sitting in an awkward spot."

"Hey now little Cash, time to move." His fingers push until she feels their baby - their perfect little baby - ease up. Just in time for Peanut to start kicking. "Oh, I think Ella heard me."

"She does seem to respond like crazy when you're around. Cub did too, remember?" She laces her fingers through the backs of his - the ones still stroking over their lazy bum. Easy smooth presses of his palm back and forth. Soothing. Relaxing. The heat of his chest making the tense knots in her lower back ease just a bit.

"Do you think she's jealous because I was paying attention to Cash and not her?" She opens her mouth to answer but he doesn't give her the chance before his thumb brushes along her navel and his words drift against her ear. "Don't worry Ella, I didn't forget about you."

"You wiggle around so much, it'd be hard to forget you."

"Don't listen to Momma, she's just cranky." She isn't though. She's actually in a great mood for the moment and it has everything to do with the fact that he's talking to their daughters.

"I don't think you should be telling our kids not to listen to their mother." His shoulders shake, she can feel it, his chest joining and then she's shaking with him, random little chuckles about the fact that he's already teaching their little girls bad habits.

"Speaking of kids...look at the clock, guess who just officially turned one year old." She doesn't look but she turns her head, rests her forehead against his jaw, pushing into him until he dips, meets her lips for a kiss. Their son is a year old. Their tiny perfect squalling pink faced newborn is now a bubbly hyper walking talking boy. She doesn't know how she feels about this so she pushes her mouth harder against his, craning her neck at an awkward angle until a flash of pain races down her spine, makes her pull away.

"We should go wake him, take him to play in the sand."

"You better wear something light or you'll be complaining in five minutes that it's too hot." She will. He knows her so well. "You could wear your bathing suit."

"Doesn't fit over the twins."

"I mean the one...you know, the strings and the red -" She knows, she remembers it quite well. She bought it just for him and the privacy of his pool. "Yeah, wear that one."

"Castle, in case you didn't notice there's a huge growth taking over my abdomen."

"Okay, if you aren't comfortable in it - despite the privacy of the beach - then wear my shirt over it." She weighs her options, knows he's right about her getting too hot in a matter of minutes. With a slight grumble she gives in, admits that he's got a point.

"This shirt. I'm wearing this one." She likes the soft worn cotton against her skin. And maybe she likes the fact that it's Superman. She watches as he circles her belly button, shaking her head at his fascination with it and grabbing at his wrist to stop him. He pulls away, skims back over it just to spite her. "That tickles."

She doesn't tell him to stop this time, knows that he's only doing this because it now pokes out instead of in. But it does tickle and she squirms against him, moving her hands to his thighs. She barely has time to react when he stops, leaves his palm against her stomach as his other hand brushes down. Skims the waist band of her shorts, teases the edge with his pinky and she knows what he's doing. The kisses he's pressing against her neck, the heat radiating from his body.

"Castle," She's warning, asking him to stop - at least that's what she intended but it sounds more like pleading.

"Five minutes and we'll wake Cub." And then his fingers slip beneath her shorts, her hands gripping his thighs and a soft sigh tumbling from her mouth. _Oh._ She really loves this couch.

* * *

He was right. Just a few minutes in the sun - even being so late in the year - and she's hot. But Wes is giggling, clapping his sand covered hands together and smiling at her. It's his birthday, she's not going to miss a second of it. She doesn't care anymore that her suit is a bit too tight over her chest or that her stomach is going to show. She strips out of the shirt, ignoring the knowing look she gets from her writer. Smug bastard.

Although the sandcastle isn't going as well now that he's mobile enough to knock it down, stomp over it in excitement but Castle is still trying, sitting with him and attempting to build one. A big one by the looks of it. She's sitting this one out, in a chair instead of down in the sand.

A plastic chair that's sticking to her skin as she watches them, snapping pictures when neither one of her men are paying any attention. As she gets one of Castle in mid build of a tower and Wes smiling at him, his hands on both of his dad's cheeks, she finds herself thinking of what next year will be like. Bringing the girls on their first visit to the Hamptons. She's not counting this one since they're still growing inside her womb. They won't be big enough for much but she still wants this to become a summer thing - a family getaway for them.

And maybe they'll do this again - coming for birthdays too. Since Wes is enjoying it so much, squealing out a 'Dada' when his father blows a raspberry into his cheek.

"What do you say, Wes, does Momma need a raspberry kiss?" She startles at her title, the name she's called now. No longer just Kate, or Beckett, or Detective. But Momma. And then the words sink in as Castle lifts their son, starts walking towards her.

"No. Oh no. I'm just fine without one."

"You're going to tell our only son on his very first birthday that he can't give you a kiss?"

"I'm not telling him no. I'm telling you no." Because she knows before her little boy is ever placed next to her in the chair that he's not going to be the only one with his mouth open against her cheek. She lets him climb up her side, only wincing when his knee pushes into her ribs. Two of her three kids seem to think ribs are there to just push against.

He grins as she runs her hand up his back, his ridiculous shark shirt that Castle bought him is soft beneath her fingers - but not as soft as his skin. She loves how smooth he is, how warm. She wishes her skin was that silky and blemish free. No scars. A fresh canvas for a life waiting to be painted. But when those eyes meet hers she doesn't wish that at all. She doesn't want a beginning, a new start because this is where she's always belonged. And her scars, her memories, are the map showing the roads she's taken to get here.

The sacrifices she's made, the decisions that hurt other people, that hurt herself. All of it led here and suddenly none of it seems so important anymore. Her son is a year old. And her daughters are both healthy and growing.

"Hey there, little Cub."

"Momma momma momma," He's snuggly today. Pressing his nose into her cheek as she shoves at his father's chest the second he leans over her. She's not letting him anywhere near her face right now. Not when he's smirking like that. She won't be part of his childish ways. Not right now anyway.

"Don't even think about it, Castle."

"Don't be grumpy." She pouts at him, ready to make a quick witted retort but he's pushing his lips into hers, stealing a kiss. She gives it, lets him caress for a few seconds longer until a hand pushes him away, small fingers against his jaw and a giggle erupting from a smiling little boy. "Someone doesn't like sharing Momma."

"Do you think he'll be jealous of the twins?"

"No." She's not sure she believes him but Cub is wanting her attention, patting at her chest and jabbering at her. "You tell her, Wes. Make sure she gets the highlights."

He rattles on, ending it with a yell. All she got out of that was one mumble of 'Momma' - the rest she didn't understand a bit. A lot of sounds more than baby words but he was worked up enough to being yelling at the end. Something important in his mind.

"He's pleading our case. The men of Castle case."

"What?"

"The males of the Castle household would like a puppy for their birthday."

"Well _your_ birthday isn't for several months and we've talked about this. I'm still pregnant _with twins_. I think that's enough chaos without adding a dog into the mix." She doesn't want to discuss it anymore. It's been a topic for the last several months and she just doesn't want to even think about it because he'll end up wearing her down. She'll give in. Her hormones will get the best of her and she'll let him have his damn dog. So no, they're not discussing it.

"I know but that -"

"Dod dod dod." She lets her happy boy slide down from her side, his feet hitting the sand as she finally understands what he's going on about.

"You taught him to say dog?" That's what all those whispers were about. Teaching their son a new word just to use it against her.

"Uh...no?"

"I think you two should go finish your sandcastle before you both end up in trouble." Just as she says it a pile of sand spills from little hands directly onto her round stomach. She should have known that their curious hyper son and sand wouldn't be a good combination.

She ruffles his hair with an affectionate hand, showing him that he's okay and he does it again, laughing as she brushes it away. She hates the stickiness of sand. How it clings. But if it makes Wes happy then she'll let him 'bury' her with his tiny little handfuls. Besides, he's technically burying his sisters in it. And that thought excites her, makes her want to speed up time and slow it down all at once. She just wants her girls to be here, and she knows that Castle is right.

Wes already loves them, though he doesn't fully understand what's going on. He pats her stomach though, mimics his dad when he kisses it. He's going to be a great big brother. She knows it. And the moment Ella kicks against his hand, making him pull back and stare down at her swollen abdomen with his mouth open and eyes wide, she lets all her fears about jealousy and him feeling left out completely melt away.

"That's Ella. That's your little sister in there - one of them." She reaches for his fingers, places them back over her stomach and lets him feel the succession of kicks. He's never felt them move before, not while he's awake and the face he makes reminds her of a fish. An adorable amazed little fish.

* * *

She doesn't know how this even happened. One minute she was fine, just a bit sleepy and then the next she's waking up to Castle kissing her cheek telling her she's going to hate him. She didn't understand but now she does. The way her legs sting, the ache in her skin as she tries to get dressed for bed. Now she understands and yes, she hates him. Okay, that's a huge lie. She loves him. But she's more than a little sore and she's a bit angry that he let her sleep in a lounge chair.

Her red skin is just a reminder. She doesn't want to deal with anyone right now. She wants to curl up and go to bed. Forget about the fact that she's actually sporting a sunburn because he took Cub inside to make snacks and left her to sleep...in a chair. She hears the door click, knows he's coming to join her but she stays facing the opposite direction, closes her eyes.

"I'm sorry." It's not his fault and he shouldn't be sorry but she doesn't say anything. "I thought you had sunscreen on and it felt nice outside so I wasn't concerned for the girls getting too hot."

"It's October Castle, I wasn't worried about sunscreen."

"It's barely October." She turns to face him, letting her back settle into the mattress. The part of her that isn't pink at the moment. She shoots him a glare, as he pulls the blankets off of her, sitting up with a bottle resting on his legs. "I brought some Aloe."

He opens it, turns the bottle upside down but before he can get any further, she stops him with a glare. She's not about to let anyone touch her. She doesn't care that he's all velvet hands when he needs to be, her skin is on fire and he's not touching it. Nope.

"Don't touch me." It's a bit harsher than she intends but he doesn't take it to heart. If he did, he wouldn't be pushing closer, pressing the bottle against her hand. Making her shiver from the cold that radiates from it.

"I put it in the fridge for awhile, trust me." It does feel good, it's not even on her skin but the cool from the bottle is enough to have her almost relenting. Giving in to letting him stroke his fingers over her. Almost.

"I do trust you but I can do it myself. It's only my front." Her chest, stomach, and legs. Her expanded middle hurts the most and now Cash has decided to have a tumbling contest with her sister. She just wants to sleep and wake up to no more red painted over her flesh.

"Kate, let me." It's the pleading in his tone that makes her sigh, makes her pull her shirt up to expose the pink of her skin. She hisses when something cold touches her chest, but it feels good. The burning instantaneously stops wherever he touches. She closes her eyes, lets him do this. For his own peace of mind. She heard guilt. That's why she's letting him. He feels guilty but he doesn't need to.

It's not even that bad. Just a red tint that stings. But now he's soothing it, making it better. Her eyes open, the blue of his meeting them. She loves it here with him, likes this bedroom, the colors. Colors. Now she's thinking of the nursery, the colors and the instructions she left. She's going to regret that decision. She just knows it.

"Feels good."

"Told you."

"Do you think we made a mistake by leaving Martha and Alexis to paint the nursery?" He frowns at her, squeezes more Aloe onto his hand and continues over her stomach. "It's just that I love your mother and all, but she has interesting tastes and I worry that we'll end up with hot pink and some bright vibrant purple that blinds us."

"Don't forget that Alexis is there too. She'll make sure Mother doesn't go too over the top."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm worrying over nothing." She's been doing that a lot lately. Picking apart little insignificant things because she's starting to get nervous. Starting to think of the birth and what it's going to be like with twins. She doesn't want a c-section but she knows that there's a bigger chance of it being necessary. She's scared about it.

And now she's thinking about it again, the fact that they'd be cutting into her skin - right next to her babies and she just freezes for a second. If Castle notices he doesn't say anything until she knocks the bottle from his hand, rolls onto her side and pulls him down next to her. She gets close, her nose almost touching his, her belly pressing into him and her hand at his jaw. Every time she thinks about it, she ends up doing this. Needing him. Needing to feel him close.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I..yeah...I just - I'm six months. And we haven't really talked about the birth. I want to have them naturally, like I did with Cub but I know there's a chance that won't be possible and -"

"You're scared."

"Nailed it." He doesn't say anything more about it, doesn't prompt her. He lets her be and that's exactly what she needs. To just be. To get out of her own head and be right here, in his arms. He makes her believe in things. Believe that it'll all work out in the end and that everything will be okay. It's a good five minutes before she wiggles, presses her lips to his. "Can we talk about it in the morning, actually talk about it?"

"Kate, we can talk about anything, anytime."

"Then for now, let's talk about the last year and that our little boy is one." And with those words between them - her voice cracking and tears coming - she decides that their son's first birthday has been a success. He's sleeping down the hall, his presents from the family are all at home. And by the end of the week, Alexis is joining their vacation. That's a pretty good first birthday for their baby.

**a/n: If you've never had a sunburn in October...don't talk to me. Last year I sunburned on my birthday...in FEBRUARY.  
**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Castle isn't mine. Excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep.  
**

**A/N: One of those days...also, I hope Ris cries! AN OCEAN. Okay, that was mean. I take it back. Kinda. Not really though.  
**

She's annoyed today. Not even sure why but it's just lingering beneath her skin, pushing to get out and every _little_ thing just makes it worse. The way the water in the shower didn't get hot fast enough. The way her hair wouldn't cooperate so she's decided to just cut it off when they get back to the city and for now it's in a ponytail. The fact that the shirt she wanted to wear looks awful on her but she couldn't find anything else. The kiss Castle planted on her cheek and the pancakes he made. He knows pancakes don't agree with her right now and it doesn't even matter that they were for Alexis and he made her an omelet. Every tiny thing is irritating.

It's just a bad day - an off day. One in which she's better off reading alone on the couch with Wes playing at her feet but that's not what's happening. Because she's trying to be in a better mood, trying to make this special so when her writer asked if she wanted to go for a walk on the beach she found herself saying yes. And even though Alexis jumped in, offering to keep Cub so they could have some time alone, she declined. Wanting to take her son as a buffer, a reason to be pleasant and not just rant the whole time about things that don't even matter.

And he was reaching for her, calling to her. She couldn't leave him so she didn't. One of his hands is curled in hers, the other in his father's as they walk slowly, letting him wobble along between them. Leaving little footprints in the sand as he jabbers at them. It's actually nice. Beautiful out and this is as close to calm as she's felt all day. She's not even going to point out how cliche they're being right now, barefoot and walking along the beach as if they reside in some cheesy film that she secretly loves.

The ones she sometimes makes her other half suffer through. Although she's caught him watching Lifetime movies more than once so he has no room to talk. Absolutely not. But even if this is pushing a new level of cliche, she's not complaining. It's nice to get out, to listen as Wes rambles on in his own little language, giggling when he finds something he's said funny. Though she has no idea what it is.

"Feeling better?" She ducks her head on a nod, looking down at her stomach because of course he knows that she's irritable. Of course he's been able to piece it together. That's why they're on this walk - he wanted to get her out of the house and it makes sense that out here she'd be more comfortable. The fresh air, the fact that she can stretch her legs for a bit and it gets Ella to calm down.

Their wild little Peanut has been in her ribs since she fell asleep last night and this is the first bit of relief Kate's felt all day. Her babies like to go for walks apparently. If the smile on Cub's face and the calm that's settled over the two in her stomach are any indication, then yes, she'll say that her kids enjoy walks.

"Dada dada dada." Their toddling son is pulling on her hand, trying to jerk his out of her grasp and she lets go, knows that Castle still has him. He points with all of his fingers out, hasn't quite mastered the concept but it's good enough and she follows with her eyes, searching for whatever has him so excited. She doesn't see anything.

"What is it Wes?" He looks up at her, eyes wide and waves his arm. She still doesn't see anything. Her excitable little baby boy with the caramel colored locks and big beautiful eyes. But he isn't so little anymore. That's why they're here in the first place. Why she's walking down the beach with her pant legs rolled up. "Do you see anything, Castle?"

"No. Just let him have his little moment."

"I know I haven't been very talkative today - sorry."

"Everyone is allowed to have bad days, Kate." She just has them a lot more now that she's dealing with hormones and two children practicing tap moves in her abdomen. But she knows how to make up for it - knows exactly what will make him smile like their son is right now.

"Wanna try and name our tiny Cash?" And it works, he lights up. A smile, a twinkle appearing in his eyes as he slows to a stop with Wes at his side. She stops a few steps ahead of them, watches as he hoists their son up into the air, swings him around until his little legs are resting on his shoulders. "Be careful, don't -"

"I won't let him fall." She knows she needs to trust him and she does, stepping into him, letting her arm wrap around his waist as he holds tightly to their boy. And Wes is loving it, squealing in delight, burying his hands in his father's hair and smirking down at her. She's given birth to a daredevil of a child. She can only hope her girls will be sensible. "So we're naming Cash today?"

"Figured we could give it a shot. You go first."

"McKenzie."

"Maybe. You know since I picked Ella...it's only fair that you get to choose Cash's name - within reason." She's not about to give him full reign but she'll let him have this, as long as it's something she likes too.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but it has to be something we both like." There's only the sound of waves for a few minutes and she looks up, sees that their Cub is resting his head on top of his dads, his hands gripping at Castle's ears. He's too quiet sometimes, and it worries her because she's so used to him being loud and happy. But now he has that serious look on his face, and he's being silent. Maybe he's just listening. "Something Wes likes too. He seems to love Ella, he should love Cash's name too even if he can't say them yet."

He perks up a little at the sound of his name but only enough to turn and smile at her.

"I think I like the name Addison."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. Pretty." It is but she's not sure she likes it. "But you don't like it."

"It's fine. I just...it doesn't fit." And apparently her baby Ella thinks the same thing because there's a well placed kick to her rib, toes pushing it out, making it ache. She stops, presses two fingers back against her until she eases up.

"You okay?"

"Momma momma." And it's two sets of eyes staring back at her. Matching expressions adorning their faces. Brows furrowed in the same way. Both concerned for her and she really wishes she had her phone right now because they look identical.

"I'm fine guys, just Ella being Ella."

"We can head back if you need to."

"No, I'm okay for a little longer." She's not in pain, just uncomfortable and maybe her back hurts just a little but she's actually enjoying this and she doesn't want to give it up just yet. So she rejoins her boys, one arm around Castle, the other stroking over the now active babies in her stomach. Cash kicking against her sister and Peanut using her ribs as a jungle gym.

"Okay, but five more minutes and we head back." She doesn't argue with him, knowing he means well and she is getting tired of walking, her body wanting to just rest.

"Till then, any more names?"

"Plenty. Helena...no, I take it back, sounds awful with Hanna."

"Birds of Prey?" She knows it is without asking. "Come on Castle, we can be more original than that."

"There's always something classy...like Charlotte."

"Charlotte huh? That's what you got?" He gives a nod, almost as if he's ashamed but he shouldn't be because honestly, she likes it. And as she rolls it around in her head, she decides she might like it just enough.

"I just thought it was nice." She offers a smile, trying to show him that it is before she starts talking to their son. Asking him silly little questions just to hear his babbled replies. She catches some words, knows his vocabulary is expanding at a pretty fast rate for his age and it makes her chest swell with pride. Their miniature wordsmith. Like father, like son.

He's quiet the rest of their walk. For half of the way back and she wonders if maybe her teasing got to him but he looks relaxed, not worried at all and she knows her mind is making something out of nothing. It doesn't help that one of her daughters is still pushing into her side, causing an unpleasant amount of pressure that spreads around to her back.

It grows, building into an ache and then she's stopping, clutching at the back of Castle's shirt as he tries to keep going up the hill, the house in sight. She just needs a minute. She whispers to her stomach, pushing hard at her side.

"Come on, Ella, what are you doing?" But it's not only Ella moving around right now. Cash rolls, or does some weird tumbling thing that has her sister climbing higher and Kate feels something pop, a snap of pressure that leaves her searching for air. Sucking it in and stumbling forward to catch up with her family. "Castle,"

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't look okay."

"Thanks, you sure know how to charm 'em." A sharp ache resides in the middle of her back, a pulse of pain next to her spine and she doesn't really know what just happened but she can still feel it. "Fine, Ella just kicked against my side and I swear I can feel it in my back."

"Let's get this little guy inside, then maybe I can do something to help." She knows he's talking about a massage, laughs just a bit at the thought of his wandering hands when he tosses a wink her direction. She knows exactly how this will end.

But it doesn't. Because in a five minute time span, just long enough to get inside and have Wes toddling off towards Alexis, the discomfort starts to grow. A pang of pain, the stab of it, the heat flooding into her back. She can feel it. Something isn't right. She reaches for Castle's hand, tugs him off to the side, pulling him through the house, not offering an explanation until they're in their room and then she's spinning around.

She struggles, trying to pull up her shirt but she's too pregnant to accomplish it. She's sure she looks ridiculous with her arms reaching behind her and then he's helping. Lifting the hem, knowing what she's trying to do.

"Something's hurting."

"What do you - oh, uh Kate..." She doesn't like the softness of his voice, the slightly panicked shake to her name. And then she feels his fingers caress up her spine, spanning out to the side and something white-hot flashes through her when he presses. A disgruntled cry falling from her lips, her back arching away from his touch. "It's red and swelling."

"Wha-"

"We should go to the hospital." She wants to shut him up, keep him talking, ask him questions like what it looks like and to please stop touching it because even though he's being gentle, it still hurts. It's sensitive, warm, achy.

"I think I'll be okay, Castle it just...throbs." But a part of her knows that he'll fight her on this. He does.

* * *

She's tired. She's cranky. And her back still aches, it's no longer a sharp burning pain but a dull uneasy ache that makes her want to crawl into bed and never leave. She doesn't want to be in the car anymore. Not after waiting in the Emergency room and dealing with a cold handed nurse poking around at her or the concerned doctor who pushed at it way too hard for her liking. She's done with everything for the day. Doesn't want to talk. Doesn't want to do anything. She wants to be home. The house where their son is currently entertaining his big sister and the bed that is calling to her. That's where she wants to be. Where they almost are.

"You sure it feels better?"

"Castle, stop asking." It does, it still hurts but it feels a lot better than it did. By the time they'd made it to the hospital, she couldn't even lean back against the seat and leaning forward wasn't comfortable either with her rounded stomach in the way.

"Can you feel them moving, are they -"

"Castle!" She's done. With everything and sadly that includes his questions. He was there for crying out loud. When they strapped her up with machines to monitor the babies, examined her as if she were some strange new specimen on their table to be poked and prodded at. The girls are fine. Rambunctious little troublemakers. "You heard the doc, I'm great, girls are great."

"Kate, I know you're grumpy but -"

"I'm not grumpy." She is. She knows it. "I just - I didn't even know that was possible. That she could do that - hurt like a bitch."

"You're definitely grumpy. You're cursing in front of the girls."

"Well excuse me for just getting my rib popped back into place because _your _daughter decided to play soccer with it."

"Why are the kids only mine when they do something wrong?" She turns toward him, narrowing her gaze and giving her head a slight shake. He can't be serious. And then she notices the frown, the line that forms when his brow pinches together. Oh. He's actually serious.

"Because that's when they're acting like their father."

"Maybe you should just go lie down." Sounds perfect to her. Out of the way and secluded in their bedroom. She's back to being annoyed by everything and now he's become one of those things by default. Even the way he parks annoys her, the fact that he backs in as if he's prolonging their time in the vehicle. She wants out. And then how he tries to correct his crooked parking by putting it in drive, pulling forward just a few feet only to put it in reverse and try it again. Straightening the wheel, keeping the tires set on the same path. She slams her head back against the seat.

"Castle just park the car." He kills the engine as soon as she spits it out. And if she were still capable of fleeing a car in a split second, she would have. Now it takes a little more time, her hand reaching for the bar up top as leverage as she shoves the door open, sets one foot out on the ground. That's as far as she gets before he's at her side, helping her with a hand at her back.

Why is he so damn helpful when she doesn't want him to be? He ushers her inside, a thumb rubbing low on her spine, easing her through the door. Bypassing the living room he takes her straight to the bedroom, even leaving the lights off as they step closer to the bed that's calling her name. A siren song she's going to answer. And then he's pulling back the blankets, leaving her standing there and she crosses her arms, pokes back at Ella when she pushes up against her, unhappy with the new weight.

"Did you just growl at me?" Did she? She doesn't know but she probably did. "Somebody is a grumpy gills."

"Seriously?"

"Wes and I were watching Finding Nemo before you woke up." It's a lame excuse but she finds it a bit adorable. Enough so that she's biting at her lips to keep herself from smiling. "I'm gonna go fill Alexis in and put Wes to bed, you good?"

"Yeah." She knows she'll be fine. And as soon as he's out the door, she relaxes her arms, strips out of the pants she's been wearing for far too long, doesn't even bother with her shirt or anything else. She just crawls in, curls up on her side and tries to get comfortable. First a sunburn and now this. She's never coming on vacation ever again. At least not pregnant.

She closes her eyes, breathes out through her nose and replays the day in her head. The walk on the beach. The names Castle rattled off. The ones she likes. She hears something soft, a light padding across the floor. Tiny clumsy feet. And then a hand on her face, fingers curling into her skin.

"Momma, momma..."

"Hey," She lifts her lids, gazes into his round face - lit dimly by the lamp in the corner of the room. He pushes up toward her, digging his knees into the side of the mattress, trying his best to join her and she gives a sigh of defeat. Knows that she can't tell him no when he's like this. She brushes a kiss to his head, reaching down with one arm to pull him up and regrets it immediately when her back cries in protest.

But she manages, with him climbing and her pulling, he makes it up onto the bed, his body stretching out next to her as he cuddles himself around her stomach, face pressing into her chest.

"S'okay little Cub." She lets him snuggle, saying nothing when Castle comes back into the room with an ice pack in his hand and the pills the doctor gave her for pain. She doesn't want them. She's okay. She just wants him to stop fussing over her, she wants to sleep.

"I see you found our child."

"He can sleep in here tonight." He doesn't shake his head, doesn't say no, doesn't try to argue at all and she wonders if it's because he's worried she'll snap at him. She's awful when she's moody and aching.

And just when she thinks it couldn't get any worse, she feels the first jolt - the first jerk of her stomach followed quickly by another and then another. The flare of fire it sends through her back. The way she winces, curls herself into her son has Castle at her side in seconds, pushing the hair that's fallen from her ponytail out of her face.

"Kate?"

"Hiccups. They have the hiccups." And even though it's uncomfortable right now, making the ache worse, she's not mad about it. "Cash...Cash has the hiccups."

"Do you need -"

"Finish that sentence and you won't be sleeping in here Castle. I'm fine, the girls are fine but if you want to help, maybe you can climb in behind us and hold the ice pack?" She poses it as a question, sees the smile that pulls at his lips and then he's rounding the bed, crawling in and she hears him chuckle when her stomach shakes again. Feels his hand press over their lazy bum.

With his breath at her ear, and Wes patting her swollen belly she decides that maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe the day wasn't such a waste. And then he's pressing the ice pack into her bare back, a whispered curse slipping between her lips at the cold sensation that sends a hard shiver through her body. It makes her son giggle, brings her back from her grumpy state of being and into the moment they're creating. With Wes wrapped around her front and his father at her back. An ice pack chilling her inflamed skin and Cash hiccuping, the movement both heartwarming and unpleasant right now.

"Maybe you -"

"I'm not taking the pills, don't even try."

"Wasn't going to. I was going to say that maybe in the morning, you could try the massage setting in the shower." And even though he's been hovering, and she's been cranky, she cracks a smile. Let's the words drift out as she closes her eyes.

"Have I mentioned how much I love you lately?"

**a/n: Next chapter = Wes' second Halloween but the first time he gets to dress up. ;)  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: No. Just no.  
**

**A/N: So this chapter decided to fight me. And I've had a horrible day so maybe that's why. On a happy note: this story has 500 reviews! OMG guys, THANK YOU SO MUCH.  
**

It's been a good day - evening - and she's content in the knowledge that their little one had a nice time even if they didn't leave the building. Castle was right, his neighbors and tenants on lower levels absolutely adored their Cub. He's actually dressed as a bear cub. Ears and all - though he's pushed the hood back and it now rests on the back of his neck. His feet looking like light brown tiny paws and she even painted his nose black with her eyeliner. Her Cub in the arms of her...well...her writer. He didn't dress up which she almost questioned but she's not dressed up either. Not really a whole lot of options with twin girls expanding her stomach to make her resemble a whale. Maybe that's her costume.

There's a bucket dangling from her hand, filled with chocolate goodies that she has a feeling Castle is more excited about than Wes. Although their son is sporting a chocolate beard at the moment, a piece still melting in his hand as he chews. Maybe he's just as excited as his father - they're both Castle's and the rambunctious child does seem to take after him.

She rests the candy on the kitchen counter and reaches out to ruffle her son's hair. He grins at her, swings his legs against Castle's side and shoves the last piece of his chocolate into his mouth, all of his fingers spreading the melted goo around on his face. Pushing it up to mix with the now smeared black of his nose. The little bear is officially a sticky gooey mess. She presses a kiss to his head, avoids the chocolate before she gives Castle the same treatment, carding her fingers through his hair, cradling his ear with her palm and laying her mouth against his jaw.

"He can be your buddy tonight, mess and all."

"I think he wants more." She knows he does, watching as he points his hand at the bucket, trying to stretch his body in the same direction, thinking he can reach if he tries just a little harder. "You want some more, little man?"

"No. He's had enough for the night."

"Momma's being a meanie, she says no."

"Castle, he's had three Hershey kisses in the last ten minutes. He'll survive." Of course, she knows that her Cub doesn't see it the same way. He's grunting, trying to kick away from his father and just reach the bowl of treats. She pats his back, steps between him and the counter. He narrows his eyes, brow furrowing and lip pouting. She's seen it enough that she can stand her ground, tell him no. And then he makes a sound in the back of his throat, a low rumble and she glances from him to his smirking father and back again.

"Okay, little Cub. I think that's definitely enough. You're being cranky." He does it again, reaching out to grab her shirt with chocolate covered fingers. She just thought she'd get away unscathed by his mess. "No, Wes. Stop growling."

"He gets that from you."

"He does not." And she doesn't even need to look up to know that he's staring at her in disbelief. A look that she gives him more often than not. She knows just by the way he grows still, no longer swaying with their son. And maybe she knows because he's telling the truth. She does tend to growl sometimes. Early mornings on her days off when Castle tries to wake her. She's not a morning person when she's pregnant. She's not really much of a morning person at all without coffee. "Okay, maybe he does."

"Maybe?"

"Don't push it, I have a surprise for you and I'd hate to take it away before you even know what it is." She untangles the hand in her shirt and maneuvers around the counter, into the kitchen. Heading for a specific cabinet. She reaches in, gets out the carton shaped box and hears her husband's confused stuttering. "No. Not Goldfish, though I know you love them too. These are for Wes."

She doesn't even have to ask, Castle just knows the routine - strapping the bear into his highchair and talking him down as he struggles to get out. Their son hates being confined. Always has and she doesn't understand why. He doesn't like the tray that snaps in front of him, always slams his palms against it until she steps closer, tries to soothe him with a calm tone. Sometimes it works, other times not so much. But right now, her partner is working magic, resting his palm on top of the boys head, rubbing his thumb over his temple and it works, calms him immediately.

"I don't know why he hates that thing so much."

"Mother says I was the same way, don't remember it though and I think she just makes stuff up sometimes." Kate rolls her eyes, get a cloth from the drawer next to the stove to wipe the chocolate away.

"You know you miss her." They both do. It's quiet without her - well as quiet as it can be with their mini Tarzan running around - and Kate knows that her writer misses having Martha breeze in, lighten up the room with her tales and her wisdom. Even though he's been going on and on for days about how nice it is to have sex wherever they want when Cub is napping and not worry about anyone catching them. To which she always shoots down with the fact that his mother and daughter have keys and she's heavily pregnant and not up to his sexcapades.

Kate joins her little family, Castle at her side and her son in front. She gently wipes at his cheeks, and even washes the black from his nose. Wes doesn't fight her on this, knows that his face has to be clean but he still tries to pull his hands away when she rubs the cloth over his fingers. He just wants the crackers tucked beneath her arm, one hand already reaching.

As soon as he's relatively free of chocolate, she gives him a hand full of the cheesy delicious little fish, popping a few in her mouth before she puts them back in the cabinet. He's already diving in, fingers chasing the fish as they swim away from him when his palm smacks down in the middle of the pile. A frown on his face and a cranky cry tumbling from his lips. She smiles, cuddles her body into Castle's side as she leans her head against his shoulder.

"I think Halloween got the best of him."

"He's just like Momma, gets cranky too easily." She can't even be mad at him for saying it because it's true. She gets fed up with the tiniest things and right now, their Cub is doing the same. Fussing as he gets a few of the fish between his fingers, only to have most of them fall away before he gets them up to his mouth. "So, what is this surprise that you have for me?"

"You know how you've been bugging me for weeks about painting my stomach to look like a pumpkin?"

"And you say no every single time even though it would be adorable." She turns her face into him, nips his shoulder, catching the fabric of his shirt between her teeth to get his attention. And then she releases, trails a hand up his spine.

"I thought about it and you've been really good to me, to all of us. You've put up with my mood swings and my cravings and you're an amazing father to our kids - so I suppose I'll let you do this." She feels it, the excitement that bubbles in him, makes his muscles tense as he reaches to pull her into his chest, not caring about the stomach that gets in the way. "Wait, there are a few rules."

"Of course."

"This never leaves our bedroom. No one knows but us." He's already nodding and she has a feeling that he's not actually listening, that he's too enthused about the idea of using body paint to make her abdomen look like a giant orange blob. Why is she agreeing to this, again? And then he smiles, leans in to nudge his nose into hers and she remembers. "And no clothes."

"Even better."

"For you. No clothes for you. Those are my demands - in our bedroom and you have to be naked." She knows the moment he caresses her mouth with his own, swipes his tongue along her bottom lip that he's more than okay with her rules. She knew he would be.

"Momma," A tired voice breaks them apart. "Momma momma."

Cranky and tired. The little bear in his chair is rubbing his eyes with one hand, shoveling snacks into his open mouth with the other. She won't be surprised a bit if he falls asleep eating his crackers.

"Hey Cub, you almost ready for bed?" He stops chewing, stops rubbing at his eye and stares up at her for a moment and then he slowly shakes his head. Something new he's learned that she almost wishes he hadn't because every single thing she asks him, he shakes his head no at her. "Daddy's gonna give you a bath and then it's bedtime."

Another shake of his head and this time, it's Castle that jumps in.

"Sorry little man, but I got a date with Momma so I need you to cooperate." She lets out a huff - almost a laugh - and kisses them both on the cheek. There's no way their boy is going to go easy on him. She knows how he gets when he's too tired. They'll be lucky if it doesn't take another two hours to put him down for the night.

But her husband's optimism is cute.

* * *

"Maybe we shouldn't do it here." She's not backing out. She's not. Even though he's now looking at her as if she is. He's kneeling on the bed in the buff and all she's thinking about is the orange tube of paint in his hand and their _white _sheets. And how ridiculous this is, and maybe the fact that he talked her into shedding her clothes too so they wouldn't end up with body paint smeared over them. Although, she's pretty sure he couldn't care less about the well being of her clothing. "The sheets are white, Castle."

"And this is washable." She knew it. Knew he wasn't serious when he palmed his way up her back, unfastened the bra with a flick of wrist and said it was for the greater good of her underwear collection.

She arches an eyebrow at him, says nothing as he situates himself between her thighs, her legs circling around his waist as she makes herself comfortable. Well as comfortable as she can get with the pillows propped against the headboard and the pregnant belly taking over her body. Twenty-seven weeks and she's a hot air balloon.

The first touch is cold, makes her yelp and cover her mouth in embarrassment as he smooths a drop of bright orange right over her navel. She can't believe she's letting him do this. But he looks so proud that he's wore her down, got her to agree to something this childish. She really wouldn't mind pushing him back, wiping that smirk off his face with a flick of her tongue but she won't. She can't. She doesn't get around very quickly on a mattress anymore. She can't just push herself up and jump him. It now takes thinking, a few slow moves that give him time to counterattack, so she bites her lip, let's him have his fun.

Watches as her stomach goes from a tan patch of skin to an orange round globe. She's already regretting this. She looks like a huge basketball. That's not very attractive and yet he's leaning in closer, inspecting his work with a critical eye that makes her squirm as his thumb traces over her belly button again.

"You know it's adorable, the half moon." She doesn't know what he's talking about until he pokes at it, and one of their girls pokes back. Pushing up from inside of her, forcing her skin to move. He smiles, strokes over the orange coating on her stomach as Ella moves again. "One side sticks out further, so it looks like a crescent moon."

She hasn't actually been paying much attention to it. It's just her navel but apparently he has. Her weird and crazy man. But now she's looking, craning her neck to see and she admits that he's right. This insane writer of hers - the man she married, the father to the kids she's mothering - is absolutely right. And absolutely turning her on without even trying.

"You're supposed to be painting a pumpkin, not playing peek-a-boo with Ella and scrutinizing my navel." Every time she feels the little one move, Castle sees it, follows the path with his fingers.

He wiggles his eyebrows, ignores her warning tone and goes about his business of being up in her business. Smearing more paint over her skin, dipping down to gently press against Cash. He's playing with them. It takes her a moment to realize it but he is. One hand chasing after a Peanut that's now pushing around, kicking off against her ribs and now he's pushing his fingers against their other daughter. She's been moving more lately, finally battling it out with her sister for space.

It leaves Kate feeling like she's a casualty in their war but now Castle is intentionally waking them, wanting to feel them move and she can always tell when he does. When Cash finally kicks or elbows and a smile lights up in those warm blue eyes. She can feel the second Cash comes to life, the way she wiggles but he doesn't. It's only when their babies stretch out against the confinement of her body that he can feel them.

"Are you really waking them up?" He nods, leans down to rest his lips over an inch of skin that isn't yet covered in bright orange. She loves when he does this, when he lets his words flow against her stomach - his voice becoming soft and rich.

"Hey there, Cash, time to wake up." Both of their girls move at the same time, almost as if they want to be closer to him, closer to the voice that Kate's in love with. Her daughters must love it too. They love their father's voice and that's almost enough to have tears forming in her eyes, almost enough to turn this into something sentimental instead of playfully sexy. "I can't wait to meet you, lazy baby."

And now it's enough. She's no longer thinking about his naked skin against her own, or that he's already in the perfect position to take this to a whole different level of strange. As if the body painting isn't already taking it there. But now she's melting into the pillows, relaxing her thighs to rest limply over his as he moves over to Peanut.

"And you, are going to be just like your brother, a little wild one. Our Miss Ella Jo." He's something remarkable. She's lucky to have him and she knows it. She knows that he's one of a kind. The only man who will ever love her like this.

"Next year." He raises his head, eyes her curiously and she offers a watery smile before she finishes her thought. "Next year, Wes can be Green Lantern. I know you wanted it this year but he's so little and the bear cub was too good to pass up."

She's not sure why she's blurting it out now but it just seems like the right time. Even if his hands are orange and in mid reach of the black paint that comes next. It just seems right that she lets him know she didn't just shoot down his Halloween idea - that their boy will get his day as a superhero. And she knows that it'll be a challenge with three kids but they'll make it work. They've got this.

"Okay. Okay, next year." He doesn't ask anything, doesn't question why she's telling him right now when they playfully argued for two days over what their son would be for his first Halloween or that they ended up settling it with a game of Rochambeau.

He just continues his painting, wiping his hands against the sheets, not even caring about staining them before dabbing the black on his fingertip, making triangular eyes for the jack-o-lantern he's turning her stomach into. Ella kicks, makes him smear the black across in a streak that connects the eyes as if he meant to paint glasses.

"You didn't think about them moving so much when you thought this up, did you?" She knows he didn't by the look of surprise on his face, the determination that sets his jaw as he steadily moves on to the nose. It tickles a little and she squirms, moving her hips and making him groan. She's not sorry a bit for the way he bends, bites at a rather sensitive spot along her side, his chin getting covered in orange.

She stifles a laugh, pushes at his head until he raises up, flashes his teeth at her and tries to paint a mouth over Cash. Kate feels her move, stretching, making her stomach move as soon as he touches it. Their babies aren't cooperating. Neither one of them and she already loves them so much, it's impossible to love them any more but if she could, this moment would be the cause of it.

"C'mon Cash, you should be on my side."

"I think our little Charlie doesn't like that you're painting on Momma." He stills above her, eyes lifting to meet with hers and she's barely holding back a smile, barely keeping herself in check.

"Charlie?"

"You love the name Charlotte, and I do too. I think it's pretty. I thought we could call her Charlie for short. And it fits with Hanna, Char-" He cuts her off with a press of his mouth to hers, something hot and insistent. Burning. Sending a wave of fire crashing over her, sizzling beneath her skin as he rubs a hand from her knee to her hip. She can feel the paint smear, doesn't even care. The name still floats out between them - his voice instead of hers, ghosting over her lips.

"Charlotte Hanna."

"You kept saying it in your sleep." That's how she knew it was one he really cared about. One he loved. A name that he'd like to use for their daughter. And she's so grateful for him, for the way he is, the person he is that she's unable to find anything better. He thinks so too. She can tell by the fingers stroking up the inside of her thigh, the hand resting on her hip. "Castle, if you plan on painting, you really need to stop."

"I think we're done painting."

It's not just their sheets that end up covered in orange and black. It's all over their hands, stained into their skin, knees, elbows, her chest, his stomach from where it brushed over hers with every slow and sweet thrust. And when they leave the mattress for a shower, she realizes it's streaked across his ass, perfect reminders of where her hands just couldn't stay away. She doesn't say a word about it.

**a/n: Because I couldn't resist.  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:...nope.  
**

**A/N: For Brittany cause she's sick and I'm hoping this makes her day a little less miserable. I hope everyone enjoys.  
**

Honestly, she hates this. The way she feels about being out in public right now, with people staring as she slips in behind Castle, squeezing passed him to check the other side of the rack, her stomach pressing into his back for a few seconds. A row of nothing but pink pans out in front of her when she makes it through the tight space. It's not that she hates shopping - because she doesn't. She actually really likes hunting for baby clothes, picking out things that her daughters are going to wear and snagging a few things for the baby she already has waiting back at home. Her big boy.

He's starting to get picky about things. Only a year old and he's shaking his head no and pushing her away more times than not when she tries to dress him. He seems to like certain shirts more than others. The ones with Disney characters or the ones that button. He likes those. And he seems to have a thing for shoes, he definitely gets that from her.

Though she's not too invested these days. Heels are hell to wear pregnant and she's been living in her pair of Chucks when they're out. A simple pair of black flats for work. She prefers her converse, they're comfier. Although today, her back and legs are just aching no matter what she does so it doesn't even matter that her shoes are comfortable. These babies are taking a huge toll on her body. Pushing against things that shouldn't be pushed against. Compressing nerves that leave her in pain but at least they're still healthy. Still growing. Strong and stubborn.

Her fingers glide from outfit to outfit, a skirt of pink tulle that she skips over, a soft sleeper in purple with green stars that catches her eye. The warmth of it in her hands. She's already pulling it from the rack, laying it over her arm with the Finding Nemo shirt she found for Cub. As far as children's movies go, she actually kind of likes that one. It's cute and her son will actually sit still for more than five minutes. He points at the screen, says 'fish' over and over.

But she really hates this. Not the shopping, not the making memories with her writer. Just the fact that the sales people are nosy, staring at them as if they're the only ones in the store and she'll admit it's almost true. There are only two other people browsing. Separately, so maybe they're watching because she's here _with_ someone. It's still rude.

"What about this?" She looks up, finds her husband smiling from behind a tiny pink and purple dress, spaghetti strapped and clearly for summer months. "For Ella?"

It's actually cute. Adorable even and she won't say no. She can't. Not when he's excited and she can feel their Peanut pushing from inside. Kate takes is as a sign that their daughter likes it too. Ella making her opinion known - though she knows it's a ridiculous thought because the baby can't see the piece of clothing and has no preferential taste when it comes to fashion. Still, she finds comfort in it.

"Castle, they're going to be winter babies." She watches the smile fall, a frown replacing it. He doesn't seem to understand that she's not saying no. She's not shooting him down, she's just making a point. "Just go up a couple sizes, okay?"

"We're getting it?"

"It's cute and I think Ella will look adorable in it. Get two, one for Cash."

"You're going to put them in matching clothes? They're identical Kate, we'll never figure out which one is which." She arches an eyebrow at him as if she can't even believe such a thing is coming out of his mouth. Although if she's being completely honest, it's a deep rooted fear that she'll mix them up and never know.

"I'm not going to match them all the time but I think it'd be cute for family pictures." She can't believe she's become this woman. The one baby clothes shopping and talking about family portraits as if it's something they do everyday. But it is. They're a family every single day. She wakes up in the loft, generally to breakfast or snuggling. Sometimes more _intense _touching if their son oversleeps. Not often. They're usually pulled from bed before seven every morning.

She doesn't mind but lately, Castle lets her sleep - takes Wes out for father/son time so it's quiet when she finally wakes. She just can't wait until her girls are here too - till she feels human again and not like a bloated scientific experiment. She wants her body back - knows it will never be the same - but she wants it back to herself. Doesn't feel like sharing anymore because they're getting too big, and she remembers being miserable with Wes but nothing like this. Her back didn't ache nearly as bad, her feet didn't swell like they do now and she wasn't the size of a weather balloon.

Okay, maybe she's exaggerating a bit. Her doctor even tells her that she's lucky she's not bigger by now, that she's still on the smaller end of the scale when it comes to carrying multiples. She just doesn't feel like it. Especially now when Castle is eying her curiously, gaze raking over as she pulls a few more outfits from the rack.

"You okay?" His words startle her, the hushed tone, the privacy he's invoking.

"M'fine, why?"

"You spaced on me, I asked you if you wanted something to eat and you didn't even notice."

"Sorry, just thinking. Food sounds great." It always does. She eats more now, all sorts of things. Snacks, fruits which happen to be her weakness and she's been really wanting watermelon. She's hungry, it takes him asking for her to actually realize how much she wants to eat.

He's the one who takes the items she's draped over her arm, the one who heads for the counter with his wallet already in hand and she almost follows - almost accompanies him but her eye catches on a stuffed dog tucked away in the corner and she's left stuck to the floor, feet no longer moving. The dog thing has been gnawing at her for weeks. And everywhere she turns there's a puppy or some reminder of one. Castle hasn't asked for awhile. He's probably given up and she should be happy about that. She is.

That's what she's telling herself but she's huffing out a sigh, frustrated and slightly annoyed at herself for doing this. She's already made her up her mind, she's hormonal and making quick decisions based on the fact that her partner is still here. Still by her side, pushing even when she shoves back against him, tries to hide. He still married her. Fathered her children and that's enough to have her rolling her eyes, muttering under her breath about how she really doesn't want a dog right now but _he does_.

Something hard smacks into her, sends her stumbling but an arm reaches out, grabs her elbow before she can fall. She expects Castle's face when she looks up but it's not him. It's the guy that's been staring at her. The one who works here but his name tag and somewhat friendly smile don't make her feel any more comfortable.

"Sorry." His cheeks are flushed, as if he's truly embarrassed so she gives him the benefit of the doubt. Pushes her unease away as she pastes a polite smile on her face and pulls her arm back into her side.

"Don't worry about it."

"I just - you're really pretty and I got distracted." And she's back to being creeped out. Doesn't care if it offends him anymore when she takes a step back, twists around to find Castle. "How far along are you?"

"Look, I'm not -" An arm around her waist cuts her off, makes her melt into the side belonging to her familiar writer. The man she's here with. He's tense, she can feel it.

"Hey _honey_," Oh and he's jealous. She has to bite her lip, hide her smile at the pet name. They don't use them. But she has before - once - when she was set on marking her territory and this is his payback for it. The way he pulls her closer, eyes the man in front of them. It shouldn't be as amusing as it is. Shouldn't be so arousing either.

"Hey, you ready to go?" A sharp nod is the only reply she gets, and she tries to be a bit nicer about the way they leave, the exit they make so she offers the guy an awkward smile before they step out of the store. She's not sure why he gave her the creeps but he did and she feels her entire body relax as soon as they're out. "That was just weird."

"A guy hitting on you is weird? Since when?"

"Since I'm rather round and obviously carrying someone's baby - _babies_."

"You're still a gorgeous woman." She scoffs at him, shoving at his shoulder for the comment but he's grabbing her wrist, holding it in place and dragging both of them to a stuttered stop.

A look of disbelief flashes across his face and she wonders what she said to cause it. And then he's pushing at her, gently turning her until she's staring at a window - mannequins in dresses and slacks fill her vision and she doesn't get it. Not until he steps around behind her, hands on her hips - the bag of clothes slaps at her thigh - and his voice floods into her ear.

"Just look, Kate, you can't tell me that you're not beautiful." She admits she looks nice today. Her clothes fitting well over the twins and she even took the time to apply her makeup and fix her hair but something tells her that they aren't noticing the same things. When one of his hands moves to cover the swell of her abdomen, she knows this is about to get way too personal for public.

She tries to move away, he chases her, catches her and she hisses at him. Reminds him that they're in public and people are going to stare. He doesn't care. She knows he doesn't but she does and it's weird that they're watching their own reflections in the glass.

"Castle,"

"Look," His palm strokes over their daughters, Ella kicking back against him and she admits that it brings a smile to her face when he kisses her ear, whispers the next words into her. "I love this. Every part of you that's changed, I love all the more. You may feel like you're huge and I know you're uncomfortable ninety percent of the time, but Kate, I love every bit of you. The growing belly, the way you smell now, something light and musky - a hint of cherry still."

She flushes, closes her eyes.

"No, don't do that, I want you to look. I need you to see what I see." She does as he tells, opens her eyes once again and doesn't fight him too hard when his thumb skims the underside of her breast. A little too close for public. "Everything about you, the fact that our daughters are making you change. You're softer."

She frowns at the word choice and he quickly explains.

"Emotionally. The way you are with our son and these two."

"Castle, we're in public and this is really sweet and all but -"

"Fine." He backs away, steps out of her space and she breathes out a heavy sigh. Relaxing and reaching for his hand, twining her fingers around his as they resume their pace. "But tonight, in front of the mirror, I'm going to show you and explain every little thing that drives me crazy."

She falters, her breath catching in her lungs because she knows the husk underlying his tone. Knows she'll end up bare of clothing while he does this and she actually means it this time when she beams at him and sets the words free.

"Looking forward to it."

* * *

She doesn't know what she's actually here for or how she managed to end up here at all. She tugs her lip between her teeth, chewing it as she reaches in to stroke her fingers over the softness. Something wet pushes into her palm, makes her chuckle when warm loving eyes stare up at her. She's actually doing this. She knows it's crazy and impulsive but she's doing this. For Castle.

She's a bit surprised he fell for her lie so easily, her use of Lanie and girl time to get out of the loft only hours after they'd made it home. But she's grateful he didn't push because she's terrible at keeping a surprise to herself and she really want this to be a good one. One he doesn't see coming.

"Hey there, you're pretty cute." The pup sticks out his tongue, runs it over her fingers and she smiles softly down at it. The spots covering the face and the paws pushing it's little body up higher, trying to reach more of her. She melts. She can't believe she's doing this. That she's really getting a puppy when they already have a house full and are fixing to welcome twins into the world. She's crazy. It's the only explanation she's got but she's doing it. She's lifting the little pup, a dalmatian that can't be very old. The little one doesn't weigh much, a bit small - maybe the runt.

She's crazy. She's lost her mind. She should be committed for thinking this is okay but she does it. She takes him. It's a boy and she thinks that's almost perfect considering their home is overrun in the female department. She makes herself hurry when she's trying to find things for him, wanting to get out of the store before she changes her mind. But she didn't really think this through. She's too pregnant to carry all of it. The dog bed, the food, the bowls - not to mention the squirmy pup in her arms. Although she's used to that because her son isn't really one to sit still.

She's at a loss of what to do with it all. Maybe she went a bit overboard. Does he really need a bed that big when he's so small? But he'll get big, he's a large breed. She justifies it, snaps a picture because there's no way she can carry anything more than the dog licking at her neck. She really didn't think this through. He'll be okay though.

She leaves with him in her arms, worrying over what to feed him until she sends Castle back for his food and other necessities. But for now this surprise will be enough. She smiles down the pup, the way he rests against her shoulder, nose buried in her hair and the paws resting on her swollen stomach.

She's getting into a cab when something pops, a loud boom of a car backfiring and the dog whines, squirming closer and trying to get away all at the same time. She chuckles, cuddles him, scratches at his ears as she rattles off her address.

"You don't like loud noises, little guy?" He raises his head, eyes soft and trusting. Blue. She didn't even notice but his eyes are blue. She seems to have a bit of a thing for blue eyed boys. "Not a fan of things that go boom, huh?"

She rolls it around in her head. Remembering when she was the same way. Scared and lost. Not so different from the canine she's taking ownership of. The scaredy cat of a pup. She scratches his ears, pets him until they reach home. Mulling over the fact that he doesn't seem to like loud noises. Things that go boom. Boom. Boomer.

She has some trouble getting in and out of vehicles, carrying a puppy doesn't make it any easier but she manages. She's getting excited. Wound up for the look that's going to take over Castle's face when he realizes what she's bringing into their home.

"Alright Boomer let's go surprise someone." He tilts his head, cocking it to the side as she carries him into the building. Almost as if he knows that she's just given him a nickname. Maybe even an actual name if Castle doesn't find something better. After all, it's technically _his_ dog. Not hers.

It's mostly quiet when she enters the loft. She can hear toys that sing annoying little melodies and keys clicking. They're writing, she knows before she even makes her way to the office, before she ever sets the dog down on the chair in the living room. He bounces to the floor, sniffs around in a circle before he wags his tail, thumps it against her leg and she's pretty sure she's going to regret getting him.

"Come on," She snaps her fingers, and as soon as she starts walking, he follows. Step for step until she makes her way into the office, catches site of her son with his little laptop right next to his fathers, seated comfortably in his lap - the toy singing about opposites - as Castle writes. She's found them in similar positions before. Her two Castle boys obsessed with their toys.

"Momma momma!"

"Hey big man, helping Daddy?" He's already climbing down, Castle's hand reaching to steady him as his feet hit the floor and he starts toddling for her, tripping over himself when he tries to change course last minute. She knows he's seen their newest addition. The pup investigating the office. He squeals, takes off for it in a sloppy job that knocks him off balance and she watches as Boomer ducks his tail, runs for her. Seeking shelter behind her legs.

"Easy Cub, you're scaring him."

"Kate," Finally he's noticed. She can tell before she ever looks up to catch his eyes locked on the pup that is now sniffing at their son. Tail starting to thump as he decides the boy is okay. "is that a puppy?"

"Seems to look like one. Barks and everything." He's out of his chair in a flash, almost suffering the same fate their son just did when he tripped and she wonders if their girls will be this easily excitable. She doesn't know how she's going to handle all of them. Or why she made it even harder for herself by getting a dog but the look that lights up both of her boys faces is worth the craziness that she knows is going to ensue.

A kiss presses against her cheek, warm and soothing, a brief second against her skin before his lips push into hers. She likes when he's like this. When she's surprised him and he's kissing her in reward. The tenderness, the way he cups a hand over her hip, thumb rubbing against the ache she suffers from on a daily basis.

"I know," She speaks into him, mouths still touching as she explains why their boy is trying to chew on their dog's ears. "it's not Cub's birthday anymore and it's not yours either but I...I thought it could be a late present. It's a boy. Been calling him Boomer cause he seems to be afraid of loud noises."

"Boomer?"

"Just for now. You can pick something else." He smudges another kiss across her lips and she can feel him smiling into it. She has a feeling their dog is stuck with the name.

* * *

Story time is her favorite moment of each day. She's not ashamed to admit to it. And tomorrow when she clips on her badge and heads to work, she still won't be. She's a mother first now. No longer reliant on her job to fill the voids in her life. She doesn't have many voids at all anymore. She doesn't really remember what it's like to not have Castle around. He's too embedded in her life.

And with her son curling into her side, cheek against her bump to mimic his father she's left with nothing more than a full feeling in her chest. Her boys, talking to her girls. Castle's voice low and soft as he spins a wild tale of CIA agents gone rogue and a heroic NYPD Detective who gets caught in the middle. It's not so wild though because something similar has happened before, but her kids never need to know that these are anything more than stories and that Daddy has a wild imagination.

"..but this detective, this hauntingly sexy -"

"Castle."

"They have no idea what it means just let me tell the story. Means beautiful by the way, Cub but given the choice, always go with the term beautiful. It's nicer." He reaches over, tickles at their son's cotton covered belly until he's a mess of giggles and gasps. She rolls her eyes at them, cards her fingers through Castle's hair as he kisses her skin, returns his hand to to the swell their daughters have created.

"It does not mean beautiful. It means sexually interesting, arousing, erotically -"

"And you get onto me for what I say in front of the kids?" She scoffs at him, tugs on his ear and gives it a little twist just to make him squirm. "Ow! I was making it Cub friendly, you're the one who took it too far."

He has her. He knows he's right. And she _hates _when he knows he's right. The smug grin, the way he looks up at her. The fingers that tease at her hip, slipping a little lower, making her arch an eyebrow in warning.

"Get back to the story Castle." He does, going on to spin a tale of espionage that makes her relax back into the pillows, sink into the mattress as Cash beats a steady rhythm against her from the inside. Kicks that she knows both of Castle and their son can feel. Wes always looks amazed when it happens, when he's lying with head against her and one of his sisters pushes out against him, not liking the pressure he creates. He stares, pokes at the spot with his fingers and grins when one or both of the babies react to it.

This time it's both. Peanut thumping and Cash stretching. Ella and Charlie both awake for family story time with their brother. And Kate feels like a human mattress. Castle and Cub against her stomach, babies moving inside and even the pup has joined them. His head on her breast as if that's the most comfortable spot on the bed. He's the first to pass out, his paw over his nose.

Not even five minutes later, it's Cub, rubbing at his eyes and snuggling his face into her ribs. She knows how this goes because it's an every night occurrence, he'll be asleep but Castle never leaves the story unfinished, always keeps going or reading until the next chapter if they decide on a book instead of just a tall tale.

And then they talk for a good hour before he ever takes their son upstairs to his own bed. This night, is different. Their son is quiet, there's a dog snoring and she's a bit taken aback by it. Of course she'd pick the puppy that snores. But Castle isn't moving much either, already lazily stretched out, one arms against her side, the other resting over her thighs, cheek on her belly.

"Castle?"

"Hm?"

"Are you falling asleep on me?" It's not even eight and she's going to be a bit disappointed if he does. She remembers him saying something about making her stand in front of the mirror while pointing out everything he loves. She's actually been looking forward to it. Knowing she'll be nude at the time and he'll be running his hands over her skin. "Castle?"

"No."

"You sure?" He mumbles something, breathes out a sigh against her and she knows in another ten minutes she'll be the only one awake. The seconds tick by, the thumb stroking her hip finally slowing to a stop and his shoulders relax. It's the first night she's not tired and every single inhabitant of their house suddenly is. Her fingers keep combing through his hair, her eyes landing on their little boy curled into her. What is she supposed to do now? She's not sleepy and everyone is sacked out.

Until Charlotte kicks and she's reminded that she's not completely alone. Another coming from Ella soon after.

"Looks like it's just us girls."

**a/n: There is now an M-rated fic called Imaginary Numbers that ties in with Number One and Two Hearts. If you want to check it out, then feel free. If that's not your thing, I understand.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle...I mean if I did I wouldn't complain that I've never met Stana. Just sayin.  
**

**A/N: So I put off updating for two reasons, 1) This leg of the Cub'verse is almost over. 2) I have the flu.  
**

She feels it before she hears anything - the dip of the mattress, the rustling of the sheets as she tries to pull them higher only to be met with some heavy weight holding them in place. She doesn't open her eyes. Not yet, she's too tired. But then a small warmth lands on her cheek, tiny fingers brushing her hair out of the way and she has no choice. She knows it's her son and the soft whisper telling him to be gentle belongs to her writer. Something delicious smelling fills the air and she knows that she's fighting a losing battle.

She forces them to open, meeting a matching pair and a grin. Bedhead and dinosaur footie pajamas. She reaches for him, tickling his belly and pulling him in for a hug as he giggles against her. As much as she loves mornings with her boys, she feels exhausted and she doesn't understand why she never heard her alarm. Until she tosses a glance at the clock. It's not even seven. Something close to frustration boils in her blood, lets it be known that she's not exactly pleased about being awake before she absolutely needs to be right now. But the smell of food, the warm cuddly boy nuzzled into her side makes it better.

"Castle, it's not even seven." He doesn't say anything, just smiles and leans in to press his lips into hers. She frowns, kisses him back with a nip to his mouth. She wants him to know she's not enthused about the wake up call.

He doesn't even complain, just helps her sit up and places the tray over her lap. Her mouth is watering, as soon as she sees the eggs and the toast with honey, she's done for. And maybe it's also the way he steals another kiss, hand at her jaw, lingering and brushing his tongue over her bottom lip before he pulls away.

"Happy Birthday, Kate." A heavy warmth settles in her chest, spreads out through her limbs and there's no way she can say anything about the early hour or that she's just a tad grumpy when he's looking at her like that. Those blue eyes expressing more love in a single stare than she can actually handle first thing in the morning. He's always been too much and absolutely just enough. "Thought you and the girls might appreciate a good breakfast before work."

"Thank you."

"Momma," She looks down at the boy against her side, smiles at the hand turning her cheek and the way he pushes himself up to push his mouth against hers in a sloppy kiss. "momma"

"And you're my little Cub." He always will be. That goes unsaid. "You want a bite?"

He's already reaching for the fork but she grabs it before he can make a mess of her plate. She knows better than to let him feed himself unless he's been stripped of clothing and in his highchair.

"Wait," She pauses mid stab of the fluffy scrambled eggs, arches an eyebrow in Castle's direction. Noticing for the first time that he's holding something and that their pup is seated at his feet, tail thumping and tongue hanging out. "Presents first."

"Castle,"

"They're from the kids." And she's glued to his words, letting him pass her a handmade card. Hand being the operative word in this case. Two prints outlined in crayon. One big and one little. One father and one son. It's better than any store bought card she's ever seen and she hasn't even opened it but there's a smile firmly in place when she does.

_Happy Birthday to the best mother and wife out there,  
to the very extraordinary woman who decided to finally  
admit to herself that she was in love with me. _

Well, the beginning was sweet. She'll give him points for that and an eye roll for the ending. And he gets extra bonus points for the scroll of his name and Weston's below it and for the crayon scribbles that cover the bottom half of the card. She knows those scribbles. The ones in purple and green. They belong to the boy trying to get at her food, his fingers grabbing at her toast.

"Cub wrote his own message, and signed his own name." She casts him a knowing look as their son bites into the honey covered treat. "Okay, I helped with his name but I swear it was mainly all him."

"Castle,"

"Oh and this," It's a box that appears from his palm. Plain black box. She knows it's jewelry. It's kind of obvious as he nudges it into her hands. "From the girls."

"They're still asleep." He rubs a hand over her stomach, caressing their babies hidden inside and trying to wake them all at the same time. She knows that playful smirk. He wants them kicking. And she does not. "Leave them be, they kept me up most of the night."

She snaps open the little box, only half paying attention to what's inside until her eyes catch the gleam of it, the shine. A necklace. And she's done. Fingers tracing over the two pearls tucked inside and she's choking back a wave of emotion. She will not cry on her birthday. But she almost is and nothing can stop it. Not even when sticky little fingers reach for the shiny object and she hears him whine when she pulls it away. Not even the cuteness of their son as his knee catches her in the ribs.

"Two peas in a pod, Castle?" And that's what it is, a silver heart pendant that says 'Mom' and two peas - pearls - nestled inside a safe little pod. Like her twins are nestled safely inside of her womb. Growing everyday and making her more uncomfortable with every hour that passes. But she's okay with that as long as they're healthy.

"Just seemed right." It's just the right amount of cheesy to be so romantically thoughtful that she doesn't want to go to work anymore. She wants to stay here, with her writer and their son and even the crazy pup that's trying to get up on the bed. Castle blocks him, doesn't let him jump and she knows it's because of the food.

"It's perfect." The card from her Cub, the jewelry, all of it. Even if it's early and her alarm hasn't sounded, even though the sun is just starting to rise and she's still tired, this might be one of the best birthdays. And she'd thought last year's was amazing. Being a mother for the first time and celebrating by watching movies cuddled on the couch. This is better. Even if she does have to work.

* * *

Her eyes are glued to the murder board, the timeline she's creating with the marker in her hand. Something is bound to slip out. There has to be something that doesn't add up. She's tired of this case. Days of running in circles. And she's mainly just tired of being here. She's hit the point in her pregnancy where she just wants to be home. Make sure the nursery is ready and all the clothes are hanging on tiny hangers in the closet. Which reminds her that she needs to pack bags for the hospital. And...focus. She needs to focus.

"You've been staring at it for an hour, Beckett."

"Castle. Espo, I'm a Castle." She knows she should just give it up. He'll probably always call her by her maiden name and she doesn't really mind but she's trying to establish herself as Detective Castle. He's not making it easy. "And something isn't right. I just need to find it."

"Would you at least sit down?" She turns to face him, narrows her eyes as he glances down at her stomach. He really is like an overprotective boneheaded brother sometimes.

"You know they aren't just gonna fall out of there because I'm standing up, right?"

"Don't say things like that." She smiles at the face he makes, the way he scrunches his nose in disgust. Even Ryan looks a bit grossed out by that one. His eyes wide. "I just think you should sit for a minute."

"Javi's right, you've been standing for -"

"Okay, really guys, you've been timing how long I stand?" The guilty looks on their faces is proof enough. And she's shaking her head, moving over to her desk just to appease them for a few minutes. Her hip isn't even hurting today - for the first time in months, it seems - and she's not worried about anything else. But clearly they are. And she's not up for arguing.

Also, Cash is pushing against her bladder just a bit and it's easier to just sit it out instead of standing. So she's not doing this just for them. She's not. Even if the smug smiles that appear on their faces say otherwise. They don't know that Charlotte is stretching out, trying to find more room in Kate's overcrowded stomach. They can't feel the pairs of feet kicking against organs or the elbows that jab with every move the babies make. She wishes they could. She really really wishes men were the ones to get pregnant because she'd love to see how well they could handle it.

She can already picture Castle refusing to leave the bed ever again because his back hurts. She stifles a laugh, doesn't want anyone to know where her pregnancy brain has taken her thoughts and forces her focus back onto matters at hand.

"What did you guys find?"

"Alibi checks out, he's not our guy." She already knew that. It didn't fit. Would have been too easy. But she's trying to think like Castle, trying to come up with some wild tale that shouldn't work but somehow does.

"I think we should talk to the vic's girlfriend again."

"And by we, you mean Javi and I because you're -" She cuts him off with a wave of her hand. A swift kick from Ella putting a frown of discomfort on her face.

"Just go. Don't rub it in."

"Want some food? We'll bring you back -"

"No need. I believe I have the lady's lunch in my hands." She spins in her chair, faces the man holding the bag in his hand and she could kiss him. Right here in front of everyone because she's been craving Subway and he's brought it to her and she's been thinking of the cookies all day. She just wants to bite into one, feel and taste the explosion on her tongue.

She's reaching for it before he ever sits down in his chair, tugging the sandwich from the bag and being hit with the smell of meatballs. Her heart drops in her chest. There aren't any cookies at the bottom. Nothing but napkins.

"Castle, where are the cookies?"

"The - I...didn't get any." She shoots him a look, doesn't even care that the boys see it or that Espo claps him on the shoulder and mutters a 'good luck' under his breath. She'll get him later. Right now she's more than a little upset over the lack of sweets.

"I sent you a text. I changed my mind about the sub and wanted chicken instead of the meatball and asked you to get...you didn't check your phone, did you?"

"No. I was in a hurry." She's not trying to be difficult. She isn't but she really doesn't even want the sandwich now. Even though she's hungry, she wants chicken and cookies. Maybe watermelon too but she's been craving that for days. "You're not gonna eat are you?"

"I'll eat." She will because her stomach is growling and the girls are getting restless. And she's remembering the way he woke her this morning and the presents he gave.

But really, isn't a rule to always get a cookie when you order a sandwich? So she eats, tries not to grumble too much about how it doesn't taste the way it should or that it's a bit too dry and that probably wouldn't have happened if he'd checked his messages and changed the order. She tries not to be too disappointed over baked goods.

"Alexis is staying over tonight. Says she has something important to tell me." Kate already knows what it is. Knows all about the boy and the proposal and it's been hard to keep it to herself but she has because it wasn't official. She had no clue what Castle's daughter had decided but something tells her that now she does. She knows.

"Hm. She bringing her boyfriend?"

"She mentioned him swinging by for breakfast in the morning." Yep. She knows. And she can't wait to see the look on her husband's face when he finds out that his daughter is engaged. "So, I know I forgot the cookies but if it makes it any better, you'll never guess what is waiting at home for you."

"That doesn't make it better because I have no idea what you're talking about." He wiggles his eyebrows, lifts a thumb to swipe a bit of sauce from her cheek. She hides her embarrassment by taking another bite. Eyes widening when he sucks his thumb between his lips and winks at her. He's in a playful mood. Despite her being upset over cookies, he's trying to purposefully annoy and arouse.

"I found watermelon. It's already cut up and waiting to be _devoured_." As soon as it slips off his tongue, she wants to go home. She wants it. She wants it and she wants his tongue. The way it rolls the word 'devoured' around as if it's coating it in something salacious. Dripping with a heated flavor that she really can't resist.

"Castle,"

"And I think as soon as we get home, you need to meet me in the bathroom, step out of those stuffy work clothes," She scoffs at him. Her clothes are not stuffy. "and stand in front of the mirror. I believe I owe you an _explanation _of sorts."

It still hits her in the chest. Hard and unforgiving. How much he loves. How purely he loves. She's carrying twins and stuffing her face and he's sitting here making suggestive comments about her. About losing clothing and touching freely. About giving her something more than just pleasure. She wants to know what he'll say. She wants to know what he loves about her body, how he adores it. Because she knows he won't lie and that's enough to have her wolfing down the rest of her sandwich, crinkling the paper into a ball and getting back to work.

She wants to go home. She has a date with a mirror and her husband.

**a/n: I love every person who reads this. True Story.  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Not owning it.  
**

**A/N: Another little moment. Next chapter is long and skips around some but it was the only way I could make it fit. So I hope you enjoy this one today and the next, tomorrow.  
**

This is hell. It has to be. She thought desk duty for months at a time was bad but this is just torture for someone who is used to being busy. Being in the action. And Castle hasn't made it any better. Day four of bed rest and she's done with it. She doesn't want to do it but she will. She'll do it because it keeps her daughters safe and her blood pressure down. Although she's sure her frustration doesn't do much for it but she'll do this because it's doctor's orders and she isn't risking the two little hearts that beat a rhythm similar to hers. She won't put her babies at risk. She'll stay in the bed for now. That doesn't mean she has to like it.

And she made that known to her husband before he left her here. To go be a writer, to attend some meeting thing that she has no real idea about because she was too busy not paying attention to him when he was talking about it. It's not her fault that Cash was kicking, sharp little jabs that had her more concerned with calming the baby inside her than listening to Castle ramble about how he didn't know if leaving her was such a good idea.

The most exciting part of her day is now moving to the couch for movies or getting up to go pee. Not exactly how she's envisioned her life. But it'll do for now. She's almost done with this pregnancy. Just a few more weeks. Okay, so it's seven more weeks but she can do this. She's on page fifty-one of her second book for today when she's interrupted by her son giggling, racing into her bedroom to climb his way up on the bed - only falling back twice before he manages. She doesn't know when her tiny baby became a tall little man but she swears his legs are longer than they were yesterday.

"Hey Cub."

"Momma!" It's the delighted squeal that has her dropping the book to the nightstand and then reaching out to pull him closer. He settles into her, toes wiggling and hands clenching in her shirt, pulling it down to expose one shoulder in his attempt to snuggle into her. She loves him when he's cuddly but this is accompanied by a wry little smile. Him hiding his face in her shoulder. She knows that look.

Knows before they're joined by a frowning redhead that her little boy isn't so sweet and innocent right now. Alexis is shaking her head as soon as she sees him, and Kate knows. Her son is a troublemaker like his father. Childish and curious. Two deadly combinations.

"Uh oh. What'd you do little Cub?"

"I'm making lunch and he's dragging out every single pan, he can get in the cabinets even with the baby locks on them."

"He learned that trick last week." And he's been so proud of it ever since. Anytime she takes her eyes off of him for more than a second he's clanging through their kitchen ware. "If you give him the big one, the one your dad uses for pasta. It'll keep him busy, he thinks it's a drum but I'll read to him for a little while, let you finish."

"Grilled cheese and soup okay for the day?"

"Sounds great, Lex."

"Are you sure you don't want me to take him? I'll let him be a drummer, it's not a big deal."

"I need some company." If she's stuck with little range of movement, she at least wants to have someone to talk to besides the puppy passed out across the end of the mattress. Even if it is her little Tarzan. The wild boy who seems to think his smile and big beautiful eyes can get him out of any predicament. Which isn't always the case. Though it is working right now. Because he's snuggling against her shoulder, knees against her side and those eyes - the mirror image of her own. Yeah, it's working.

"In that case, I'll be back with food."

"I can just come and get -"

"Nope. Dad said to make sure you rest."

"It's not that far, and I get up to go the bathroom anyway, I can make it to the kitchen. I'm pretty sure my doctor just means I can't be out walking around all over the city - I can make it through the loft." She can. But even Boomer is blinking at her now, as if he knows she shouldn't and Wes is patting her belly, rubbing at it as if he's reminding her why she's here and no longer able to go to work.

"I'd just feel better if you didn't. And Dad will disown me if he comes home to find you sitting in the kitchen."

"I'll sit on the couch." She's already moving, set on switching scenery, holding onto Wes' hand as he follows to the edge of the bed and swings his legs over the same way she does.

"Finding Nemo is on."

"That's fine." If the animated fish are supposed to deter her from the living room, they don't. She finds that she actually enjoys it, the innocence and the mind numbing cuteness of the film. And she's going no matter how much Alexis protests.

But she doesn't. She seems to just accept it and head back to the kitchen as Kate leads Wes over to the couch, his walking steadier and less wobbly than it was just weeks ago. He's getting too big. He needs to stop growing. She wants him to stay little and cuddly. She almost laughs when she thinks about it, smiling to herself as she realizes he's growing steadier in his steps and she's the one that waddles.

As soon as she's dropping down on the cushions, legs stretching out along the length and back pressing into the arm that Ella starts wiggling. Protesting so much movement and the fact that she's being compressed so tightly. It's a constant struggle. To get enough air into her lungs, to get comfortable with two babies expanding her stomach and four feet pushing into her ribs. With every kick she's just hoping all of her ribs stay in place because she doesn't want to go back to the emergency room when Ella decides to tap dance against her insides.

"I know you're uncomfortable in there Ella, but trust me, I think I have it worse right now little one." She strokes over the wild side, the rippling of her skin as her Peanut tries to find more room. There isn't any. Not with Charlie pressed so close to her sister. Their bodies now facing the same direction, feet pointed skyward. It's way too crowded and she's still measuring 'small' even though she _knows _she's huge. "Just a few more weeks. Then I can hold you both and you won't have to fight for space."

With Wes staring at her, his hand coming up to rest over hers, fingers tangling as he pulls her attention away from the unborn girls and back to him, he smiles at her. Pats his sisters one time and then he's stealing her breath away, his mouth against her side and a giggle from his lips when he feels his little sister move. Her loving big boy. Sometimes she thinks he understands, moments like this but then he's turning away, heading to his pile of toys in the corner and she knows he doesn't. It's still sweet.

He sits in the floor, his toy laptop over his thighs as it sings, the volume growing louder and Boomer whining from beneath the coffee table. Their blue eyed dog that somehow became _hers. _Castle feeds him, walks him, plays with him and the pup is still always somewhere near her. Nudging into her hand to be petted or sleeping at the bottom of the bed as she reads.

Until nightfall. He's nowhere to be seen at nights and she didn't understand, not until she woke early one morning and went up to check on the little boy now squealing over the lights on his laptop. Her easily scared pup spends his nights under her son's bed almost as if he has taken on the role of protector. A guard dog to keep her babies safe.

"Come here Booms," She snaps her fingers to get his attention, to bring him close enough to scratch his ears. "You're a good boy."

He's such a good dog that when she hands Wes his grilled cheese sandwich, she gives Boomer the other half and tells him it's their little secret. Although she knows Castle gives him table food more than dog food.

"I made you two, thought you might be hungry." Kate thanks her, taking the plate from Alexis' outstretched hand and moving her feet so she can sit down.

It looks good. Or maybe she is just really hungry. Probably the second considering she has the soup half gone before she even realizes that Castle's oldest daughter has added a few pieces of watermelon to her lunch. And she knows her husband told Alexis that she's been craving it like crazy but it's still really thoughtful and sweet.

"Watermelon?"

"Dad said you've been eating it with everything." She has. Even if it's winter and it took her husband ages to find it. It's really all she wants. Ninety-nine percent of the time. Other than strawberry shakes.

"He exaggerates a bit." Only he doesn't really. She had some with her scrambled eggs yesterday.

"A bit?" It's the eyebrow raise and the tone of her voice that has Kate smiling, shaking her head at just the implication of her writer's crazy theories and the way he jumps to conclusions. The tall tales he always spins.

"Good point. He's convinced you're running off to Vegas to get hitched and we won't even be invited."

"I plan to marry in the city and you're definitely invited. I want to use Wes as the ring bearer." The thought of her son, her wild baby boy, getting to be all dressed up and part of something so beautiful almost brings tears to her eyes. She knows it won't be happening for awhile but it's still too much. "I thought Dad was going to pass out when I told him."

"I think he almost did. Definitely went pale and I'm pretty sure there was some knee weakening." Maybe they shouldn't find it so amusing. Maybe she shouldn't be smiling with every bite she takes but the shock that had painted across his face when his daughter announced she was engaged had been too funny. "You should have seen him that night. Pacing in front of the bed listing every reason you shouldn't get married. Which included that you weren't forty yet by the way."

"Do you think he's actually upset?"

"No, Alexis, he's just a dad."

"He's the best." And really, Kate can't argue on that point. Castle shows her every single day how great he is at being a father. When he wakes up early to play trains in the floor with his son or when he's reading to her stomach at night and asking Ella and Charlotte questions that they can't even comprehend or answer, it just solidifies the fact that he's the only man she's supposed to be doing this with. He's the only one she's supposed to love completely, openly, raise kids with. "Where did Wes wander off to?"

Two pairs of eyes dart around for the toddler but he's not in sight, slipped away quietly like he always does. A sneaky boy with a million ideas. Clever to a fault and Kate isn't panicking. Everything has been baby proofed for moments like these. She does worry that he'll fall off of something though and when there's a crash from her bedroom, she's just waiting for the cries. They never come.

It's a string of giggles instead and the dog racing out of the room, hunkering down beneath the coffee table once again.

"Weston Montgomery Castle!" She's already pushing herself off the couch, ready to go after him when Alexis grabs her arm and points to the little face peeking around the corner. Tired eyes and hands rubbing. A smile on his face as he toddles out. Every muscle in her body relaxes, her heart swelling in her chest when she sees him.

The fabric that trails behind him. The sleeves that are too big for his arms, the way he trips when he steps on the the hem. Her little man. Wearing one of Daddy's jackets and now she knows exactly what caused the loud commotion. Her Cub was exploring the closet. Pulling things down and trying them on. Two seconds ago he was behaving himself and then in a flash, he was deciding to dress up like Castle. How is she supposed to be mad about that?

"Oh Wes,"

"Looks like he just wanted to be like Dad."

"I'd say it's nap time." She lets him keep the jacket as she restarts the movie and with Alexis' help, he's snuggled in her arms before little Nemo is ever introduced.

He doesn't fall asleep easily anymore. He wiggles, turns, sits up, tries to stay awake and through all of it, she pulls him back down. Tells him 'no' when he decides he's going to just get down and play and when he tries to follow his big sister into the kitchen. She shares her watermelon with him though, strokes her fingers through his hair when he finally realizes she isn't playing around and settles against her side. Legs curled between her stomach and the back of the couch with large sleeves covering his hands and the tail of the jacket acting as a blanket.

And when she closes her eyes, her nose in his hair and an arm over him she revels in the smell of baby shampoo mixed with the scent of her Castle. Both of her Castle boys.

* * *

She wakes to the sound of his voice. Hushed and concerned. She doesn't open her eyes. Just buries her smile in his jacket, the one their son is wearing, and tries not to startle when his palm settles on her stomach. The heat of his hand melting through her shirt. Into the skin beneath and making their calm girls stretch. He always wakes them.

"Thanks for staying with her, Alexis."

"_She_ didn't need me Dad. I was here to watch Wes, remember?" Kate bites her lip, almost lets her eyes open just to thank the young woman for pointing out the obvious. Castle worries too much. "We had a good time."

She waits until Alexis is gone before she moves, wiggling and pushing her body into his hand, finally looking up at him. He woke the girls. Both kicking, harsh thumps against her that have her wincing.

"Hey,"

"How was the meeting?"

"Relatively boring. I see someone was playing dress-up." Their sleeping son is still wrapped in his father's clothing. Twisted up in the fabric as if it's his cocoon.

"I think our closet suffered but he wanted to be Daddy for the day. I think he missed you."

"Just him?"

"You were only gone for a few hours and I actually really enjoyed time with Alexis. She doesn't ask me every five minutes it I need something." The look of mock hurt takes over and she's laughing, reaching up to card her fingers through his hair. "Help me up?"

"Are you sure you need it? I mean you did just - ow ow." He shouldn't tease when she's so close to his ear. One day he'll learn. Until then she's good with giving it a little twist when he decides to be cheeky or crude or just annoying. Or just to keep him in line. "Okay, woman, jeez."

"Don't call me woman."

"Would you prefer man?" That earns him a twitch of her lips as he pulls her up into a sitting position, letting her get close enough to press her mouth to his jaw. Skimming along his skin until she's sucking his bottom lip between hers. Opening up to greet him with a kiss. "Mm, nice. Maybe I should leave more often."

He's smiling into her, fingers skimming from her stomach up until his thumb is teasing the underside of her breast. Rubbing a path to and fro as his other hand pulls her closer, trips up her spine to rest on the back of her neck. Tangling in her hair and making her heave out a sigh. Disappointment rushing through her veins, pushing all heat from her skin.

"Sorry bud, bed rest remember? No strenuous activity."

"How long was it again?"

"Hopefully just until the next appointment. I don't think I can do this for five to seven weeks, Castle. I'm bored and there's nothing to do besides read." He seems to ignore her, his mind already on other things and judging by the smirk that's forming, she doesn't know if she's going to like it.

"I'll take Cub upstairs and then if you're really bored, maybe you'd play video games with me?" And for the first time, she considers it. Knows she'll agree and end up arguing with him while pressing a bunch of different buttons and hoping for the best. Maybe it isn't so bad.

**a/n: Be prepared for the next chapter. It's coming tomorrow and it's the final one in this part of the Cub'verse.  
**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Still a no.**

**A/N: Okay so warning you now that this chapter jumps around a bit BUT it was the only way I thought it fit really well. And I didn't want to drag it out for multiple chapters because I don't know how often I'll be updating things from this point. Gotta get a job in the real world because no one pays me to write fanfiction. **

She hasn't slept much. A few hours total between the clenching of her abdomen, the uncomfortable stillness of her babies. No over zealous Ella or gentle nudging from Charlie. Just still, her back aching, and she doesn't like it. It's worse than them moving around, playing kickball with her insides because this aches, hurts, sends pain flaring through her hips but she sucks it up, makes herself deal with it for now because there's a little boy she's about to go wake up.

Well, as soon as she untangles herself from the man spooning behind her, his hand against her bare stomach. Of course he has no trouble sleeping, dropping off almost immediately after they attempted to wear themselves out trying new positions to accommodate her stomach. Out of the two, he seems to be the only one it worked on.

She tries to ease out from under his arm, but he holds tight, pushing himself against her back and she looks over her shoulder at him, elbows him in the stomach. Not too rough, just enough to have him startling against her, opening his eyes in panic.

"Wha-"

"Let me up." He grumbles something unintelligible, rolling to his back and scrubbing his hands down his face. "C'mon sleepyhead, it's Christmas and I believe Santa brought our adorable little Cub some presents."

That perks him up, has him sitting straight up in the bed as she swings her legs over the side. He's so excitable when it comes to this holiday and she doesn't have to do much to have him in the spirit. She doesn't do anything at all. Because he's the one that is suddenly wide awake, scrambling from the mattress and tugging on pants - inside out and backwards in his haste. She doesn't say a word, just watches him stumble over the legs, hopping around as he pulls them up and heads for the door.

He's way more excited than Cub will be. She already knows. Her giant man-child is probably heading up to get their little one right now and she's still pushing herself up from the bed. Legs freezing mid-step towards the bathroom when a sharp hot fire shoots up her spine, twisting around to consume her pelvis.

"Okay girls, you've made your point. It's crowded in there." Nothing. No kick. She has to stroke over the swell, pushing against it to feel them move. A press of her fingers against Ella and she feels the baby wiggle. "It's Christmas, let's just get through big brother opening gifts, okay?"

She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to paint on a smile while she's suffering but she will for her son. She won't complain or even hint to her husband that she's been having contractions all night long. It's false labor. That's what it is. That's what she's telling herself. But honestly, she knows better. She thought the same thing with Wes and he was born hours later. So she'll tell Castle, soon but she wants to watch her son open his presents. Another wave takes hold of her, has her dropping back to the mattress. Okay, maybe just one present.

And when she joins them in the living room a few minutes later, Boomer eying the boxes beneath the tree, Alexis lounging in a chair half asleep and Castle holding a wowed little boy, she feels herself lighten up. Her mood shifting and excitement settling in as she perches herself on the edge of the couch. She hides her discomfort, watches as her boys tear into the first box, Wes acting more interested in the wrapping paper than the truck hidden inside.

"Look at that Wes," He doesn't even turn to her, acts like he doesn't hear her at all as his eyes stay on the ball of crinkled paper he's squishing in his hands. Smashing it against his penguin covered leg. "We should have just given him the wrapping paper."

"Dad said I used to play in the boxes and just leave the toys. I'm sure he'll figure it out eventually." She's not so sure. Two presents later and he's still more concerned with all the trash piling up instead of the gifts and she's biting her lip, breathing heavily through her nose as the pain level rises. She pushes a hand into her stomach, hoping not to startle anyone but she already sees a frown forming on Alexis' face. Knows it won't be long before Castle looks her way.

"Kate, are -" She cuts her off with a shake of her head. No. She's not okay. She's in labor.

"I'm fine." They both know it's a lie. A big lie. A sharp tightening of her abdomen, the pressure building against her pelvis and she's done. Her knee cracks against the coffee table as she forces herself up, a loud bang that has her cursing and Boomer letting out a yipe and hiding behind the box he was just set on destroying. Their dog is such a scaredy cat.

The noise has everyone's attention. Even the penguin pajama clad toddler in Castle's lap is looking at her, brow scrunched to match his father's. And she knows her face is turning red, knows her knuckles are white with how hard she's clenching her fists. It's time to stop putting it off - to face the facts that something is happening.

"Kate, what's wrong?" He knows her well enough. He knows that something isn't right and maybe it's the hand she's pressing to her round stomach that gives it away but his eyes are widening, panic settling in as she gives a nod.

"I think we need to go to the hospital." Just one sentence and their world turns upside down. Cub being passed to Alexis as Castle scrambles for clothes, Kate waddling along behind him, wanting something different to wear out in public. But it's pointless and doesn't matter - at least that's what he's telling her when she's stripping the shorts off.

And she's just about to throw them at him, lighten the mood when she feels it. The trickle down her thigh, the rush that comes after. Her water breaking and it's Cub all over again. The fear that builds, cripples her. Has her paralyzed for a moment, staring down at her stomach as she fights back tears. Everything is fine. She's going to have two healthy baby girls and she needs to calm down.

It works for awhile. Through getting dressed, grabbing bags, kissing her son on the cheek and hugging him just a little too tight. Until the elevator ride down, until they're in the car and her thoughts take over. Twins. Two babies. She has to deliver two babies and so many things can go wrong and she doesn't know if she can handle it.

"How far apart are the contractions?" He's trying to distract her and it's sweet but she really doesn't want to even talk at this point. She wants to just breathe through the pressure, get to the hospital. But she answers, tells the truth even though she's a bit ashamed for keeping it to herself until the last possible second.

"Couple minutes, maybe less."

"Kate!" She winces at his tone, at the pain flaring in her spine, the twist of it, the claws that sink in and refuse to let go. "Why didn't you say something?"

"It's Cub's second Christmas and he's old enough to -" She sucks in a sharp breath, forces it back out as tears fill her eyes. She bites out the last of her sentence. "enjoy it."

And it's the fear of something being wrong, the excitement of her babies being born that forces the tears over, makes them trail down her cheeks as she sniffs. Her body relaxing into the seat as the contraction eases, dissipates into something she can manage.

"Hey, everything -"

"Castle, I know you're trying to help but please just stop." She doesn't want him trying to make it better. Not when she knows he's feeling the exact same things she is. The fear, the joy, the bone crushing terror that there are two babies and so many possibilities. And now she feels bad because he's scared too and she just snapped at him.

He's paying attention to the road, the lines of his face blurring as she squints through a smaller contraction. She reaches for him, placing her hand on his thigh and giving it a light squeeze. Just waiting because she knows he'll drop one of his, link their fingers together and she isn't disappointed. He does. And he never lets go.

* * *

When she's strapped to monitors, machines beeping, her heart racing and the doctor telling her that she's definitely in labor, Castle is still holding her hand. Letting her squeeze with each contraction. Only saying 'ow' on occasion and never pulling away. She hates this part. The thought of giving birth and the way everyone seems to constantly stick their hands in places she really doesn't want them to go but she grits her teeth, lets them do their job.

"You're an eight, almost a nine. I'd say you almost had these babies at home or in the car."

"But I can...I don't have to have a c-section, do I?" Because that thought still cripples her with fear. Makes her heart rate spike and a chill run through her spine. More than the fact that she almost waited too late, that she's been in labor about all night and really should have woke her husband, made him bring her in. Something could have been wrong. Something might be wrong. "I just - I really want to do this naturally."

"Unless I see some sign of stress to either one of them or you, I see no reason why you can't. For now, we'll let things progress and see what happens." She's mid nod when her body tenses, toes curling and eyes slamming shut. She tugs on Castle, pulling at his arm as she draws her knees up, pushing herself onto her side.

He complains this time, a yelp that she barely hears as she breathes out through her mouth. Willing the exploding pressure against her pelvis to ease, she mumbles an apology and searches for his eyes.

"Maybe with two babies, you need something for the pain." She furrows her brow, eyes narrowing as she shakes her head. "Do you think they'd give _me _something then?"

Despite everything, the thoughts of her babies coming a bit early and the contractions, she laughs at him. A smile capturing her lips and lingering as she kisses his palm. Thanking him silently for being here as they're left alone for a few minutes. For always holding her hand when it counts and never letting her push him away. Three kids. They're about to have three kids.

"Did you call my Dad?"

"Left a message. He didn't answer." It doesn't surprise her, he isolates himself up at the cabin during the holiday. That's his thing. And this is hers now. Being with her family. Apparently expanding her family. She breathes out, prepares herself for the next seize of her womb. Her body ready to get started. Already making it known that she's about to give birth to their daughters.

"Martha and Lex?"

"Mother's here. Alexis is still with Wes."

"Good."

"Don't worry about any of us, Kate, we're not the ones about to have twins." He's right. She shouldn't worry over little things but she is. She has to because it keeps her mind off the pain, off the fact that she's terrified and thrilled. A nervous wreck of emotion bubbling in her chest, a knot forming in her throat as she realizes the implications of this. Two babies. And Wes, their beautiful energetic little boy.

"Hold my hand?" He lifts their intertwined fingers, a questioning raise of his eyebrow. And she pulls their hands back down, rests them above her heart. "When I'm pushing."

"Always." And she wants to smile at him, tell him he's a cheese ball but she can't. Because she's hit with a crest of pressure, something hard and forceful. Her babies trying to make it known that they aren't waiting anymore. The feel of her body being forced in two. It's different than with Cub. Even her mood. She didn't want to be touched and this time she won't let go of Castle. Won't let him take more than a few steps away.

Even when she snaps at him, and when he grumbles back at her, she doesn't let go. Neither does he. He said always and this is their always. Part of it. And he keeps his promise. Thirty minutes later when she gets the go ahead to give the first push, he's right there holding her hand as she bears down. Counting with the doctor and annoying her beyond belief but he's still clutching her fingers, stroking his thumb over her knuckles every time she takes a breath.

She hears him whispering something about one of their girls, doesn't care what it is because she's more than positive _his_ daughters are shredding her but she pushes through it. Knows it'll be over soon. She just wants to hold her babies. It's the only thing that keeps her going, that has her pushing just as hard the tenth time as the first. Her muscles protesting, exhaustion setting in but when she feels her body ease, hears the first screams, it's worth it.

The tears spill down her cheeks as a pink, squirming mess is placed on her chest. A tiny scrunched face, wailing human being with dark hair and loud cries. She knows before she even strokes a finger over her cheek that this one is Peanut. This is Ella Jo Castle and she doesn't want to let her go. Doesn't want the nurse to take her but she does. A brief moment and her daughter is gone, dragged away and she knows it's for the best. That they just want to clean her up, make sure the little one is healthy but that doesn't stop Kate from wanting her back.

"Next contraction, I need you to push Kate, we've still got one more baby." She hears her, she does. But the next contraction hits and she doesn't push. She can't. She feels like jello. A mess of uncoordinated limbs that won't do anything. She tries on the next one, making it half way through before her vision is swimming and her head starts aching.

"Castle, I can't do this, I'm -"

"Yes you can." She's shaking her head, legs trembling and body curling in as a contraction seizes her muscles. She can't. She hears Ella, she doesn't want to push anymore. She wants her daughter, she needs her. She knows that's Ella, knows that Charlie is still inside of her but she doesn't think she can do this anymore.

Her lips part as another wave of pain crashes, a strangled whimper escaping as Castle leans in, places his mouth next to her ear. She can feel his breath on her neck, cooling against the sweat accumulating. His voice so soft she barely hears it over their daughter's cries.

"Kate, listen to me, you've got this. Hear that little girl? She's ours and so is her twin. Come on, Detective, you've got this." He lifts her chin, turns her head until he can press his mouth to hers and it's enough. Enough to have her changing her thoughts, listening to the softening cries of their first daughter as she pulls herself up, makes herself stronger.

The pounding in her head worsens with every push, a fuzzy edge to her vision as the minutes pass and she doesn't know how long she's been at this, doesn't even care. She just wants it to stop, to be over. And it takes everything she has to give it one more shot. To buck up, ignore the the outside noise and focus.

Castle's right. He's always by her side. Always driving her to be better, to do things. So she does this. For him, for their daughters. Charlotte Hanna Castle enters the world in silence. Not a sound from her lips as Kate drops, heavy and eyes barely open. Sounds fading and mind racing. A question on her tongue that never comes. The struggle of her arms reaching for her daughter but not getting the chance to hold her. She barely catches a glimpse of her face.

"What's wrong?" It's a weak whisper, a curse flying from her doctor's lips and she's trying to force herself up. Trying to see Charlie, her little Cash. "Castle, wha-"

She can see the little one move, that's the only thing that eases her mind, the wild flail of tiny arms. And the way her husband shushes her, kissing her cheek and pushing her back into the pillow. She hears him, his voice, faint and faraway. Not right. Not okay. Something.

"Charlotte...Cash - what's -"

"Kate," It's louder this time, a shock to her system when he shakes her, panic in his eyes, tears leaving a trail over his cheek and she thinks he's the most beautiful man she's ever seen. "Kate, just take it easy. Kate,"

He's letting go. He's letting go of her hand, fingers loosening as her body grows heavier, vision fading and blackness creeping in, taking over, pulling her down. He let go.

* * *

It's quiet when she blinks, when she forces her eyes to open. She searches for them, for the babies but they aren't in the room. And for a brief moment she wonders if it was all a dream but then she glances down at her stomach, knows they're gone. The ache in her body is enough to remind her, have her frantic as she forces herself to sit up to try.

He didn't let go. It's the second thing she notices - the hand that's clutching hers, the lips pressing to her knuckles and she's paralyzed. Terrified of why he looks so solemn. Of the redness that lingers in his baby blues.

"Ella, Charlie?" It's a whisper of their names, a crack in her voice as he raises his head, stands from the chair he's been perched in. Her heart breaking with every second that passes, with the tears that he's fighting back. "Where -"

"Kate," It doesn't sound like her name. It sounds like a prayer, thankful and pleading. His mouth warm against her, hitting her cheek, just below her eye in a kiss that lasts more than just a second. And another against her temple, she can feel his words. "Never again. Never again, Kate."

She pushes at him, a sob ripping from her throat when she meets his gaze, forces his name from her lips.

"Rick," She needs to know. "Our daughters?"

"I just - you lost a lot of blood." She doesn't understand, has no idea what he's talking about until he points at the IV and she looks at it, follows the dark line up to a bag with her blood type stamped to the front of it.

"Wha-"

"You hemorrhaged right after the second baby was born." She's not actually interested in anything other than her daughters but he looks devastated at just recalling the events and she knows him. Knows he was probably a mess. It's in his eyes when he finally pulls back, the tangle of his fingers in the ratty ponytail she's sporting. "You - I thought..."

"I'm okay. I'm okay Castle but I really want to see our daughters." And her body is sluggish, brain fuzzy, she doesn't know that she'll be up for moving much just yet. "When Cash wasn't crying I thought - I thought she wasn't breathing. The second is Charlotte by the way."

"I know. I knew as soon as she was born and you're half right, she wasn't breathing properly. They took her away pretty quickly and I wanted to go with her, make sure she was okay but then -"

"What do you mean she - where are they?" Kate's already pushing at the blankets, arms tired and protesting but she needs her babies. Needs to see them and she feels the frustration set in, the fear consuming her as she thinks back to their silent one. The quiet girl. "Castle, where are my -"

"Ella is being spoiled by nurses and Charlie is still getting some help with her lungs." She doesn't know what that means, keeps trying to pull herself from the bed only for him to push her back. "Just wait, let me get your doctor."

She doesn't want to wait, doesn't want to see the doctor but he's so pale and looks so tired that she listens to him. She resists fighting, doesn't push him out of the way. She waits. Nervously, fearfully. Scared for her daughters and not caring at all that she's the one that lost so much blood, that she's the one that slipped into unconsciousness.

And when her doctor comes in, a smile on her face, Kate doesn't hold back any of the questions racing through her brain. The most prominent being centered around her lazy baby. Her little Cash. And she doesn't know how Castle isn't more alarmed although she figures he's been dealing with this since they were born and she doesn't know what time it is or what time it was. What time were daughters born? But that's not the question that surfaces.

"What's wrong with Charlotte?"

"Let me check on you, and then we'll -" No. She's done with kid gloves. And it no longer matters that she actually likes Doctor Thomas or that she's a nice lady. Kate's pushing her away as soon as she touches her.

"I want to know what's wrong with my daughter."

"As of about five minutes ago, not a thing. She's breathing on her own. She just needed a little help at first - we'll keep monitoring her, making sure she doesn't have anymore difficulties but I think she's quite a strong little girl." And she's blinking back tears, trying to calm herself down but it isn't working. Her heart is still pounding and it doesn't stop.

The racing, the sound of blood rushing in her ears, it all continues until they finally bring the babies in, one cart and two babies. Two bundles wrapped tightly. Two tiny faces and she feels like she can breathe again. They look the same, she's not sure what else she expected with identical twins but this blows her away. Makes it all real.

These are their daughters. She watches her husband hesitate when the nurse tries to hand him a baby, his eyes meeting hers as he gives a little shrug. An apologetic bashful lift of his shoulder that has her heart sinking only to be ripped apart when he speaks.

"I didn't hold them. I wanted you to be awake." This is why she loves him. His thoughtfulness, his gigantic heart that sometimes makes him do stupid things and other times amazes her with his selflessness. So she tilts her head, showing him it's okay as she reaches for the second baby.

"At the same time, then." She smiles at him before her attention is glued to the girl she's pulling into her chest, a startled cry making the baby's face scrunch, nose wrinkling. Just a single loud wail before she nuzzles into Kate's chest. And something in her knows without them even telling her that this is the one that gave them trouble.

"_Oh, _Charlotte. This is Charlie." Voice filled with wonder and an endless burst of love. She rubs her thumb over the top of the little one's head, stroking down until she's met with the smooth skin, soft and hot. Eyes opening to meet her, blinking back against the light. "Hey, little lazy Cash."

She's in love. With the slope of her nose, the pout of her mouth, the way her lip trembles as she thinks about fussing. Kate shushing her before she has the chance. She didn't know if she could love them the same way she loves Wes but she can. She does. It's already powerful, all consuming.

"Castle," She doesn't want to let go of her little girl - ever - but she really wants to see Ella too, touch her soft skin, kiss her cheek. "Can I see Ella?"

He doesn't reach for Charlotte, just eases her twin down into Kate's free arm. Smiling with red rimmed eyes and she gives him a tilt of her head. Pushing her mouth up into his as she cradles both of her daughters. Their daughters. Their little girls. Perfect and tiny. She thought Weston was small when he was born but these two are smaller.

"What do they weigh?" She's not sure whom she's asking but when her husband answers, she assumes they've been left alone for the time being.

"Ella is four pounds fifteen ounces and Charlie is four pounds thirteen ounces." She can't tell any difference in their size. And she's a little scared that she'll mix them up. It's a fear she's had from the moment they found out they were identical. "Born at twelve and twelve-twenty, December twenty-fifth."

"Christmas." She almost scoffs at the craziness of it. The fact that this seems to be a theme for them. Weston conceived from Valentine's Day, the twins honeymoon babies and now being born on Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Kate." This time she does scoff. Rolling her eyes but scooting over in the bed nonetheless, making him aware that she wants him to climb in. As soon as she feels his warmth against her side, she settles against him, pushes Ella back into the arm he doesn't wrap around her shoulders. She wants a free hand, fingers that she can use to stroke over their little Peanut's cheek, exploring the bow of her mouth as their girl grabs at her finger.

Charlie is already asleep, her face against Kate's breast but Ella has her eyes wide open, long tiny fingers reaching from beneath her blanket holding tight to her Momma.

"They're perfect, Castle."

"We do seem to make beautiful babies." They do. Their son is adorable and now they have two pretty little girls and she couldn't be happier. She's bursting at the seams, wanting everyone to know that this is what happens, when you stop hiding, when you stop pushing people away. She extracts her finger from her daughter's hold, grabs hold of Castle's collar and pulls him to her mouth. An open kiss, soft and hot. Quick and just long enough before she's whispering into him.

"I want Wes."

* * *

It's late by the time Alexis arrives, her cautious knock on the door and the toddling boy holding tightly to her hand wrenches himself free when he sees them. A chorus of 'Momma' mixed with 'Dada' but he pauses next to the bed, staring at her stomach and she realizes he's probably wondering what happened. Why it isn't big anymore and why her arms are full.

"Hey Cub," Just her voice is enough to have him climbing up his father's leg, with Castle helping him until he's wiggling in his lap.

"Be easy, Wes, the babies are little." He doesn't understand, she knows he doesn't but this is something her husband has been trying to instill in him for a few months now. That he has to be calm around the twins, that he can't wiggle and kick and knee his way around with two tiny little girls.

"Oh my goodness, Dad, they're beautiful." The smile on the redhead's face as she stares down at them has Kate lifting an arm, handing her one of the bundles she's wrapped in their own blankets. The solid pink with the word Love belonging to Ella - she thought the monkey on it really fit for their feisty girl and the polka-dotted one with the elephants for their Charlie.

Alexis takes the baby, carefully, cradling her in her arms and swaying when she starts to fuss.

"That's Charlotte."

Wes interrupts, a disgruntled huff as he frowns at the two pink wriggling babies. And for a second, Kate's convinced this is the moment she's been dreading. He hates them. He absolutely hates them but then he's reaching out, his hand patting at Ella's head. Gentle. A smile lighting up his face when she blinks up at him and the fear melts away. There's no way he'll be anything but the best big brother.

"Wes, this is your sister Ella. Can you say Ella?" He tries, his mouth forming the syllables.

"Lala." It's close enough, has everyone smiling at him and Alexis tilts Charlie, lets him see and she fusses again, not liking the motion. She doesn't like to be moved much. He frowns at her, places his finger over his lips and tells her to 'shhh'.

"This is Charlie. We got two sisters today Wes."

"Lee." In that moment, with all of their kids in one room and their family waiting outside, every bit of it sinking in, Kate feels overwhelmed. Filled. She has her daughters, her son. She has Castle and people who love their kids. She's alive, everyone is safe and she's reminded once again how precious life is.

She'll smile when Espo and Ryan argue over the girls and Lanie holds Ella. She'll cry when her dad meets his granddaughters, she'll laugh as Martha dotes on them and later, when everyone but her husband is gone, his chest to her back as she breastfeeds her daughters for the first time, she'll thank him, let him whisper in her ear as they talk about the two little girls they created. The sisters they've given their son. Who they'll be. How they'll act. Their three kids. Weston Montgomery, Ella Jo, and Charlotte Hanna.

And when the twins fall asleep, Charlie in her arms and Ella in her father's, he starts humming in her ear. And she finds herself singing the words to Silent Night. A haunting echo in the quiet room. A ridiculous lullaby on Christmas for their two precious daughters. She sings to them. Not stopping until the tiny hand wrapped tightly around her finger loosens.

**a/n: And that is the end of Two Hearts my friends. Next up is Three's a Crowd BUT it won't be up for at least two weeks, I'm going to work on finishing some other stories before I dive back in. If you want to keep reading Cub related things, I have the M version Imaginary Numbers (which will include that mirror date at some point) Until next time. ;)**


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